“No. Whatever happened to you could’ve turned you into a better person. You could’ve grown from it, instead you use it as an excuse to justify becoming this.” I wave, gesturing to his body. “My tragic event is going to make me stronger.”
Or at least I’m going to pretend it will.
“You are so naïve.” He chuckles, shaking his hair. Blond strands fly in every direction before he stills. “The abuse lives inside your bones now. You will never be able to escape it. I bet it eats you alive at night, huh? Seeing his face must make you sick. You can pretend, act so well he never knows, but you’ll know and that’s all that matters.”
I press my lips together, processing his words as tears fill my eyes. Part of me knows he is probably right. Even as my mind tries to tell me it’s just the words of a silly boy who has no idea how to deal with the real world. But I’m terrified he is right. What if I can never move past it?
“That’s what I thought,” he says lightly. “So, tell me, Prue, what do you plan to do with your demons? I tried every way possible to drown mine. Music has been the most helpful, but that is slipping through my fingertips now. What will you do?”
“Maybe I’ll become a serial killer,” I snap, wiping at my eyes. I refuse to let his words get to me.
He laughs loudly, hugging his chest as his laugh fills the room. I feel my lips curve up, the sound and sight of him laughing making me feel a little warm inside. I try to cover it byglaring at him, but I can tell he sees right through it because he laughs harder.
“Who would you kill first? Him or me?”
“Neither. Only rookies kill someone they know. You need to pick someone random, someone you have no ties to. It has to happen in a place you frequent often so if they happen to find evidence of you in the area it makes sense. Getting rid of the weapon is important. So often people get caught because they have the weapon on them. They think it’s safer to have it, but it’s not.”
“Holy shit.” He laughs again, as I grin at him. “You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”
“No. I just listen to a lot of podcasts.”
“Not music?”
“I listen to music too.” I shrug.
“My band?”
“Yes. I’ve even been to a few of your concerts. I was backstage a few times when Cameron toured with you guys.”
“And somehow I didn’t notice you.”
“You had a girl on both arms. I don’t think you felt the need to look anywhere else.” I laugh. “Plus, I had a boyfriend.”
“Are you younger than Cameron?”
“Yes.”
“By how much?” His eyes widen, as if he is trying to do the math. “Please tell me I didn’t let a fucking teenager suck my cock. That would be a low I don’t think I could live with.”
“Five minutes. We are twins.”
“Jesus. Thank the lord.” He rubs his head. “Do you have any idea how many teenagers try to fuck me? It’s terrifying.”
“You need to start checking ID.”
“I should.” He laughs. “You must be 21 and up to ride this ride.”
I let myself laugh again.
Ben might be a giant asshole, but he could be a good distraction.
Maybe he could numb my pain.
EIGHT
I knowwhen I sober up, I’m going to regret calling Prue, but as she sits on the other end of my couch, I feel an odd sense of peace. At least when it’s a known fact someone hates you, you don’t need to hide any parts of you. I can be my true self with her. I’m always an asshole, but with her I can be pathetic as well.
We have fallen into a calm silence, watching music videos play on TV. My vision is growing clearer with every passing moment. The hangover is just on the horizon, though. Whenever I finally go to sleep, I’ll wake up feeling worse, but for a moment it feels good to give into the misery. Let future Ben deal with the fall out of me trying to keep from blowing my brains out.
