I stare out the window of my penthouse, not really seeing a thing. I barely slept. Couldn’t stop thinking about him taking Ceci back to his place, wherever the hell that smug bastard lives.
I know she wouldn’t take him to her house. Not with Ethan there. So of course my mind spent the entire night imagining them ending the evening at his home. Imagining him touching her in ways only I ever have. Touching places only I know, the places that made her gasp and fall apart under my hands.
Her body... The body I knew better than she did for years. She was mine. Only mine.
“Dad?”
Her voice snaps me out of the spiral, and I turn to Alicia with a smile, the complete opposite of everything burning inside me.
That was another change this week. Alicia went back to calling me Dad. And it was more than I’d hoped for. It happened right here in this same living room, Tuesday night.
We’re halfway through the dinner I ordered when Alicia turns to me and casually asks, “Dad, do you have more apple juice?”
I almost choke on the roast. I don’t trust my voice, so I just nod and get up, heading to the kitchen to grab more juice. And if I didn’t have any left, I would’ve sprinted to the nearest store, just to avoid even the smallest hint of disappointment on her face.
When I come back, I fill her glass, and before I can stop myself, I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you, princess,” I say, my voice thick with emotion.
Alicia looks up at me, smiling. “I know, Dad.”
She doesn’t say she loves me back... but I see it in her eyes. And right now, that’s more than enough.
I walk over to her and press a kiss to her forehead.
“Did you sleep well, sweetheart? Did you like your new bed?”
She smiles up at me and nods. “Yeah. I loved it. I’m thinking about asking Mom to swap mine at home for one just like it.”
At home.Because no matter how many weekends she starts spending with me now, the place where her mother and her brother live will always be her home.
“What do you think about pancakes for breakfast?” I ask.
Alicia gives me a skeptical look. “You’re going to make them?”
I laugh and tell her no, and when I say I’m taking her to one of her favorite breakfast spots, she practically sprints to her room to get changed.
After breakfast, we spend the entire day out, going everywhere Alicia wants to go. We end the day at the movie theater, watching the premiere of an animated film she’s been excited about. It’s the first time in a long time that she’s spent a whole day with me without inviting any of her friends along. Just the two of us. All day.
We got home almost two hours ago, and Alicia went straight to the shower and then to bed.
And now, sitting here alone in the living room, my thoughts come back to torment me. They always do when there’s nothing to distract me.
My eyes drift to the framed photo Ceci asked Alicia to bring me the moment they got back from the trip. I get up from the couch and pick it up. Ethan, wearing his graduation gown, smiling openly at the camera.
“When you look at my smile in those photos, I want you to understand something. I’m smiling because I got here in spite of you... not because of you. And I’ll be smiling at the two people I love most in this world.”
That stab hits me right in the ribs, the one I always feel whenever I think about my son. He was brilliant that day. Beyond brilliant. His speech was moving, inspiring. Everything he is. I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of him than I was in that moment.
But it was bittersweet. Standing there, being part of something so important, and knowing a part of him didn’t want me there at all.
Him not mentioning me in his speech hurt, but I could never blame him for it. Not when I’m the one who failed to give him any reason to be proud of me.
I touch my face, only then realizing my cheeks are wet. I place the photo back where it belongs, wipe my face with both hands, and head to the bedroom. I need to try to sleep. And I need to think about how to make tomorrow special for Alicia before I take her back home.
I can’t lose her again. Not when she’s all I have left.
I park the car in front of the house, and Alicia leans over to kiss my cheek before hopping out. I watch her walk up to the front door, which opens with Ceci already waiting for her on the doorstep with open arms.
They hug tightly. For a long time. Like they’ve spent months apart instead of barely three days. I can’t help smiling at the sight. Alicia goes inside, and I’m just about to pull away when I see Ceci walking toward me.
