“This isn’t about him, though, sweetie. It’s about you. So whatever decision you need to make, it needs to be for you. For your happiness. You have to decide whatyouwant. And whatever it is, no matter how long it takes, I will help you with it. So, there is no pressure, you understand?”
I nod. “I know what I want,” I say, my heart lifting slightly.
“You do?” she grins, as though she already knew this, too.
I nod. “I do.”
“Well, that’s always a good thing. Then tomorrow we can start helping you get what you want. But tonight, you are drinking wine with me and eating stir fry,” she grins, holding up her glass and tapping the edge of it against mine.
Chapter 23 - Adrian
Every day without her is a living version of hell.
But the nights are worse.
At least during the day, there are things happening. Things to distract me and pull my thoughts off her, even if it’s only for a brief second. Those seconds of relief are helping me survive.
At night, I don’t have that luxury. It’s quiet and dark, and the house is empty, and my head is flooded with her. Her smile. Her scent. Her laughter. Everything that I have lost. Everything that I pushed away because I was stupid enough to repeat the past.
I have to force myself to eat. I have to force myself to lie down when I need to sleep, even though it’s mostly pointless. At least my body is resting despite the fact that I toss and turn.
Sleep is a dream. I hardly know what it feels like to be rested anymore.
When the sun rises, I try to recall if I got any sleep or not the night before, before I drag myself out of bed to face the day, because there is nothing else I can do. I have to keep moving forward somehow.
Although I am tempted to fade away into nothing, I still have tasks to do. Something that I would never trust to someone else. I have to monitor it and track the progress constantly. I manage things and make sure nothing is missed.
Firstly, I want to know where she is. Not to force her back. Not even to force her to talk to me. But just to know she is ok. I’m driving my teams crazy with how often I follow up.Have you found her? Have you heard anything new? Are thereany sightings? Are you watching the highway exits? Are you tracking the airports? The train stations? Do you have someone at the yacht club? What if she left my boat? If she’s in the city, where are you looking?
I am harassing them. But I can’t stop myself. I’m driving myself crazy doing it. So, I can’t imagine how frustrated they are with me.
The second task that is consuming me is finding out who killed her father. I don’t particularly care about the old man. It’s not about him. It’s not above avenging him or righting a wrong. What happened happened, and it happened because of the lifestyle he chose.
My concern is for her.
My gut feeling is that she might be in danger from the same people. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I’m being paranoid. But I’d rather get to the bottom of it and get proper answers, instead of just assuming and regretting it later. I want to be one step ahead. Right now, I feel like I’m ten steps behind.
If she is in danger, I will need to find her before they do.
I don’t bother turning the bathroom light on when I walk into it. The dim light makes it easier to hide in. Even this, though, is too bright. It’s too confrontational.
I flick the shower on and start peeling my shirt off because I can’t fall asleep and wake up in the same clothes for athirdday.
Not that I slept. But still. It’s not the point.
While steam fills the room, I stare at my reflection in the mirror above the basin. My eyes are dark. Shadows sit beneath them, making my face look older. Drained.
It’s like she was the light inside me, and it’s been snuffed out. Stolen away. But it wasn’t stolen. Nothing was stolen from me. I lost that because of my own actions.
I am the only one to blame.
I need to tell her how sorry I am.
No, I need to leave her alone and work in the background to make sure she’s safe.
That’s all Ineedto do.
Leave her to live her life and protect her from behind the curtains. I’ve envisioned it a number of times over the past few days. How I would watch her secretly. I’d help her get the best job. The best apartment. A safe car. I’d do it in ways she wouldn’t suspect. I’d watch her live a happy life. Maybe she’d meet someone… fall in love…
