There’s no point in giving him half truths. If he talks to Brooklyn later all he has to do is drop the magic word, honesty, and she’ll tell him everything I said. And I know how he’ll take it, even though I was just looking out for him.
“I told her the truth. That you would give her your all and it wasn’t fair for her to make you prove it.”
“Can I ask you something?” Vaughn says.
“Sure.”
“Negro. Are you high?”
“Okay, man. What—” I try to walk by him ’cause I already had one fight with a lover in the last twelve hours. I’m not in the mood for a repeat performance.
“No.” Vaughn grabs my arm, hard, reminding me that he’s taller and stronger and his submission is willfully given. It’s not my right or something I can intimidate out of him. It shouldn’t be a turn on, but it is and it gets my attention. I stop and turn to face him, settling in for the chewing out I deserve.
“For real, what the fuck is wrong with you? Of course I need to prove that I’m worthy of her. On what planet do you think it’s cool for us to ask any woman, any person, to take the two of us on and for usnotto show them that they can trust us? Yeah, Corrine cheated, but you have to see how much Josh hurt her. She was days away from walking down the aisle. He embarrassed her in ways neither of us can understand because we’re men.”
I sigh, keeping my mouth shut. He’s right. I know he’s right.
“What you and Corrine and I had wasn’t a secret, but we weren’t out there, Shaw. She was ready to become a part of his family. Everyone in her life knew about it. On top of that, she’s a plus-size Black woman. How many times a day do you think she’s getting some messaging that she’s undesirable? Fifty? A hundred? She can be confident, but she’s a fucking human. So, I think it makes sense that if we want her to be with us in any long term way we prove to her that we aren’t using her and that her needs and her very real fears are being met.”
“Okay, okay, you’re right.”
“I know I am. I’m going to take Roger to the beach and enjoy this weather before I have to go back to work. Maybe when I’m gone, you can think of a good way to apologize to her. Whatever she decides, you owe her that much.”
“I will. I promise.” I grab his hand as he turns to walk inside. “Are we good?”
“I guess. You still fucked up, though. You’re not off the hook.”
“I know. I love you and I am sorry for fucking up your morning with her. She likes you a lot and I know you both wanted more time together.” I laugh and Vaughn turns at the sound, catching Roger’s face pressed up against the screen door. “He doesn’t want us to fight.”
“No. He doesn’t want you to be a dick.”
“Fair. I deserved that.”
Vaughn pulls me close with an arm around my waist and kisses me soft, but deep. He’s still angry, but he loves me. We’ll have an argument again, probably soon and it’ll be my fault. I’ve been on a roll lately. One day he’s going to be sick of my shit and he’s going to leave me too. I need to be better for him, if I can just get the fuck out of my own way.
That night, when Vaughn is long back in the city and Roger is dead asleep under my desk, I grab my phone and find Brooklyn’s Instagram. I’ve been there already. Thoroughly checked out all of her social media in the months since she followed my business account back.
She’s added a new picture. One she’s snapped from the side of the road on her way through Buzzards Bay.
Beautiful weekend on the Cape. Great food. Great company. One cute doggy.
She doesn’t tag Vaughn or me, which is clearly the smart move. No shame here, but no one wants to explain how we know each other and why we’re hanging out. I keep scrolling, looking at pictures she’s posted while out for drinks with her coworkers. Pictures of her watchingThe Bachelorwith a small group of women. Pictures of flowers her friend Noa sent her for Valentine’s Day.
I think about that night, how I’d sent Roger to the dog sitter, then drove into the city and took Vaughn out to the dinner. We’d spent the night at his place trying to reconnect. Well, fucking and affirming how badly we want each other in our lives. We were honest about Corrine. Honest about how much we missed her even though it still hurt to think about her and what had happened. Vaughn opened up about how weird his apartment felt since shipping her things back to her family. I know he feels her ghost in every room of the place.
I think about what that night must have been like for Brook. How she was supposed to have been celebrating her first Valentine’s Day with her new husband. I keep scrolling and see the months and months of posts after Josh’s death where she’s just trying to prove that she’s still alive, still trying to see the good things in life. Pictures of her nieces playing with a fuck ton of dogs. Almost two months of posts of just cakes and pastries, promoting her sister’s farm bakery. I scroll back until I find pictures of her and Josh, pictures I’m sure she’s conflicted about deleting. I find a picture of the ring.
Feeling some type of way about Mom and Dad missing this amazing moment, but I know they are smiling down on me and my amazing husband-to-be. I love you, @JoshDel603_2NYC. Can’t wait to share forever with you.
I keep scrolling. There are more pictures of them together. At Yankees’ games. At her sister’s farm. Shopping for books. Sharing ice cream. Waiting in the line for the latest Stars Wars movie. Josh looks like such a basic white boy, I can’t imagine what someone as amazing as Brook saw in him, but I know what Vaughn would have to say about it. They were in love and it’s not for me to judge how that came to be.
For the first time, I realize I’m pissed at Corrine, not for cheating on us, but for stepping out with someone else’s man. For hurting Brook. She knew better. She knew how that kind of betrayal stung. She’d been cheated on before she met us and we had spent years making up for it. Maybe that’s why I’m so protective of Vaughn. Maybe it’s me with the trust issues. Me with a skeptical eye on this new woman in our lives. It’s not fair. It’s not Brook’s fault and I need to make it up to her.
I switch over to my never-ending conversation with Vaughn and shoot him a text.
Hey babe.
You hear from Brook?
