“Why do you think that is?”
She lifted a shoulder. “I could be myself with him.”
Miss Allison tilted her head, letting the silence draw out.
Maggie considered her words. Thought back to those days, full of laughter and ease. A light bulb went off. “I guess I could be myself with him because it didn’t feel risky.” Maggie paused, reflected on that thought. “Ethan used to ask me why I acted differently with Josh than with him. He once said I seemed happier when I was around Josh.”
“Were you?”
Was she? She thought back. “I think I was just relaxed with him, and maybe that made me happy. I guess it came as a relief to be who I was.”
“You weren’t who you were with Ethan?”
“I think I was still trying to figure out who I was. My mom’s criticism went bone-deep, and with Ethan, maybe I was afraid to be myself because what if I showed him who I was and he left me, just like my dad?”
Maggie bolted back against the sofa, breathless. Was that what had happened? Was that true?
It sure feels true.
Miss Allison smiled gently. “Aha?”
Maggie took a moment to let the realization sink in. Blinked back tears. “That one took me by surprise.”
“How does it make you feel, that realization?”
“Kind of bad that I didn’t show my true self to Ethan. But also excited to understand what must’ve been going on inside me. It makes perfect sense.”
“It does. When the first man you love leaves you, you’re bound to be afraid it’ll happen again. Children often think it’s their fault, something they did. But as an adult you can see now it had nothing to do with you.”
“I know that up here.” She pointed to her head. Her heart was another matter.
“Going into your relationship with Ethan, you had a lot of self-doubt and trust issues as a result of your mom’s and dad’s actions. Don’t forget to give yourself some grace. From everything you’ve told me about Ethan, he would’ve been the first person to tell you that.”
Maggie went soft inside. “You’re right. For someone who came from such a normal family, he was very understanding about my hang-ups. He wasn’t perfect, but he was patient with me.” She thought of all those months he’d hung in there while she panicked about getting engaged. They went a few rounds about it because she’d already delayed it until they both graduated. Trusting him with her heart had been so hard, though that was no fault of his. And what had she done in return? Held back a part of herself.
“I wish I’d been able to give him my true self. He deserved that.”
“From what you say, he seemed pretty happy with the Maggie he knew.”
“That’s true.” She’d been very blessed to have him in her life for as long as she did. He’d been an amazing man. A wonderful husband.
“Have you been in communication with Josh lately?”
Maggie’s heart took a tumble at the shift in topics. Strangelyenough she was more comfortable talking about her deceased husband. In earlier sessions she’d relayed everything that had happened over the summer. “Just a few texts here and there. I’ll be seeing him over Thanksgiving.”
Miss Allison’s gaze flicked to the clock. “We’re almost out of time, but one last thought. I know you’re apprehensive about a romantic relationship with a man you describe as fickle. But the ability to be your authentic self with someone is a rare gift. Maybe you can find your way back to that friendship you once had with him.” The woman smiled warmly as she came to her feet. “Just something to think about until next time.”
“Sure.” But as Maggie followed her from the office, a band tightened around her heart. After what she and Josh had shared, the way she felt in his arms, the love that filled her tattered heart... she didn’t think she could ever be satisfied with mere friendship where Josh was concerned.
Chapter 52
Maggie made it to the Food Lion with thirty minutes to spare. Becky had texted her a few minutes ago and asked her to grab some whipped cream on the way over.
Her nerves had begun clamoring the second she crossed the bridge to Seabrook. She was about to see Josh for the first time in nearly three months. She probably should’ve turned down the Reynoldses’ invitation to Thanksgiving dinner, but she missed them. Missed Josh. And she couldn’t deprive Brad and Becky of seeing Ethan’s only child. They hadn’t seen Zoey since their last trip to Fayetteville over a month ago, and holidays were always hard on them all.
Maggie opened the car’s back door and Zoey clambered out. She’d put her daughter’s hair in two pigtails, and Zoey chose her pink dress with the tulle skirt because Papaw said she looked like a princess in it.
“Can we get Lucky Charms, Mommy?”
