‘Scottie. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t… If you hadn’t?—’
‘Stop.’ His focus drops away from me. ‘Give me a minute.’
He falls right back into it. Propping up the roof while the walls cave in. He steps in to protect me from the absolute carnage I caused.
Devastation settles across his features. He’s a man who rages on the inside. He absorbs. But this is different. This blow took his legs out. Rugby isn’t only his job. It’s the gaffer tape that holds his world together. The way he pays his family’s debts, literal and otherwise. The only currency he knows how to trade in.
And I just watched it collapse.
Around us, strangers cheer and throw axes, oblivious.
I did this. I smashed the box when I came into his room, and now the fire is spreading, and I’m watching the man I love burn because he chose to stand by me.
Because yeah, I love him.
But the cost of my safety is his life. And there’s nothing – nothing – I can do to take it back.
Chapter 21
Scottie
Coach Wallace’s voice note – suspended pending investigation – is echoing in my brain. Somewhere behind us, a hatchet thunks into wood, and a stranger whoops. My contract, my reputation, the salary that pays my mother’s mortgage and keeps David’s neuro-physio running… It’s all been fed into a shredder.
But I’m not thinking about any of that.
I’m looking at Ava. And I’m watching her leave the room without moving a muscle.
One second she was here – panicked, yes, but present – and the next, a shutter was slamming down behind her eyes.
‘You’re suspended.’ A statement of fact, delivered with the detachment of a coroner pronouncing time of death.
‘It’s only a pause.’ My knees bump the underside of the wood. ‘They have to tick boxes. Standard procedure. They have to look like they’re doing something.’
‘Because you weren’t there.’
‘More because I punched a cunt who deserved it, and because sports politics is a cesspit.’ I reach for her hand where it rests on the table, covering it with mine.
Her skin is ice. She doesn’t pull away, but she doesn’t hold on, either.
‘We’ll sort it out,’ I say. ‘Together.’
She seizes at together. It’s a microscopic tremor, but I feel it against my palm. A violent shot of adrenaline courses through my veins.
‘The suspension is the start. They’ll freeze your salary. The SRU will trigger the clawback clause on your signing bonus. They’ll want every penny back. Match fees? Gone.’ Ava withdraws her hand. ‘Your mum’s house. Support for your brother. All of it.’
‘That’s not the point.’
‘And if Nevin presses charges, the police get involved. Then they will definitely terminate for Gross Misconduct. You won’t be sacked; you’ll be completely blackballed.’
Every word is a brick she’s laying between us.
‘It’s only money.’ I wave a hand. ‘I don’t care about the bonus. I don’t care about the contract. I’ve got a few savings. I can?—’
‘I’m the common denominator.’ She finally levels a look straight at me. Her eyes are huge and empty. ‘Every bad thing that has happened to you in the past week has my name on it.’
‘Don’t be daft.’
‘You punched him because of me. You missed the event because of me. You’re suspended because of me.’ She picks up a chip from the basket on the table, inspects it, and puts it back down. ‘I’m a walking demolition crew.’
