“Late for what?”
It’s Neil. The panic is immediate and intense. I look up at the pines crowding the road, aggressive, claustrophobic. I should stop driving, but I don’t know if I’ll have enough gas to start the engine again.
“Where are you?”
“I’m leaving you.” My voice is already shaking. “I’m not coming back.”
“I thought you were missing. I called the police.” He lets this hang in the air for a moment. “I want you back.”
“Uncall them.”
“Come home.” A pickup appears out of nowhere, and I swerve into the verge, missing it by a few inches at best. “Where are you?”
“I have to go.”
“Baby.” His voice is breaking. Here it comes, right on time. Every time he’s about to lose a fight, he starts crying. I’m ashamed at how often it works. “I love you. I want to marry you.”
“You’re insane.”
“What’s insane about it? We lived together for three years, and we had one fight…”
“It wasn’t just one fight. We’ve been having this same fight for years.”
“Don’t exaggerate.”
“It’s not a goddamn exaggeration! You won’t let me have a say in my own life! Nothing is mine! And you just talk at me like a lawyer until I give up.” The road swerves sharply to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. On the final turn, my wheels slide out from under me, and I almost fishtail the car. “I’m not giving up this time. Stop calling me.”
“Don’t throw it away.”
“Throw what away?” I glance at the gas. It won’t be long until my Mazda sputters to a stop.
“Our life together. Our home. We could have the perfect life! I don’t accept it.”
“That’s not the life I want! It’s my choice! That’s not up to you.” To my surprise, I feel tears running down my cheeks. I’m so tired. If I blink long enough, I’ll fall asleep and send the car flying off the edge of the road, into the forest of pines. “Please leave me alone.”
“Why is it up to you? That’s not fair.”
I see another fork in the road, and take a right, just as my engine goes silent. I pull off the road and take a breath. Dammit.
“I have to go. Don’t call me again.”
“I can’t promise that, Brie. We’re forever. All those promises we made. I meant them all.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that when I open them again, the world will be different. That all my problems will be gone. That Neil will let me go.
It doesn’t work.
“Let me go,” I whisper. “Please.”
“I’m not giving up on you.”
“I’m going now.”
“I love?—”
I hang up before he can finish his sentence. I wish, not for the first time, that I were a strong person. A strong person would have left Neil a long time ago. A strong person would know how to fight back.
But I’ve never been a strong person. Neil is the only one who has ever said he loves me. Not even my mother spoke like that, even though I nursed her through a terminal illness for half a decade.
