Moments later he stared after her as she pulled from his drive, and that sense of unease traveled through him in waves of energy like an impending earthquake.
***
That night Maggie tossed and turned, replaying the scene with Robyn a hundred times, hoping for a different read. Trying to find something she might’ve missed. But she was convinced Robyn had been lying.
Could Ethan really have done this? Abandoned her, not once but twice now? It triggered her deepest fear. Her most painful wound—that of her father’s abandonment. She couldn’t believe she was dealing with this all over again. It was the gift that kept on giving.
She reexamined her courtship with Ethan, their marriage, one memory at a time. And then came this thought: If Ethan had cheated on her once, he could’ve cheated again. He could’ve cheated many times. After all, if he’d gotten away with it the first time... He hadn’t seemed guilty or suspicious, but maybe her radar was broken. Maybe she couldn’t trust her own feelings, her own judgment—and where did that leave her?
Tears flowed in the dark. As the hours inched by, she craved the blissful escape of sleep, but it was as elusive as a rolling wave.
In the middle of the night another thought barged in like an unwelcome guest. If Ethan could cheat on her—Ethan, whom she’d believed was loyal and trustworthy and honest—couldn’t anyone?
Couldn’t Josh?
She’d fallen for him so quickly and completely. She was in love with him, there was no denying it. But his past relationships were as brief as a sneeze. He had lost interest, gotten bored, met someone new. Someone shinier. Even his marriage to Samantha hadn’t lasted that long, and it had ended in ruins.
She thought of all the women, old flames, however short-lived, that they’d run into this summer. If all those women—most of whom Maggie considered beautiful and interesting—couldn’t hold his attention, why would Maggie think she could?
“You’re so boring, Maggie. Even your friends think so.”
“Why don’t you do something with your hair? It’s so frizzy.”
“Get your head out of that book and do something fun. What are you, eighty?”
“You’ll never keep a man’s interest like that.”
She tried to shut down the voice but it kept coming, filling her with insecurity.
If Ethan cheated on you, how long will it take Josh to do the same? He’s the fickle one, after all.
She turned over for the dozenth time. Feeling suffocated, she flung off the covers. How could she go back home and trust that Josh would be faithful to her? How could she believe he wouldn’t tire of her the way he had all the other women?
Sure, he loved her now. He’d loved Samantha, too, and now she was his bitter ex. Maggie didn’t want to be Josh’s bitter ex. He’d been her rock for so long. And how would an acrimonious breakup affect her relationship with the rest of the family? The family she’d come to depend on as her own?
Much later when she finally fell asleep, she dreamed of Ethan’s first year at college. Only in the dream she was there. She walked across a darkened parking lot toward a lone car. She peered through the rain-dappled windshield. Ethan and Robyn were tangled together in the back seat.
Maggie jerked awake. Her eyes burned. Her throat thickened. Back then she’d blamed her mother’s mental abuse for her insecurity. She reassured herself that Ethan wasn’t cheating. That it was just her imagination.
He’d tried to convince her of the same thing!
How could he have been so cruel as to gaslight her? It wasn’t at all like the Ethan she knew and loved.Thoughtshe’d known and loved. She would have to reexamine their past in light of this awful possibility. She dreaded the thought of traipsing through the ashes of her marriage once again.
Maggie slept only a few hours. And when her alarm blared she silenced it with a jab. As the memory of the dream surfaced, heatsimmered through her. It built inside until it produced a full boil. She gripped her pillow in her fist, squeezing. Gritted her teeth.
Hello, anger stage.
That had been quick. Shortly after Zoey’s birth she’d flown into a rage. Run outside and kicked the garage door until it was pockmarked with dents. Another time, frustrated with a fitted sheet, she’d screamed into a pillow until her throat felt raw.
Maggie slowed her breaths. Released her fist, her jaw. She had a long day ahead. She and Zoey were going home—and until then she had to pretend everything was fine. She dragged herself out of bed.
Later that morning Maggie wished she had a pillow handy as she shoved a suitcase into her trunk, making room for the box of toys Josh carried down the steps. They were nearly finished loading her things.
Brad and Becky had taken Zoey for one last walk on the beach. She’d taken her pail to collect seashells. It was all too convenient. Because last night Maggie had come to a difficult decision and she was running out of time.
Josh set the box in the trunk. “Last one.”
Maggie pulled out a few of Zoey’s favorites to keep her occupied on the drive, then he closed the trunk and shelved his hands on his slim hips, peering at her. His gaze cut into her like a laser.
