For a second, panic rushed through me.I wasn’t budgeting on paying for a London hotel.Back in my former job, I knew only too well just how expensive they could be.Even the cheap ones.Part of me wondered whether I could rest up on a bench at Waterloo.The laugh that escaped my lips was half incredulous, half resigned to my fate, and I couldn’t help the self-deprecating words.“Brilliant.First gay bar, first missed train.I’m really nailing this initiation thing.”
We walked side by side with no real destination in mind, our bodies so close that our fingertips brushed together, causing a rush of tingles to race down my spine.Distracting me from the thought of spending the night on a bench.
Around us, the city hummed.My nerves buzzed, but Ashton’s presence calmed me as much as it excited me.At a quiet corner, beneath a lone streetlight, Ashton stopped.
The glow caught in his hair softened his features.Turning, I looked at him, trying not to notice just how kissable his lips looked.With his rain-wet eyelashes, making his eyes shiny, and breeze-ruffled hair.My fingers twitched with the urge to touch it.He really was breath-taking.
“You did good tonight.You let yourself breathe.”
For once I didn’t ponder or censor my words.Instead, I clamped down my rising fear and spoke from the heart, my voice soft and low.Not wanting to shatter the stillness that had settled between us.“With you, it felt...natural.”
The pause stretched, charged.My heart hammered against my chest.
Almost in slow motion, I watched Ashton lean closer, not rushing, just offering.Closing the gap, I touched my mouth to his, our lips brushing — tentative, then surer, the kiss tasting of prosecco and promise.
When we broke apart, my breath caught.The reality of the moment hit me.That was my first proper kiss, not just with a man.But with anyone.
“I don’t want this night to end.”
Ashton touched his forehead to mine; his touch felt like a promise.“Then don’t.Come back with me.My flat’s not far; you’re welcome to kip on the sofa.No pressure for anything more if you don’t want to.We’ll figure out trains in the morning.”
My hesitation only lasted a heartbeat before I nodded.The decision felt less like surrender and more like freedom.
ASHTON
Was I coming on toostrong?During the entire ride on the underground, I tried not to second-guess myself.Robbie was a baby gay, barely out of the nest, and here was me asking him to fly.The bubble of excitement I felt early was making my belly ache as nerves caught up with me.Hands sweaty and my pulse racing.I didn’t want to scare him, but I also didn’t want to give up the possibility that this could be the start of something wonderful.Something real.
My jittery hands made unlocking my apartment door harder.As the door opened, I had a slight panic that I’d left a mess behind.Not just leaving the odd plate in the sink, or a few bits of laundry thrown over the floor.No, it would be more of a personal nature.Involving far too much lube.Just the thought of what I’d imagined while working myself over was enough to make a sailor blush.The man I imagined doing that with was standing right next to me.Completely oblivious of just how deep my interest in him ran.
If you were to look up the definition of a fanboy, then my face would be there under the heading of ‘hopelessly infatuated’.
When I was messaging with Rick, I was intrigued by his son.
When Robbie messaged me the other week, it awakened the part of me I’d kept sealed off from the harshness of the world.
I was more than aware that I’d been treading water, not going anywhere with my life.Burying my insecurity and lack of career satisfaction with sex.On an introspective level, I understood it.I just couldn’t seem to stop.Or really do anything about it.
That was another lie I told myself.
Sometimes I scan job listings for art docent or museum curator openings.In a city so full of culture, those jobs were scarce.
What did Robbie see when he looked at me?Did he see me as just a cam boy?
Or did he see past all of that?Seemed like he did.
I hoped he had.
I really, like, like him.He’s just so sweet and so handsome; when we kissed, it was-everything I hoped it would be.
Now he’s here with me in my space, and my heart was in my mouth.
“Do you live alone?”
I was so lost in my head that I almost missed his question.
“Yeah, I live alone, although my buddy Gavin is here so often it feels like he lives here.”
I looked around the room, wondering what Robbie noticed first.Was it the décor or my oversized leather couch, the one that took up half the room?
