“I should go,” she says suddenly. She stands and grabs her jacket. “Do you mind giving me a lift back?”
“Claudia.”
“Really. I just wanted to see you and say thank you. I’m not sure if you’re a vase guy or even a flower guy, but a mug or even a tall glass will work just fine if you cut down the stems enough.”
I look at her for a few more seconds, but she’s avoiding my eyes. She’s done. I stand and grab her empty and what’s left of my beer, then nod for her to lead the way. I ignore the look on Rich’s face when I leave the empties and a twenty on the bar.
On the short ride back to the Lodges, Claudia looks out the window of my truck and comments on the quaintness of the town. I think of how there’s no way I can salvage this night. There is nothing to salvage. It’s all in my head. She points me to the car that’s parked in front of her cabin and I pull up next to it. I get out and walk her to her door.
“Well, thank you for coming down to see me. I know it’s weird, me being here,” she says.
“It’s not weird. Let me see your phone. I’m going to give you my numbers this time,” I say. She peers up at me for a moment, but then she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her cellphone. She hands it to me. I type in my cell and my house phone numbers, label them appropriately. I give her back her phone.
“Call me before you leave.”
“I will.” She bites her lip, then looks at the part in the curtains that cover the cabin window. I watch as the orange glow from the porch light plays across her face. She looks back up at me. “It was nice to see you, Shep. I owe you my life.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
She huffs out a little laugh and looks down. She swallows. She closes her eyes for a moment and then she looks back up at me and holds out her hand. “Mr. Olsen.”
I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. “Keep stretching out that hip,” I say. She sags against me and that’s when my brain decides it’s time to go. I grip her shoulders and stand away. I see the hurt play across her face again. I have to go. There’s no see ya. No goodbye. I turn and get in my truck. And leave.
I’m almost at the pass when my phone rings. It’s a 718 number. I slow down and pull over to the side of the road.
“Hello?”
“Why didn't you look for me?” She’s crying. “I could have died in your arms and then I vanish with this note that frankly reads like something my mom would have forced me to write to thank a tutor for their time and you don't look for me?”
“Because.”
“Because why? Tell me. I didn't imagine what happened in the hospital and I'm not saying it was anything sexual. And I appreciate that you came to check on me at all, but you didn't have to stay with me. You didn't have to hold me the way you did. How was it so easy for you to walk away after you got my note?”
I feel my forehead start to throb. “Don't do that.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend like that note had your address and phone number at the bottom and I was just too cold hearted to use them. That letter felt like a thank you and farewell to me. You had returned to your old life. Tell me where the line is between concern and stalking.”
She’s quiet for a while before she responds, but I know she’s still there.
“I'm sorry.” She lets out a watery breathe. “I'm sorry. I—I told you what I needed was selfish and delusional.”
“What would have happened if I just showed up in New York three months ago? Would you have been okay with that? Would your boyfriend have been okay with that?” It's low, but it's the truth.
“I know. I just—it hurts. You said you thought about me. Weren't you the least bit curious?”
“Claudia.”
“Just tell me please. Maybe I just need to hear what's actually going through your head. Maybe that’ll actually help more than giving you roses.”
I close my eyes and clench my free hand. My cock is already rising as I consider what I actually want.
“Shep.”
“Curious doesn't cover it,” I say. “Seeing you that hurt, it gutted me. I wanted to protect you and take care of you, but I knew that wasn't—”
“It wasn't what?”
