My stomach knots, even as I try to focus on Tiernan’s grounding caresses rather than my fear.
I stand, smoothing out my dress, and step forward. I look to Alys and Dayfyd, then to Chiyo, Isobel, and Sloan. “I appreciate everyone’s determination to protect me, but this mission isn’t aboutme. It’s about all of us and the fate of the kingdom.” I swallow, feeling my voice waver. “Please don’t sacrifice someone else’s safety for my sake.”
“That is very noble of you, Durvla,” says Ava. “But if sacrifice is what it takes to get you to Siad Nahar, then so be it.”
I take my seat again, and Tiernan gives my knee another squeeze. I swear I can feel his pride, warm against my skin. My shoulders roll forward and I release a breath.
“If there are no further questions, assembly adjourned.”
“He just rolled his eyes at me again. Did you see that?” I ask, squinting at Ghendor. The black stallion nickers and spittle lands on my face, forcing me to step back. I stumble, almost tripping over Taig and knocking him over instead.
He lands on his bottom with a panicked look in his eyes, and I immediately lurch to pull him to his feet. “I’m so sorry, Taig!” I sign as my vision swirls and my head pounds from the sudden movement. He beams and wildly shakes his head back and forth with excitement, his curls flying everywhere.
I glance over at Tiernan, who’s watching the mild chaos as he runs a brush through Mirren’s cream-colored mane. He’salready groomed Ffion, and the brown mare looks on with curiosity while Mirren is groomed.
“What were you saying about Ghendor before your newborn foal legs took over?” Tiernan asks.
I groan through my laughter. “Not that again. I have improved considerably, thank you very much.” Running daily and training have improved not only my stamina but my balance too. It’s something that will never be great or even typical compared to others, but the improvement is appreciated.
Tiernan glances over at the stall where Ghendor stands, the horse staring at me with neutrality now. “I think you’re being paranoid,” Tiernan says, smirking at me.
“I’m not. Ghendor justtoleratesme. Don’t you, boy?” I reach out to rub the stallion’s snout, and he lets me.
The stable is dimly lit with magelights, like all buildings in the Verge. A few other horses look on with curiosity while others are asleep or too preoccupied nibbling hay. There are a couple other riders there as well, checking in on their horses. Taig teeters down the row of stalls, then turns and walks back our way, again and again without seeming to get bored.
I wish we were so easily appeased in life as adults.
“I cannot believe we have to travel again,” I say. I don’t really want to see Tiernan’s response, so I keep my focus on Ghendor. With a sigh, I pull an apple from the pocket of my dress and offer it to him. “You’re stuck with us again,” I tell him as he lips at the apple. “My sincerest apologies. Hopefully it won’t be for very long. And this time, we’ll have a better saddle.”
Ghendor takes his apple and presents his rump to me, sauntering off with clear dismissal. Tiernan has set the brush aside and is walking my way. As Taig starts to hobble past him, Tiernan hoists him onto his hip and reaches out to take my hand.
“See you later, Ghendor, Mirren, Ffion,” I call over my shoulder as we walk toward the entrance to the large stables.
We take our time walking across the grounds, letting Taig get a chance to walk and trailing him when he wanders.
The community garden lures us in one last time and we oblige, stepping into flourishing bushes of tomatoes, peppers, and spinach. It’s so very different from the blight we witnessed Outside. How much worse has it gotten in the two months we’ve been here? We pick some produce to leave behind for Alys’s cousin. A token of my gratitude for their willingness to look after Taig in my absence.
By the time we return to the house, I’m holding back tears to the best of my ability, but I eventually escape to the bath chamber to have a good cry. I need to get it out of my system before we set off, because once we’re on the road, there will be no time for tears.
Saying goodbye to Taig the next morning proves to be even more difficult than I imagined. He presses his little head against my collarbone as I kneel in front of him, and I wrap my arms around his lithe frame. His chestnut curls get in my mouth, and I cannot help but think, with sheer absurdity, that I’ll miss having his hair in my face. I press my hands to his dimpled cheeks, and he grunts, his narrow shoulders jutting upward. I stare into his big, brown eyes, and for the briefest moment, he returns my gaze.
“Be good, alright?” I sign, choking out the words as best as I can.
I search his face for any sign of understanding before he teeters away from me and toward the family who will be looking after him. If we’re somehow never reunited after today, would heremember me? Would he understand that I’m not walking away from him because I don’t want him, but because I want to help make a better worldforhim?
Perhaps he’s better off existing in his bubble of blissful ignorance, but I selfishly want him to understand how much I’llmiss him.
Alys’s cousin, Jali, approaches me, steady grey eyes filled with compassion. “We’ll take care of him like he’s our own,” she signs. I peer over her shoulder at Taig hobbling toward the youngest of Jali’s children, and then to her older daughter who sweeps him into her arms.
“I trust you,” I tell Jali, and I’m relieved by my own sincerity.
Still, it feels unnatural to walk away from my little brother, not knowing when I’ll see him again. To realize that he doesn’t need me, and that perhaps I’ve always been the one who’s needed him more.
The seven of us stand at the invisible wards with the ramparts behind us and Verge guards overseeing our transition through the barrier. Oksana and another Wielder I don’t know stand on either side of our group as we mount our horses. The air is charged, and Ghendor’s uneasy as Tiernan takes the reins, his thighs on either side of me. Perhaps it isn’tnecessarythat I ride tandem with him, since I seem to have more control of my daywalking now, but a part of me is grateful. This time, we even have a saddle made for tandem riding.
“How are you feeling?” Tiernan asks as my eyes are trained on the Wielders.
“Anxious. But what’s new?”I smile despite myself and Tiernan’s chest ripples with subtle laughter behind me.
