What am I supposed to do about all of this?
I told my father not to call me again, but is that really the answer?
Isn’t there a better solution?
Another hour goes by, and the shopping has lost all its shine for me. I’ve ordered a lot. Adrian might even be mad when it starts arriving over the next few days or when he sees the charges on his card.
Sighing, I drop the phone onto my pillow and roll onto my side to stare out of the window.
Still snowing. But it’s softer than yesterday, and the wind has stopped. It’s really pretty outside. Maybe I should go take photos.
Ugh.
I need to talk to someone. I need to get all these thoughts out of my head to sort them into manageable piles of ideas I can actually process. Right now, I’m just looping and getting nowhere. It’s frustrating.
But there is only one person I ever used to pour my heart out to.
My mother.
I know, it sounds weird that I was pouring my heart out to a gravestone, but I always felt like she could hear me. I always felt like she snuck answers into my thoughts and set my heart at peace.
I used to go sit by her grave and read to her or tell her about my day. I would tell her everything.
It was easier than talking to my dad. He wasn’t really the type of man you shared emotional stuff with. It always felt like Iwas burdening him, so I learned not to share my thoughts or my opinions. I learned to be polite and easy-going around him.
I wish my mom were here now. She would know what to do.
I imagine moms as these magical beings who have all the answers.
Sighing, I sit up and stare at my bedroom door.
Maybe I should go talk to her. It’s better than sitting in this room staring at the window.
I need fresh air and to clear my head.
But it’s not the best or safest area to go alone. My dad couldn’t exactly afford an expensive grave site for her.
Reluctantly, I throw my legs off the side of the bed and plod my way downstairs in search of Adrian. I’m not reckless enough to go there alone, so I’ll just ask him to take me.
It’ll be a little awkward, but it’s ok. I get the feeling he wants to make things right between us, so I hope he understands that I need this.
Adrian is in the kitchen when I find him.
As soon as I walk in, he stops what he’s doing and turns to smile at me. “Hi, you, do you want some tea?” he asks. “Did you see the sneakers I sent you?”
“I did. I ordered them. They were really cute. I ordered quite a bit of stuff, actually,” I smile nervously.
“Awesome, I can’t wait to see what you got.” He holds up an empty mug and raises his brows.
“No, thank you, but I have a favor to ask you?”
He sets the mug down and gives me his full attention. “Anything,” he answers.
“I need you to take me to Smithson Street downtown. There is a small park there and…”
“That is a really dangerous part of town, Athena. I really don’t think you should be going there. Is this something to do with your father? I would prefer you go somewhere else.”
“No, it’s not about my father. There is a park there and…”
