I explained this to Shaw years ago. He was skeptical at first, but after a while he started to trust my instincts and to pay closer attention to the little things people did and said to reveal parts of their personality. Negative self-talk, unchecked confidence or humble selflessness. People usually give that shit up right away, but you have to pay attention and you have to remove your own feelings.
I had tried for a long time not to think about how my instincts had failed me with Corrine. Finally, I was able to forgive myself and let the past be the past. Brooklyn had been right all those months ago. I wanted to talk to Corrine. I wanted an explanation. An apology and a chance to apologize, but that wasn’t going to happen.
All I could do was move forward, keep Shaw close and not murder Roger for his many attempts to ruin my breakfast. I’m still moving forward, that’s the plan. Somehow being with Shaw lately though has felt like standing still. Like he’s afraid to make any sudden moves, like we both are. But now Brooklyn is here and I can tell we both like her. I’m not sure what that means for us, for me.
We walk to the back of the house and set our things down on the benches Shaw built a few years ago.
“This is so fancy. Like an old-timey spa. How did Shaw find this house?”
“Just popped up on the market at the right time. The previous owner liked the idea of him making furniture out in the barn, so he sold it to Shaw without fielding any other offers.”
“Wow. That’s amazing. And you just come out on the weekends?” She asks as she turns on the water. She jerks her hand back and I’m sure it’s freezing cold.
“Yeah. Unless work gets in the way, I head out here most Friday nights and stay through the weekend. When Shaw isn’t busy with a piece, he’ll come into Boston and stay with me or visit with my mom.”
“That sounds nice.” She freezes, her mouth hanging open a little, as I take off my swim trunks. I hold them under the slowly warming spray and ring them out before I lay them on the metal railing. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. You were literally inside me two hours ago and I’m still shocked by your nudity.”
“You want me to put my suit back on?”
“No, no. you’re fine. I’m just—I’m a little off kilter,” she says with a nervous laugh. She reaches behind her neck and unties her bikini top before stepping out of her bottoms. I watch her, trying not to drool over her luscious curves, as she moves by me to rinse her bathing suit and hang it beside mine on the railing. She steps under the spray, careful not to get her braids wet.
“What’s throwing you off?” I ask gently.
“I almost said that I shouldn’t say it, but I guess I’d be violating that whole honesty rule I threw down.”
Brooklyn came her face off down at the beach and didn’t hesitate letting me and Shaw hold her for nearly half an hour after it was done. I didn’t think for a moment that maybe she hadn’t enjoyed herself or maybe we’d thrown too much at her too soon. Maybe she wasn’t feeling any of this.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask, keeping my tone casual. She grabs my hand and pulls me under the water with her. Her hand goes to my chest and she lightly traces the fraternity brand on my pec.
“I’m having the best time I’ve had in awhile.” She’s looking down at her feet when she utters the words.
“Is that a bad thing?” I lightly tuck my finger under her chin and encourage her to look up at me. She does without hesitation, but I see something in her big brown eyes. She’s sad again and that shit doesn’t sit right with me.
“Damn, you’re tall,” she says as she rests her chin against my chest.
“It comes in handy when you need me to reach for things. Trust me.”
“I bet. Anyway, I was just thinking about how I’m going to feel when I go home. Like, the return to reality will be the biggest letdown.”
“I don’t like leaving here either,” I say.
“Right, but it’s different for you.”
I take her gently by her shoulders, turning her around before I pull her back against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and she reaches up and wraps her fingers around my forearms. A moment later, I feel her lips brush against my skin. I can't resist the temptation to lean down and press a kiss to her temple. Her chest rises and falls as she lets out a deep sigh. I’ll stand like this for the rest of the afternoon if she needs me to.
“How is it different?” I ask.
“Because you know you’ll be back in five days. You know Shaw will be here waiting for you.”
“No, I don’t,” I say bluntly.
Brooklyn spins around and takes a step back. “Vaughn. I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“No, you’re good. I’m just saying. We aren’t promised tomorrow. Not saying there’s another stalker with an itchy trigger finger out there. But what if I get in a car accident? What if Shaw is in his workshop alone and hurts himself? What if he decides he just doesn’t want to fuck with me anymore? What if I decided this situation isn’t formeanymore?” I don’t like to think about any of these things too much, but it’s the truth.
“You’re right.”
