She blows out a puff of air, considering the question. “I never have before. I’m pretty much a cynic when it comes to most things.”
Raising my glass, I tip it toward her. “I’ll win over your cynical heart yet.”
“You can try, Green.” She nods, and it’s the closest thing to approval I’ve had from her all night. “You can try.”
ChapterThirteen
Harley
Against my better judgment, I’m beginning tolikeDevon Green. He’s a far better listener than I would have given him credit for, and he went to the effort of preparing a delicious dinner that’s going cold on my plate. I shove my fork into the potato and take a mouthful.
“I’m sorry I distracted us,” I say after I’ve swallowed. “It’s really good. Is this the roast your mom taught you to make?”
He nods, and follows my cue, digging into his own meal. “Yeah. She firmly believes that men need to be able to make a decent roast. If not, we might stay single for our whole miserable lives.” He pauses, humor quirking his mouth, and adds, “She thinks you’re a miracle because I’ve been single for so long.”
My heart pitter-patters. “You told her about me?”
“Of course.” Lifting his God-awful sparkling water to his mouth, he drinks before continuing. “My career choice is a constant disappointment and she’s always complained that I never bring girls home and don’t seem serious about settling down, so I mentioned that I’d met a woman who’d changed my perspective.”
“No way.” Searching for signs of duplicity in his expression, I find none. “I can’t believe you did that!”
He pauses. “Does it bother you?”
Does it?
To be honest, knowing that I’m out of the ordinary for him makes me feel special. I shouldn’t like it, but I do. A week ago, I probably wouldn’t even have believed him.
“No,” I admit, opting to carry on my streak of honesty. I’m not good at being vulnerable, but he’s putting himself out there for me and I want to do the same in return. “I like knowing what’s going on in your head. I didn’t have that with Thaklaew, and I know it’s hypocritical of me considering we’re keeping whatever this is”—I gesture between us—“a secret for now, but your openness is really attractive.”
He grins, pleasure dancing in his dark eyes. “Did you just call me sexy?”
“Your attitude is sexy,” I correct. “But yeah, the rest of you is all right, too.”
“Damn straight.”
He looks so smug I’m tempted to take it back, but it’s the truth. He’s allowed to be a little self-satisfied. I eat the last of my vegetables and set my cutlery down.
“What do you want out of life?” I ask. “More than anything.”
He cocks his head, appearing surprised by the question. “I want to enjoy myself. To reallylive.”
“That’s it?” I ask. “No grand plans or ambition for world domination?”
“No.” His answer is simple and sure. He’s given this some thought. “If, in living my fullest life, I happen to achieve greatness, that’s a bonus, but it isn’t the aim. What’s the point of life if not to do what we love and follow our hearts?” His smile becomes softer. “That’s why I went after you even though I never thought I’d find love at this stage in my life. When the right thing comes along, we instinctively recognize it, and I happen to believe my heart is a lot smarter than my brain. That’s also why I do MMA, even though it’s not the cookie cutter career my parents would like me to have. My heart steered me down the right path. I belong in the cage.”
“Wow,” I breathe, impressed. What would it be like to have that level of confidence in yourself?
“What about you, Harls? What do you want more than anything?”
My first instinct is to shrug, but I manage not to. I don’t want to be glib when he gave me a genuine answer. “Honestly, I’m still figuring that out. I want to be involved in muay thai in some shape or form, but except for that, I don’t know where I’m going. I’m taking every day as it comes and hoping things work out in the long run. But I do know,” I add, psyching myself up for a confession, “that I don’t want to be alone. I’m not sure who I want to be with, or in what sort of capacity, but I don’t want a lonely life.”
He scoots around the table and takes my chin between two of his fingers. “You won’t be alone. Whether you find what you’re looking for with me or someone else, or even if you grow old with Seth, you’ll have someone.”
Scoffing, I avert my eyes. It’s difficult to be vulnerable with him when this discovery is new even to myself. “Nobody can know that for sure.”
“I do,” he says, tapping his chest. “I feel it in here.”
I laugh, but his face is serious. I wriggle in my chair, growing restless. The intensity of the conversation has been too high for too long and we need to take it down a notch. There’s only so much openness I can handle while my emotional wounds are still in the process of healing.
