And I don’t know what I should do about it.
"I’m due on Christmas Day." Alison’s words snap me back to reality, to our conversation, and as much as I try to find any interest in the topic, I can’t, so I just smile and nod.
Christmas Day used to be my favorite day of the year.
But now, it’s tainted.
Reminding me of my failed relationship and engagement and a poor, innocent, little baby who has a sorry excuse for a father. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.
So much for not wanting to be like his father.
Seeing my phone light up on the table with Harley’s name, I apologize to Alison before standing up from the table, hesitating to answer his call.
"Hey, Herring," he says, and I canhearthe smile on his face. Usually his soft, deep voice sends shivers down my spine, but now I just feel guilty.
"Hi." I try to sound calm and confident, hoping it’s not obvious that my mind is elsewhere.
"It’s getting quiet in here, so I’ve packed up our stall." He chuckles, and now I feel even worse that I wasn’t there to help him.
"Great. That’s…great."
What is wrong with me?
I know how to communicate with Harley.
I flirt with him every single chance I get, but now I can hardly form a sentence?
"Take your time at coffee. Don’t rush back to the hotel. I know this is something you need to do, so do whatever you have to do, okay?"
He’s so good to me.
He’s good to his fucking core.
He doesn’t deserve any of this.
"Okay."
thirty-two
Cassandra
Austin chose the spotfor us to meet, and I should have known it would be here.
Atourspot.
The rooftop of our old apartment building, where we would come after a long day to wind down. If one of us were stressed, we always knew where to look, with a bottle of wine and a block of chocolate in hand.
Our relationship was just so…easy. It was all I knew for so long. I didn’t know how to be anyone or anything other than Austin’s girlfriend, and somewhere along the way, I lost myself and believed that Austin’s girlfriend was all I was.
My entire identity.
The last few months have been a breath of fresh air for me. I got to figure out who I am and who I want to be in this life. Being back home, surrounded by my family and old friends, showed me how much more I deserved than a man who gave me less than the bare minimum.
To never settle.
Opening the heavy door, I expect to be left completely breathless just by looking at the man in front of me. For all the feelings I once felt to come rushing back.
But they don’t.
