“I’m making headway.” She reaches across and takes my hand. I’m unprepared for the gesture and find myself twining my fingers between hers before I can think better of it. “Want to talk about whatever happened earlier?”
I give her hand a squeeze and blow out a breath. “Yeah. Maybe that would help.”
Lucia
I rein in my natural reaction, which is to celebrate the fact Tony is finally beginning to open up. I don’t want to freak him out, so I give him time. The silence drags on. Eventually, I realize he’s waiting until we get back to the cottage. When I pull up the drive, he jumps out and heads around to open my door. I stand, finding myself way too close to him, but he just kisses my forehead and backs away, leading me to the cottage entrance with one hand. He unlocks it and we enter and remove our shoesin the hall, then make our way to the living room, where he sits on the sofa and motions for me to join him. When I do, he slings his right arm around my waist and draws me closer. I shut my eyes for a moment, enjoying his touch, and wishing I could rest my head on his chest while I listen to him talk. But that seems too intimate.
“Take your time,” I say, wanting him to know there’s no rush. This conversation can happen as quickly or as slowly as he likes. I know it will be hard for him. I get the impression he usually avoids difficult topics by flirting or brushing them off so people don’t see what’s going on in his head. He’s like an iceberg. His charming exterior is the only part showing above the water, but beneath is a treasure trove of fears, hopes, and dreams.
He reaches for his water bottle, which he must have left on the coffee table earlier, and takes a drink. He flicks the cap back into place and sets it down again. “There’s a reason I’m anti-relationships, and it’s not just that I’m a player.” He picks at his cuticles as he speaks, not making eye contact. “I honestly don’t believe relationships can work long-term.”
“What, likeever?” I’m stunned—both by his statement and because I didn’t expect the conversation to go in this direction. “But there are happy couples all around you. Harley and Dev. Gabe and Sydney. Tempe and Mercy. Leo and Camile.”
He shrugs his good shoulder. “None of those relationships have lasted more than a few years.”
I frown. “What about Seth and Ashlin?”
Seth and his ex-wife recently remarried.
“It’s a cycle. We don’t know how long they’ll stay together this time.”
My mouth opens and closes. I can’t believe how cynical he’s being. “But surely you don’t think that every single relationship is doomed to failure?”
“Kinda, yeah. Or at least, I have until recently.”
“Why?”
“My parents.” His reply comes too easily, and I flinch. I hadn’t been expecting a straight answer. I thought he’d hedge and avoid like he has been since our first day here.
“I’m sorry.” I pull away from him so he can see how much I mean it. “What happened with them?”
“They met as backpackers in Germany. She was Italian, he was American. They spent a few months traveling across Europe together. From what I’ve heard, they were one of those passionate couples who fight and make up over and over again. They thought their behavior was normal. Then Mom got pregnant with Adele and they came to the United States to get married.”
“Oh.” In my opinion, an accidental pregnancy is never a good thing to base a marriage on. But obviously, as has been the case with Tempe and Mercy, it can work out.
“Yeah. Oh.” He shakes his head. “They were off and on for the next couple of decades. When I was twelve, Dad ran off to France with a twenty-two-year-old burlesque dancer. We haven’t seen him since.”
I absorbed his revelation. It sounded like he’d had a turbulent upbringing, which would make anyone wary. But surely one bad relationship shouldn’t sour his entire view of love. “So that made you give up on the idea of a successful marriage?”
He raises a brow as though he can sense my disbelief. “Not completely, but since then, three of my sisters have been married and divorced, and I had to listen to them tear themselves apart over it. One was abused, another had an unfaithful husband, and the oldest was unfaithful herself. It’s hard to believe in marriage when you’ve seen things go wrong so many times.”
I nod, because adding those instances to his mother’s poor experience, I understand his hesitation. It would be enough to make anyone jaded. But then, hearing his past also makes me hopeful because I know now he isn’t fundamentally opposed to the concept of a relationship. He’s just scared of being hurt or of hurting someone else. That’s an entirely different thing from not wanting to be monogamous. Perhaps we can work through it, if he’s willing to try.
“It’s reasonable that you’re gun-shy after what your family has been through,” I say, giving into the temptation to rest my cheek on his chest. His heart thuds steadily beneath my ear.
“Mom is engaged again.” His voice rumbles through me.
“She is?” My breathing quickens. Something tells me this is important, which means I need to tread carefully. “How do you feel about it?”
He grunts noncommittally. “I didn’t even meet Kevin before he popped the question.” He pauses, then adds, “They told me the night of my last fight.”
“Shit.” That was the fight where he’d been injured. I wonder if having the news dropped on him played a role in his performance in the cage. Fighters need to be completely in the zone, and his thoughts must have been all over the place. I hesitate, deciding not to ask. If he wants to bring it up, he will. “Would you feel better about the engagement if you knew more about Kevin?”
He pulls a face, as though the idea of getting to know his mother’s fiancée pains him. “Maybe a bit. Honestly, I don’t know that I’d ever feel good about it, but the way they’re diving into things so quickly makes me worry she’s going to have regrets.” He huffs. “This is what she does. She gets carried away and glosses over any indication that something isn’t going to work. Then, when she can’t ignore the problems anymore, she loses her temper. There are fights. Then she moves on.” He holds mygaze. “Every. Single. Time. Although, to be fair, this is the first time since my dad that she’s got engaged.”
“Oh. I can see why you’re worried.” Given what he’s told me, it makes sense he’d be concerned about the speed of things and need time to get used to having someone around before they officially became part of the family. But on the other hand, his parents must have been together for a long time, and they still ended badly, so surely he can see that longevity of a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t go wrong. “What else would make you more comfortable with him?”
“I don’t know.” He sounds weary, and I hate it. I want to bundle him up and protect him from everything. Unfortunately, this engagement is going ahead whether or not he’s on board, so he can’t avoid it, and I won’t coddle him. “Perhaps if he’d made an effort to introduce himself before he gave her a ring.”
