I don’t say anything, but my blood is heating with a level of fury I haven’t experienced in a long time.
“He didn’t call after that. When I realized I was pregnant, I went to his place but his wife answered the door and wouldn’t let me in. I ended up writing him a letter, and the only response I got was an official request from his lawyer for a paternity test.” Her eyes close, and emotions play across her face. For the first time, I can see how much she must have been hurting, and how difficult it must have been to navigate the strange playing field she found herself on as a teenager with no one to back her up.
“I did the test because I was in no financial position to have a baby, and I needed his help. I knew you were his because I hadn’t been with anyone else.” Her tone lacks inflection. If I were her, I’d be bitter as fuck. Her eyelids flutter open. “That’s the truth of Cedar Bend’s favorite harlot. I was a virgin before Harrison, and I wasn’t with another man for years after. His wife spread vicious rumors about how I’d flaunted myself and led him down a path of treachery. Turned him into the dog he was. I understood. She was pregnant and afraid of being alone, so she needed to make me the bad guy to justify staying with him.”
“But you let the stories continue for years,” I cut in, finally unable to stay quiet. “Why didn’t you speak up later?”
She shrugs, and the careless gesture drives me crazy. “No one would have believed me, and what would it have gained?” She reaches across the table and places her hand on mine. “I know the kids picked on you because of my reputation, but if I’d said anything, I’d only have made it worse because the other mothers would have rallied behind them, not us.” She sighs. “People believe what fits their version of the narrative. Besides…” She squeezes my hand. “I had you. My little miracle. I could never regret the events that brought you to me.”
“I love you, Mom.”
Her eyes glimmer with unshed tears. “I love you too. You’ve always been what made everything worth it.”
Guilt pricks my conscience. What am I supposed to do with that? For decades, I believed the stories about her—at least partially—because she never said anything to the contrary. I feel sick at the thought of how I behaved during my teenage years. I’d been a sullen little shit, and dozens of times, it would have been so easy for her to shout the truth, but she hadn’t, because she’d just been happy to have me.
“I’m sorry.” I swallow hard, feeling prickles in the back of my eyes that are not okay. “I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay, honey.” She smiles. “That’s how I wanted it. If I’d told you what happened when you were younger, you might have wondered whether I even wanted you. At least the way they painted it, I intentionally got pregnant to try to coerce Harrison into leaving his family. Having an absent father was enough. You didn’t need to question whether you’d ruined my life too. Because you didn’t. You made it.”
I lurch to my feet and round the desk. Mom remains seated, tilting her head to look up at me. Sometimes I forget how small she is. How fragile. Yet she managed to raise two children after being abandoned first by one man at the tender age of eighteen, and then another twelve years later. I offer her a hand and she takes it. I yank her into a hug. The tightest one I’ve ever given. My heart hurts for the girl she must have been. Alone, confused, and pregnant. But somehow she made it work.
“You could have told me,” I murmur before releasing her. “Maybe not when I was a kid, but I’ve been a man for a long time.”
She lifts one shoulder, then drops it. “The timing wasn’t right. It is now.” She rubs a hand over her heart. “I feel it in here.”
“Thank you.” I kiss her cheek. “I appreciate you being honest with me, and I’m sorry if I’ve ever said or done anything to make you feel bad about what happened.”
“Oh, honey.” Her smile softens. “You’re already forgiven.”
Ashlin
When Seth returns to the living area after speaking privately with Mae, something is different. He’s lost a little of the restless energy that radiated from him earlier. He glances at Mae, and his expression is gentle. But I don’t get the chance to ask about it because Devon corrals us all into a card game. I sit on the sofa, my legs aligned with Seth’s, nearly vibrating with the need to ask him about their conversation, but he seems determined to seduce me instead. His palm rests on my thigh, and his fingertips stroke the soft flesh on the inner side. When I sneak a look at him, he gives me a breathtaking smile that I haven’t seen in an eternity. It’s sweet and open. His eyes crinkle at the corners, and I long to climb onto his lap, cling to his chest, and stare at that ruggedly sexy face for hours.
Then he winks.
Winks.
The man I’ve been coming to know all over again doesn’t wink. What did Mae do to him?
He dips his mouth near my ear and whispers, “You’re so special to me, Ash.”
I melt. What else is a girl supposed to do when the only man she’s ever loved murmurs sweet nothings to her?
Finally, after hours of conversation, we all head off to bed. Rich makes the comment that he’ll see us in the morning, and I wait for Seth to react to the notion that the man will be spending the night with his mother, but other than a brief stiffening of his muscles, it doesn’t come. He simply nods and shakes the guy’s hand.
“Okay, I’ve got to know,” I say the moment we’re alone. “What did you and your mom talk about?”
He flops onto the bed and pats the space beside him. I lie alongside him, still fully clothed, and he places an arm over my waist.
“My dad.”
“Really?” I didn’t expect that. For as long as I can remember, Mae has been a locked vault when it comes to any questions about the man who donated his DNA to create Seth. He’s filled in a lot of blanks himself, but I know it doesn’t sit well with him. Nobody wants to think of their mother as a home-wrecker. That said, Mae was young when she had him. Barely more than a child herself. Everyone makes bad decisions at that age.
“It wasn’t anything like I thought.”
“I’m here if you want to talk, but no pressure.” Despite my curiosity, I don’t push, because all kinds of things are swirling behind his eyes and after nearly four decades of silence from the only person who could explain everything, I know he has a lot to process. It’s okay if he needs to work it through for the night before he talks to me. Unless his temper is pricked, Seth is the type to mull things over.
But then he tells me everything. By the time he finishes, my heart aches with pain at the thought of poor Mae and what she endured. For her to have knowingly entered into an affair with a married man would be one thing, but for him to intentionally mislead her because of her youth and naivety…. What an asshole. I’ve never met Seth’s birth father, who served as mayor of this town for nearly twenty years, but I want to punch him in the nose. I could do some damage, too. Seth taught me to take an attacker down. He wanted me to be prepared in case he wasn’t always around to protect me. But who has been protecting him?
