“There’s not.” She doesn’t elaborate, and I can’t help the barrage of questions I want to throw at her. Have there been others? Has she dated? Kissed? Fucked?Loved? It’s the last possibility that gets me the worst, chilling my chest and robbing me of my ability to breathe. “How about you? Any girlfriend I should be aware of?”
A ragged laugh gusts from me. “Nope.”
There’s been no one since her. Anytime I get close to someone, it feels wrong. One time, I nearly kissed a woman, but I couldn’t go through with it and ended up heaving my guts into a toilet a few moments later.
“Is Harley still living with you?” she asks.
Harley is my kid sister, and a friend of Ashlin’s. We divorced while Harley was out of the country, and as far as I know, no one has ever explained the reason for our separation to her. No one has explained it to anyone. It hurt too much.
“Yeah, for now. She and Dev seem pretty hot and heavy, so she might move in with him soon. I’ll miss her, but it’ll be a relief not to worry about seeing him naked every time I come home. He’s not shy about his body, that’s for fucking sure.”
She giggles, and the reluctant sound makes me feel like a king. It reminds me of who she used to be when she wasn’t quite so contained. Not that there’s anything wrong with her current level of reserve, and considering we’re separated, it’s probably appropriate, but that doesn’t mean I like it.
“Do you, uh, live with anyone?” I ask.
“No.” She steeples her fingers and studies me over them. “I’d drive a roommate crazy with all the—” She cuts herself off, and shakes her head self-consciously. “I don’t need to bore you with the details. Suffice it to say, I live alone.” She slides her chair back and stands up. “I’d better get going. Call me if you have any questions about the contract.”
“I will.” I watch, bemused, as she leaves cash on the table and walks away. What was that last hesitation about?
Ashlin
That was close. I nearly told Seth more than I’m comfortable with him knowing at this point. Honestly, I expected to be flustered by being around him, but I underestimated how much he’s still imprinted on my heart. We’re always going to have a physical attraction—that’s just chemistry—but he stirred emotions I’d prefer to remain dormant.
When I reach my car, I pause to look at my hands. They’re trembling. I breathe in to the count of five, then out to the count of seven, and repeat the cycle until I’ve calmed enough to unlock the door and let myself in. Sliding into the seat, I close my eyes and then rest my forehead on the steering wheel. I’m filled with jittery energy, and it’s just as well I know exactly how to work it off—one of the few positive things that came of my miscarriage. I fish my phone from my purse and open the group chat I have running with Paige and Jessica, two of my best friends.
Ashlin:He said yes!
Paige:Holy shit. So it’s a go?
Ashlin:Once he’s signed the contract.
Jessica:Are you okay after seeing him again?
Ashlin:A bit shaky, but good overall.
Paige:We’re on our way to your place with pregnancy-approved snacks.
I smile. When I first masterminded my plan, I was worried how they’d react, considering I met them in a support group for women who’d miscarried or gone through a stillbirth. I was aware that by trying to get pregnant, I might trigger their grief and poke at old wounds, but they’ve both been wonderful. Except for some initial misgivings about involving Seth—because they know he’s the love of my life and time hasn’t changed that—they’ve been behind me all the way. I couldn’t ask for better.
Ashlin:I’ll be there soon. Just leaving Sugar.
Jessica:Drive safe. XO
It doesn’t take me long to reach the brick house I bought a couple of years ago. Typically, a house this size in this part of town would be outside my budget, but the interior was an absolute disaster zone, so I picked it up for a bargain. Paige’s sporty BMW convertible is parked on the road, and I pull up the short drive, pressing the automatic garage door opener to let myself in. As I park and get out, the girls approach from behind. Paige bounces toward me, her glossy brown curls swinging over her shoulders, while Jessica follows at a more dignified pace. My friends are very different from each other, and from me, but somehow the three of us work well together.
Paige comes from money, but except for her flashy car and designer outfits, you wouldn’t know it. She’s all smiles and seems to find something she likes about everyone she encounters. Jessica, on the other hand, is a former professional beach volleyball player who looks like Malibu Barbie, but she worked her way up from nothing and keeps her cards close to her chest. At the moment, her tanned legs eat up the distance between us, while her movements remain graceful and unhurried.
Paige sweeps me into a hug and lifts me off the ground—not difficult, considering I can barely claim a height of five-two. “Gah, I’m so happy for you.” She sets me on my feet and grabs me by the shoulders. “Everything is falling into place, and now you’re going to have a little fighter baby with sexy genes.”
“I hope so.” I brush my bangs off my face, and turn to Jessica. “Now we cross our fingers he doesn’t question the contract.”
She raises a perfectly arched brow. “You think he will?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “Seth is a lot of things, but easy isn’t one of them. I can think of at least one clause off the top of my head that he’ll probably argue.”
“Custody,” she says, and I nod. The three of us talked it over extensively. Seth didn’t have the best childhood, and he always made it clear that he intended to be a better father than his own absent one had been. Once he sees the clause where I’ve asked him to sign away all parental rights, I’m expecting a call. Honestly, a joint custody arrangement might be best for our future child, but it won’t be comfortable for me, so I decided it was worth trying for sole custody and seeing whether he made a fuss.
Paige deflates, but pats my arm encouragingly. “It’s okay, Ash. We’ve got a game plan. You’re ready for whatever comes, and we’ll be with you no matter what.”
