‘Xander –’
‘What?’ Xander snapped. ‘It’s not going to happen? Is that what you’re going to say? Let me guess, you’re absolutely fine and there’s no way you would consider doing what Uncle Cam did.’
Nathan didn’t reply.
‘Because everyone thought Cam was fine,’ Xander went on. ‘Okay, maybe not completely fine, these past couple of weeks. But way better than you.’
Nathan had never seen his son like this and it scared him a little.
‘No-one ever says you’re fine, Dad. When I come to visit, or talk to Grandma on the phone. No-one ever says you’re doing well.’
Nathan was quiet.
‘Harry said you got rid of your gun licence.’
‘For Christ’s sake. Harry should mind his own business.’
‘Are you going to get it back?’
‘Yeah, I can do, seeing as it’s causing everyone so much concern.’ Nathan tried to make his voice light. ‘I thought you’d be happy, anyway. You’re always off marching in those bloody rallies.’
‘You don’t trust yourself around them. Why would that make me happy?’ Xander sounded suddenly exhausted.
‘That’s not the reason, mate.’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘No.’ Nathan looked over. ‘No.I mean, there’s a whole rifle cabinet here, isn’t there? I don’t have any problem with that.’
‘You’re not all alone here.’
Nathan made himself breathe in and out, deep and long, until he felt a little calmer. ‘Listen. I’m sorry. It’s not your job to worry –’
‘Don’t be sorry,’ Xander cut in. ‘Do something about it. Move away. Somewhere where there are other people. Make a fresh start. Maybe Mum could lend you some money. I know she left you but –’
‘The split was mutual, thanks, mate.’
‘– but she’s a lot happier since she’s been with Martin. I bet they’d help if I asked –’
‘Don’t ask. I mean it, Xander. Do not ask your mum.’
‘Jesus, Dad, thenyouhave to do something. Are you listening?’ Xander ran a hand through his hair. ‘I’m afraid, all right? That the property, and all this –’ he gestured at the void outside the window, ‘– all this bloodyoutback– is going to get to you, like it did to Uncle Cam.’
The silence between them was almost louder than the thrum of the engine. Nathan hadn’t realised it was possible to feel worse about his situation. ‘You don’t need to be scared. What can I do to make you feel better?’
‘You can turn your own radio on, for starters.’
‘Okay. Easy.’
‘And use it once in a while. Let people know you’re alive.’
‘I already do that. I have that system.’ A year ago, after Nathan had been flooded and unreachable by phone for two weeks, Harry had driven over and presented him with a simple GPS satellite tracker.
‘I’ve been sent to give you this,’ he said. ‘You press this button for okay; this button for not okay. It sends a signal to Burley Downs. Press it every night, Nathan, no excuses.’ So Nathan did.
‘You should get another dog as well,’ Xander said.
‘I don’t want another one.’
