“You’re the most important thing to me too,” I admit in a shaken breath. “But I, I can’t believe you’ve made such a sacrifice for us when we haven’t even—” I cut myself off and swallow the words down, already feeling a burning flush tint my cheeks pink.
“When we haven’t even?” Matteo repeats, looking down at me.
“You know,” I reply shyly, blushing even harder. My whole face feels warm.
“Ah,” he hums, a smile playing on his lips. “That.”
“Yes,that,” I agree bravely. “We haven’t been…intimate at all, and you’ve just made this incredible andpermanentgesture for me.”
“We’ve been intimate,” Matteo disagrees. “We’ve kissed, and touched, and we’ve fallen in love. The other stuff can wait, as long as you need. Fuck, Anya. You could never want to go further than we have and I’d be okay with that. I could live without sexual contact of any kind if it meant I could keep you.You’rewhat I need. Just you, baby.”
My heart flutters and it feels as if my blood is singing in my veins. He always knows exactly what to say and then goes even a step further.
“I want to talk about it,” I admit in a whisper. “Sex.”
“Okay,” Matteo agrees, seeming cautious. “What about it, love?”
“You’ve done it before, I won’t bother asking if you have,” I start, feeling a little ill at the thought of anyone touching Matteo, even years in the past. “But, it’s meant to be nice, isn’t it? I’ve really strayed away from looking into it, but Tiffany has assured me that it’s nothing like what happened to me. There isn’t supposed to be pain, but pleasure instead.”
“That’s right.” He swallows, and nods. “Sex doesn’t only have to be one thing, either. It can be slow or fast, it can be with hands and mouths instead of the full thing. It also doesn’t need to happen until you want it.Ifyou want it. I mean it, Anya. I’m not in any rush. I’m grateful enough just to call you mine. I don’t need more.”
Licking my lips, I confess, “I think I want more. I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. I never used to wonder about it at all, but when I’m with you, I feel warm and fuzzy inside and I don’t want it to stop. I want to explore it.Slowly, but I don’t want to wait any longer. Not after you’ve just given me the best possible news.”
He’s just told me that he’s given up his family ties to be with me. He’s allowed himself to be branded as a Morozov man, and he did it by putting his body on the line to prove himself to my father. How could I not want to jump into his arms, hoping to never be put down, after hearing that?
Matteo’s eyes seem to darken and his throat bobs with a hard swallow. “Are you sure?”
“Y-yes,” I stutter. “I’ll always be nervous. Whether we start now or in a year or in ten. There’s always going to be a part of methat’s scared, but I feel safe with you. I love you so much, and I want you to show me what pleasure is supposed to be like. I want to associate my body with a good feeling for once in my life.”
“Anya,” he whispers, cupping my face. “I’ll give you whatever you want, but you need to tell me when anything is too much, okay? And we’re starting slow, I mean, junior high slow,meraviglia.”
“I trust you,” I vow, lifting up to my tippy toes to bring our lips together. I move lightly, trying not to irritate his sore lip, but he isn’t afraid of pulling me closer.
Matteo groans and kisses me deeper, wrapping his hands around my waist as he does.
“You want me to make you feel good, Anya?”
“Yesss,” I say, dragging the word out as he leans down to press an open-mouthed kiss to the side of my neck. A scattering of goose flesh breaks out under his lips and a shiver runs down my spine. He kisses me there again, his tongue sweeping over the delicate skin near my throat.
“You’re making the sweetest little noises for me,” he praises in a rough whisper. “And I’ve barely touched you, baby. Imagine how pretty you’ll sound when I make you come for the first time.”
My breath catches and he hums, kissing closer to my collarbones now. “Too much?”
“N-no,” I deny, shaking my head slightly. “I liked it.”
“That’s good,” Matteo tells me, his hands shifting up and under my shirt to play with the bare skin of my stomach. “Do you want me to lock this door and make you feel even better, hmm?”
God yes.
“Please.”
No sooner than the word leaving my mouth does he shut my door and flick the lock into place. I haven’t asked if he spotted my father in the house when he came in, but at the moment, Idon’t care if he’s around. He won’t barge in on us, not when he’s all but given us permission to share our lives together.
“Can I keep my clothes on?” I ask nervously, my hands feeling clammy. “I don’t want to think about you seeing my scars for the first time just yet. I want to feel beautiful.”
Matteo makes me squeak as he swoops down and kisses me, grabbing my hips and picking me up off the ground. My feet dangle about the floor, my slippers falling off as he walks me backward toward the bed.
“That’s how beautiful you are, Anya.” He brushes his nose against mine softly. “Of course you can keep your clothes on. I don’t need to take a single layer off you to show you what ecstasy feels like. But just so we’re clear, I can’t wait to see every inch of you that you want to show me. Scars aren’t going to make you any less gorgeous to me. I’ll kiss every single one of them if you let me.”
