“Sparks?” I repeat dumbly. “Uh, no.” Except yes, she probably did, because they’ve been flying all day. Ever since he re-entered my life, if I’m being honest.
Jessica stares at me in a way that’s enough to make me believe she can see into my soul. “I hope you’re being careful not to put yourself in a position where you’ll end up getting hurt.”
“I am,” I assure her. “Trust me. Seth and I have great chemistry, but in the end, there was a reason it didn’t work out. I was too dependent on him for my happiness, and he didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it. Or with his grief, I suspect.” I always assumed that the death of our unborn baby affected me more than him, but based on what I’ve seen of him recently, I’ve begun to think he was as grief-stricken as me, but buried it deeper. Neither of us took a healthy approach to managing our loss.
“It can be easy to forget the parts that didn’t work when reminiscing over better times.” Jessica sits on the end of the sofa beside Paige’s feet. “Be careful, is all I’m saying. You’ve got one of the kindest hearts I know, and I don’t want to see it injured.”
“I will be,” I assure her, although honestly, I’m less certain of that than I’d like. Reconnecting with Seth has been intense, and several times I’ve caught him watching me in an unsettling way. It makes my nerves prickle and zap with restless energy. “Besides, he’s been wonderful through this whole process.”
“Because he’s pining for you,” Paige declares. We both stop and stare at her. She shimmies around into a seated position and shrugs. “What? It’s true. You saw it, Jess. That big hunk of man is giving off lovesick tough-guy vibes.”
“No.” I immediately deny it and wait for Jessica to do the same. When she doesn’t, I cock my head. “Right, Jess?”
“Umm.” She sips her drink to buy herself time, and dread knots in my gut. “Actually, I’m with Paige on this one. He seems to have residual feelings for you.”
The dread in my stomach intensifies, and a cold sweat breaks out on my forehead.
“That can’t be right.” If it is, it means that I’m the woman who manipulated those feelings to get what I want, and I’d rather not believe that. Is it still manipulation if you don’t realize you’re doing it? “He didn’t even fight the divorce. I mean, he argued at first. Seemed shocked. Told me I was overreacting and that he could fix things, but when I stood my ground, he just let it go. I figured that once he got over the blow to his pride, he was relieved he didn’t have to deal with me anymore.”
Eyes downcast, I nibble my lip, recalling how low I was at that time in my life. Initially, Seth tried to help, but nothing he did could shake me out of my funk, and eventually he gave up and started hiding away at the gym. When he seemed to throw in the towel, I figured our separation was best for everyone.
“Well, I don’t know about that,” Paige says. “But the man I just saw has it bad for you.”
“Damn.” Maybe I should have left Seth alone and never have brought him into this. I’ve been so worried about making sure he doesn’t hurt me that I overlooked the potential for the reverse to occur. “Do you think I made a mistake?”
Jessica raises a brow. “If so, you’re realizing it a bit late. You might already be pregnant.”
She makes a good point, and wrong or not, I can’t bring myself to regret my choices. I do want Seth to be the father of my child, and spending time with him has been nice. It seems like we’ve both worked through some of our issues and we’ve come out stronger for it.
“We’ll be fine,” I decide out loud.
“If you say so, babe.”
Seth
When I leave Ashlin’s place, I head to Devon’s apartment rather than going home because I need to talk to Harley and she spends most of her time there. I pause in the corridor outside and knock. Things have been pretty good between us for the past few weeks, but it’s still strange to think that they’re in love with each other. For as long as I’ve known him, Devon has been a player. Not in a bad way—women always knew what they were getting into with him—but he was never a one-woman man. These days, he dotes on my baby sister. I don’t doubt they’re happy, but I can’t help worrying he’s going to break her heart one day. Harley may be able to show most men a thing or two about using their fists, but she’s surprisingly sensitive.
Devon opens the door, and breaks into a grin, flashing white teeth against dark skin. “Hey, man. Long time, no see.”
“It was this morning,” I point out, but he just grins more broadly. “I need to talk to Harley.”
He pretends to pout. “You mean you’re not here to see more of me?”
I roll my eyes. “As if you need the ego boost.”
He jerks his head toward the inside of the apartment and steps back to let me in. “I swear, now that Harley is here, you visit far more than you used to. What’s that say about our friendship?”
I don’t answer, because I’m too busy sniffing the air. Harley makes amazing curry, and the downside of her relationship with Devon is that he gets the benefit of her cooking skills while I’m left to fend for myself. I follow my nose to the kitchen.
“Smells good.”
She stirs something in a frying pan, then spins around. “You left the gym early today.”
I nod. “That’s what I’m here about.”
“Oh.” She arches a brow. “Is everything okay?”
“I’ve gotta tell you something. Don’t freak out.”
