“You totally do. You’ve got the big doe eyes and everything.”
“And here I thought maybe we could be friends,” I toss out before stalking off.
“Oh, don’t be like that, Cindy!” Lane cackles as he races to catch up with me.
“You suck.”
“I do, but at least I’m funny.”
“Yeah, whatever. Now feed me before I turn into Fiona after dark.”
“Fiona was not a Disney princess.”
“You would know,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
Lane just smirks at me as he hands me a tray. Once we have our meals, we find an empty table and sit down.
Our banter continues for the rest of our meal. He’s not half as bad as I thought he’d be. It’s possible that he’s someone I could maybe, potentially, almost have a friendship with outside of here. Not that I’d ever admit that to him—or, god forbid, Betty.She’d be so fucking smug.
Cooper
The wait for Teddy’s visit has been this weird time warp. Yesterday lasted a million years, but today it’s like I blinked and the hours just disappeared. My brain hasn’t been able to decide if it wants to be excited or anxious, but either way, my heart has been working double time since my phone call with Teddy. Now that the moment has finally arrived, my stomach has decided it needs to get in on the action as well.I swear there’s a whole acrobat troupe in there putting on the show of their lives.
Teddy should be here any minute, and my brain finally settles on being anxious. My bouncing leg shakes the table enough to drive Lane away with an irritated huff.Rude. Too busy scowling at Lane’s retreating back, I end up missing the moment the unit door opens. The sound of the lock reengaging has my gaze snapping back to the door. I nearly choke on my own spit when the sight of Teddy standing there causes me to inhale sharply. Clearing my throat—subtly, of course, and not at all like I’m dying—I stand as he makes his way over.
Shit. Do I hug him? No. I can’t do that. Not yet. Shake hands? What am I? Forty? Do that little wave, like strangers do?Why the fuck is this so awkward?
Talking to him has always been as easy as breathing. I didn’t have any issues directly after my attempt, but I guess I was still kind of in shock. Now, in the completely unfiltered, ultra-bright lights of the psych ward, I have nowhere to hide. All of me is on display, and I’m terrified of what he’ll see.
Teddy apparently has no such qualms. “Can I hug you?” he asks as soon as he stops in front of me.
“I want to,” I hedge, “but I think it might be too much right now.”
“That’s okay. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”
They say some things never change. Teddy is definitely one of those things. He’s still as steadfast and patient as he was when we were kids. No matter how hyper or annoying I would get, he was never bothered.
“Do you wanna sit?” I gesture to the table.
“After you.” He chooses to leave an empty seat between us, silently respecting my need for space. Starting a conversation turns out to be even more of a struggle than the greeting. Every generic opening line feels like a land mine. How have I been?Terrible, thanks. What have I been up to?You don’t wanna know.My mental spiral is interrupted by Teddy’s smooth voice.
“It’s really good to see you, LB. I wasn’t sure this day would ever come.”
“Yeah, me neither, if I’m being honest. I wanted to come home, Teddy. There was nothing I wanted more. I just…couldn’t.”
“But why? You have to know that Mom and I would have welcomed you with open arms.”
“I know. Or I know that now, but back then… I was so broken. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. Hell, I stillcan’t. But it was a thousand times worse then. I hated myself. I hated every breath I took. I hated the world and everyone in it. I couldn’t come home because I no longer felt lovable. I barely felt human. All I felt was despair, disgust, and pain. I want to explain, and I will. Just not yet. Not yet, Teddy.” My voice breaks on his name. My chest heaves. I can feel the tears burning my eyes.
“Okay, LB. Hey, take a breath for me.” I do as he says. “There we go. Keep breathing. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I know you would have come home if you could have. I guess some part of me is still that hurt fourteen-year-old, just wanting his other half back. And please don’t take that as me blaming you. That’s not what I mean. I just meant that I thought I had dealt with the pain of losing you, but seeing you again has brought some of it back up.” At my flinch, he continues. “Just know that there is no amount of pain that I wouldn’t go through to have you back. You are worth it.”
“I’m really not.”
“That’s not for you to decide. I get to decide who is and isn’t important to me and what their presence in my life is worth. I want you to look at me when I say this, please.”
It’s a struggle, but I raise my head enough to look into his eyes. “You, Cooper Gray Sorenson,youare worth everything. At your best, your worst, and everything in between. You are worth it.”
I burst into tears. My soul cries out for Teddy’s touch because there was a time when his hugs could fix all of my hurts, but this particular hurt is one that I have to fix on my own. Silas Sorenson has taken enough from me. I will not allow him to take my future as well. Teddy sits in front of me, and the stress he feels at not being able to comfort me is plain to see. He never could just sit by and watch someone hurt. I need him to knowthat his restraint and respect for my boundaries mean the world to me. And if I’m being honest with myself, I just need him.
