Her hands go to her hips. “Nothing good ever starts with that phrase.”
I’m hoping she’ll change her mind. “Ash and I are trying to have a baby.”
Her jaw drops.
“Holy shit,” Devon breathes from somewhere behind me.
“You’re… together?” Harley asks, eyes like saucers.
“No.” With a substantial effort, I manage not to cringe. “She wants to have a baby and asked me to be the father. We’re doing IVF. They implanted an embryo today.”
“Wait.” She holds up a hand, forehead crinkling. “You waited until after everything was done to mention it to me?”
Devon snorts. “Might not wanna cast shade, Harls.”
She winces. He’s referring to the fact they kept their relationship secret from me. “Fair call,” she allows. “But still. I’m going to be an aunt.”
“Maybe.” My tone holds more warning than it ought, and I sigh, rubbing my temples. “Sorry, I just mean that IVF only has a thirty percent success rate, so it might not work, and I don’t want you getting your hopes up in case it doesn’t.”
The glimmer in her eyes tells me that her hopes are well and truly raised. “Do you think you’ll try to make it work with her? Wait—you are going to actually be the dad, right? This isn’t like an anonymous donor type situation where the kid grows up having no idea who they are?” She exchanges a glance with Devon, and I frown. There’s a story there.
“I’ll be their dad,” I confirm. “If there’s a baby. It’s still a big ‘if.’ As for Ash and me…” I rake my fingers over my scalp, embarrassed by what I’m about to say. “I’d do pretty much anything for another chance with her.”
“Oh, Seth.” Her expression is uncharacteristically gentle. “You two are so right together. She’d be stupid not to give you one, and we both know Ash is smarter than either of us.”
“I hope so,” I mutter, anxiety turning me inside out. “I miss her like crazy.”
“Dude, you aren’t doing this just to win her back, are you?” Devon asks. “’Cause if it doesn’t work out, that’s a lot of potential years of bitterness ahead.”
“That’s not the only reason,” I assure him. “It’s a factor, but I always wanted a kid, and however things end, I want Ash to be happy. It’s the least she deserves.”
“Okay, then.” He nods, seeming satisfied.
“Pregnancy was actually the catalyst for our divorce,” I admit, coming clean for the first time. “Ash miscarried. She got really down and I didn’t handle it well. I buried myself in work and let her push me away. I wasn’t there for her. But I will be this time.”
“Oh, Seth.” Harley’s eyes shine with tears. “I never knew.”
I shrug, uncomfortable. “No one did.”
“I’m sorry you went through that,” she said.
“Things will be different this time,” Devon adds. “In fact, let’s celebrate with champagne.”
“How about a beer?” I suggest, pulling a face. I don’t do the fancy stuff—a fact he’s well aware of.
“Not for me.” Harley checks dinner again and turns the stove off. “Stay and eat with us too.”
The invitation warms me. I know I messed up by making such a big deal about her and Devon dating, and I thank my lucky stars that they’re more understanding than some people might be. I don’t mean to be a cynic, but when you’ve lost the love of your life, you spot all the potential pitfalls in relationships.
Later that night, I check in with Ashlin via text to make sure she’s okay. I keep in touch that way for the rest of the week. It’s rare for an hour to pass without me thinking of her, and half of my energy is expended worrying whether everything will work out. I want so badly for her dream to come true—even more badly than I want to have her back in my bed.
By the time Friday comes, I need to see her, to reassure myself she’s in good health and not holed up in her living room in a state of constant anxiety. During my lunch break, I shut myself in the office and call her.
“Hi, Seth,” she answers, a smile in her voice. “Everything is all right. I’m at work, supervising the children while they eat, and both my mental and physical states are A-okay.”
“Have you eaten?” Even though I know she’ll be taking every precaution, it’s in my nature to worry about her.
“Of course I have.” She huffs a slight laugh. “Is that all?”
