I don’t feel anything.
I expected my heart to race so fast that I could feel it in my ears.
I expected to be so nervous that it would cause me to shiver, but nope.
None of that.
I’m breathing steadily, albeit a little anxious, but more anxious about the potential confrontation and what Austin is capable of. The Austin I once knew wouldn’t hurt me. Wouldn’t hurt anyone. Or so I thought, anyway. But the last time I saw him, he was unhinged.
Drunk and angry.
I don’t know what to expect going into this. I just know I’m the reason we’re here. I’m the one with the questions and unfortunately for me, Austin is the only one with the answers.
I just hope he’s not a coward and gives them to me.
His back is toward me as he looks out over the busy streets below, with his arms resting on the concrete ledge in front of him, still in his maroon suit from work.
"I miss it here," he says without turning to face me. My feet guide me to the vacant spot next to him.
"Me too." I take a deep breath, and stand with my arms crossed over my chest, taking in the view.
California winters aren’t cold compared to Grangewood Creek, but the breeze tonight is especially icy. Still, the beach ahead of us is crowded, like it always is.
While I don’t long for the memories attached to this place, I miss the view and being able to come up here when I needto escape from reality. But these days, I don’t need or want an escape from the reality I’m living.
Slowly turning to face me, he searches my eyes that I hadn’t realized were filled with tears, as one rolls down my cheek. "What’s this all about?" he asks, and I force myself to look away.
I can feel him searching the side of my face for answers, but aside from the tears, my expression is blank. While his words are laced with confusion, his voice is softer than I expected, letting out a deep, shaky breath.
"I need you to be honest with me," I start. "But I have a feeling you’re not going to like what I’m going to say."
"I’ll tell you anything you want to know."
"I bumped into Alison today." The words fly out of my mouth, and I see his jaw clench, his shoulders tense. He closes his eyes, running his hands down his face.
"Cass, I’m—" he tries to talk, but I raise my hand to cut him off because it’s my turn to speak, not his.
"I’m not here for an apology or explanation, Austin," I whisper. While the old me needed one—was desperate for one—the current me realizes that I never needed one to move on. "If you didn’t cheat on me, I would have still been trying to fight for you. Forus," I admit.
Especially after my birthday party, seeing everything he did for me. I thought for sure he still loved me. And maybe he did. But even if he loved me fully and never cheated on me, I believe our relationship would have run its course, and I would have found my way back to Harley.
No matter how long it took.
"But I know now that you’re not the person I was supposed to end up with. And I think you knew it too. I think you figured it out seven years before I did." I raise a brow, watching as he pales, realizing I know about the very first time he cheated on me.
"Are you happy?"I ask before he can attempt an apology.
"I am." He doesn’t need to make eye contact with me for me to know he’s telling the truth. But given the fact that he’s telling me he’s happy, I’m going to guess that Alison hasn’t had the chance to speak to him yet.
After the way she and I left things, I don’t think he’s going to have a home or a family to go back to.
"That’s all I ever wanted for you. And for me," I say as I reach over to rest my hand on his forearm, squeezing it gently.
"Does Harley make you happy?" I can hear the anger bubbling inside him.
"Actually, Harley is the reason I’m here." His head snaps toward me, confused, anxious, and angry all in one.
"What did Alison tell you?" he asks, his hair looking more disheveled than it had when I arrived. He used to always look well put together. Smart and handsome.
