“I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know how to feel, and I’m not really sure any of this is real. I’m terrified, Tristan.”
I dig my nails into the palms of my hands, feeling the invisible crack run down the center of my chest. The floodgates are about to open, and I don’t think I can stop them.
My control is slipping away.
Tristan’s gaze softens, and there is no pity in his eyes, just pure understanding. “What are you afraid of?”
Everything.
Nothing.
Getting used to needing him and then rotting in familiar loneliness once he leaves. Feelings I have never experienced before. They’re suffocating and intoxicating at the same time. How is that not terrifying?
“Zoe,” Tristan calls out when I don’t respond.
“I’m afraid of feeling everything. That what I’m experiencing isn’t actually real. That I’ll lose him one day. Because all things eventually pass. And then I’ll be left with all our stupid memories. The lingering looks, the way his fingers feel against my skin, the sound of his heartbeat, the way he makes me feel, the words he’s said to me… What will I do about all of it? I don’t want to feel it, Tristan. It’s easier not to feel.”
Tristan stares at me for a long time before his face drops and he laughs softly.
When he stops and finally looks up at me, there is no trace of humor on his beautiful face. “You don’t have a choice anymore. And you’re fucking blind. You’ve been blind this entire time. Do you think Dominik has control over the way he feels for you? That man has loved you from the very beginning. He’s spent years trying to forget you, and he’s failed again and again. You are and have always been the one thing he can never let go. I may not know what romantic love is, Zoe, but I know what you and Dom have goes way beyond any of that. A type of connection that’s not from this world. You need to embrace it and stop pushing him away. You need to feel it all. Haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like to be loved properly?”
I want to fight back. I want to tell him he’s wrong, that Dominik will grow bored. That everything and everyone changes. People promise forever, but they never mean it. It’s all temporary, and I don’t rely on the now.
I never have.
But the words don’t come.
Because the truth is, I would kill to experience it for just a moment. To give myself permission to get lost in it, embrace the depth of that type of love for only a heartbeat. To dare to believe in an irrevocable type of love. But it doesn’t believe in me, it never has.
I swallow hard, trying to ignore the fury inside me. “He lied to me. He tricked me.”
“But you’ve forgiven him for that already, so why are you hanging on to it?” Tristan says, not missing a beat.
My gaze jumps to his, and the smug expression on his face tells me everything I need to know. I didn’t think Dominik would open up to anyone about what happened, but maybe the three of them are more solid than I gave them credit for. Does Aaron know too? I doubt it.
“He told you?” I arch a brow.
“He didn’t have to.”
Damn… Is this guy a mind reader?
Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, “Do you also hack into everyone’s business?” but Tristan isn’t bothered. His deep laugh fills the near-empty cafeteria, and I’m thankful for the momentary break.
“I may dabble here and there. I like to do my research on people.”
Now I’m wondering what the heck he knows about me. I feel my face grow hot, thinking that he likely knows about my tastes in the bedroom. What does it matter? I’m sure Tristan is into some wild stuff himself. He doesn’t strike me as Mr. Vanilla.
Oh god, now I’m thinking about Tristan and his possible rope collection.
Please stop.
I drop my face into my hands, groaning and cursing myself out in my head. But it doesn’t last long before Tristan pulls my hands down, forcing me to look at him.
“I think what happened today proved a lot to you. You care so much more than you let on, Zoe. Don’t run away from that. And you also need to talk to your brother. Soon.”
Right now, I think I dread that the most. My head drops back into my hands, and Tristan bursts into laughter.
But somewhere inside me, I feel comforted, knowing I finally showed a piece of myself to someone and they didn’t run the other way. Tristan has so many layers, and I hope one day, he’ll allow me to be there for him too.
