But now?
It’s like they were washed away in the current, scrubbed from existence—and I only have myself to blame.
While I know I need to take a step back from her, and everything we’re doing, I just don’t want to.
I’ve never had an issue knowing a girl I was sleeping with could be doing the same with other people. But with Jenna…It’s just not what I want. I didn’t want it when the lines were clear, and I sure as shit don’t want her seeing anyone else now. I won’t be kissing or even touching another woman unless my job requires me too.
Even then, Jude relies mostly on angles, so while it mightlooklike a kiss on screen, our lips have never even come close.
But this is where shit is getting confusing, because while I didn’t want to share her; we’re friends, and nothing more. Giventhe amount of times both of us have said that seven letter word, it still sounds completely wrong.
Forced, even.
Friendship with women has always been a foreign concept to me. It’s not that I’ve avoided it, it’s that women only saw me for one thing.
A good time.
None of my previous relationships lasted longer than a month or two. I got bored quickly, and all they wanted to do was talk about the future. It’s just the person I was, and the person I think I still could be.
Jenna doesn’t need to get caught in the crossfire, and I try to remind myself of it constantly whenever my mind attempts to picture whatourfuture could look like.
Because if anyone was to get hurt at the end of all of this, it would be her.
I used to hope she and I would remain on the same page until the very end, and we’d go our separate ways. But the words written in our story seem to have a mind of their own, blending together so easily, and I don’t want to run out of pages.
God, this shit is hard.
I thought I was in the clear—I thought I had nothing to worry about.
Then I spent the night and day at her place, helping her deal with the effects of her mom’s behavior.
When she helped me out with my lines, it didn’t feel like I was reading words off a script. It felt like I was talking toher, waiting to hear thatJennawanted me in the way I’d hoped she did.
That’s when I was sure the switch had flipped for the both of us. I could see it in her soft blue eyes as she watched me, but I chose to ignore it.
Instead, I rushed out the door, putting it behind me, and forced myself to focus on my career—the reason I was even in this small town to begin with.
I’ve been hauled up in my apartment with Tate all afternoon, hearing his phone receive call after call and text after text, while he blows smoke up my ass to every single person he speaks to. The interview with Mara hasn’t even aired yet, and it’s already chaotic.
“Oh, you need a man to play the part of a vampire hunter? Cole is your guy,” he’d told someone. “You want him to play a serial killer? He could do that in his sleep,” he’d told someone else. “You want him to be a single dad? Easy.”
Meanwhile, I sat with my face buried in my hands with no means to escape.
Two months ago, I was a bartender, scrounging for coins, living in an apartment that was literally falling apart. Now I’m listening to my brother negotiating contracts aboutmycareer, hearing him talk figures I would never even thought were a possibility in this lifetime.
“You have a busy three years planned out,” Tate tells me with an exhausted sigh, finally throwing himself down onto the couch beside me.
“Just like that? No need to audition? They don’t want to meet with me?” I turn to face him, eyeing off his tired expression. “It can’t be that easy. I want to work for the jobs I get, not have them just handed to me.”
“I’m good at my job, Cole.” He unlocks his phone, and I watch over his shoulder as he constantly refreshes his emails.
“I don’t think they would’ve sent any contracts through that quickly,” I tease, lightening the mood, and I hear his phone locking again as he rests his back on the cushions. “Three years, though? That’s a lot of work,” I say.
He’s pushed the both of us to get to where we are now, but I don’t want to burn out.
“You’ll have a few months off in between,” he assures me. “But you can no longer live in that shit hole you call a home. So first thing’s first,” he says, phone still in hand as he opens a page that was already loaded—a property listing. “You and I are heading back to California tonight so you can view this apartment. You can afford it now.” He laughs, gripping my shoulder tight.
“The penthouse?” My eyes practically bulge out of my head as I flick through the images on the screen.Tonight?I want to question him, but I don’t. He doesn’t need to know that leaving Jenna alone might make her spiral, and I’m the only one who can provide her with the comfort she might need, seeing as her best friend is still away on her honeymoon.
