Making our way back to our rooms, Thylas stands behind me. His breathing and footfalls are the only sounds between us. He walks in, shutting the door, the subtle click echoes through the room. I turn as he runs his hand through his hair, defeat in histone. “Nohæ,I would like to apologize for what happened today. I didn't mean for you to see that, I didn’t even want it to happen, nor did I mean to ignore my responsibilities as your guard. It won't happen again.”
“That's the line you are going to go with right now? As you've reminded me, I'm not your woman. I am not the one who will hold your shell on my sternum, and I don't care who warms your bed. The moments we've shared recently have been nothing but curiosity and maybe even a bit of fear of what's to come.” I try to take a step back, wanting to get away from his heat, but my feet feel as if they are stuck in the floor. The words I spoke, I know they are lies. I want nothing more than to be everything we can't be, but I won't let him see the weakness or the tears take over me.
His hands flex at his side, but when his eyes meet mine, I can barely breathe. His gem-colored eyes brim with a sorrow he rarely shows. “I am sorry. I am sorry for today, but don't pretend what's happened the past few moons has been nothing.”
I put my hand up and shake my head. Anger fuels my voice as it gets louder, “Stop, Thylas. Just stop. Don't do this. Don't make things more complicated than they already are. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm to marry someone I barely know. Just go back to being the silent one who stayed broody and mad. Go back to being the guard who only saw his honor and oaths. I don't have time for this.”
He takes a step toward me, practically begging, “Give me just tonight. I have to explain myself, I can't let this be the reason you can't look at me.”
Music and laughter from the kingdom below filter through the window as a breeze sweeps through the room. A place of freedom and merriment; what a stark contrast to how I’m currently feeling. Shadows from the torches dance and cast darkness across Thylas' features. His emerald eyes look as if theyare glowing and the heat from his body sweeps around me. My skin is already sweating, and this dress is suffocating. I need to get him out of this room.
“Say what needs to be said, so we can get on with everything.”
“I ignored you, or at least I tried to. Since the night of the whipping. I stayed with you. Do you remember? I stayed with you when your mother died. I went against my king, and in his rage, he beat me for it. I realized then that I would do anything for you and it was a weakness for us both. I didn't want either of us to have to deal with the consequences. I knew you would eventually be married, and become our queen and what would I be? Your guard, or a childhood crush, quickly forgotten? I figured it was easier to walk away.” He sighs and takes a step toward me. My traitorous legs, still refusing to move away from him. “But tonight and nights before, thinking of Ereon and you, watching him want you as he did throughout dinner tonight, it’s eating me alive. It's getting harder to ignore. But even these past few years, everything I have done has been to protect you. I've only ever wanted to protect you, and that's what I have to do now.”
Tears I can no longer hold back stream down my face. This infuriating man, proclaiming something close to love, yet knowing we can never be. “You speak as if you are a jealous man and only became interested in me once Ereon arrived. Never once did you try something before he arrived to collect his prize at the palace door.” He grabs my wrist, pulling me toward him. Our faces are inches from each other, and his breath tickles my skin. “Would it have been better to have come to you, just to have you ripped from my arms when your betrothed showed up? I thought the night of the festival if I tasted you just once, I could get it out of my system, stop wanting you.”
He closes the gap between us, pulling me into him by the back of my neck, and inhales deeply.
“But you are the tug the ocean feels toward the moon. Regardless of what phase of life you are in, I want to follow you. I want to let you go, but I want more. I know I can't have you … but maybe just one more time ...”
His full lips caress mine deeply, his tongue pressing against my lips asking for permission to enter, I give it easily without thought. His hands roughly wrap around my hair. The smell of sage and sandalwood swallows me as his kiss takes my breath away.
The pommel of his sword digs into my hip, but I don't move. I'm too caught up in this world. The one we are creating right now, this is the only thing I can focus on. His hand releases my hair and slides down my sides as he slides to his knees. His mouth trails down my body, between my breasts, across the fabric of my abdomen and then he looks up at me, his eyes burning with desire. His hands leave my skin just to remove his sheath and scabbard, the metal weapons clinging to the ground.
“A am rehi kæ a telæ,”he exhales the old language before looking at me, his hands softly cupping my face. “I am forever yours, my queen.” His hands trail to my legs, slowly running underneath my dress and up my calves as he grabs under my knees and lifts himself up, wrapping my legs around his waist.
My skin is flush and my heart feels like it will beat out of my chest. This isn't right, I should be angry. I should be upset. I should be a lot of things, but right now all I can think about is Thylas and my body curled around him as he walks us toward the bed. He lays me down gently, the pressure of his body on top of mine, the evidence of his desire pressed against me. He kisses the side of my neck and the three freckles that lie there, fireworks spreading through me as he does.
My dress has slid up revealing my thigh and his hand lingers there, watching me as it trails upwards. “Just say the word, andI'll stop,” he mumbles before sliding his hand under my dress. I don't stop him, I don't even think of stopping him.
His hand lingers near my undergarments, unlike most Antalians I never did give my maidenhood to anyone. I never wanted to be with anyone. Have I kissed? Certainly, but this is beyond anything I've let anyone else do. He kisses my neck gently, before nipping it slightly with his teeth. I close my eyes enjoying the feel as his fingers dance up and down the thin fabric, and a growl rumbles through him as his fingers play a song against my skin.
He bites my neck rougher, leaving marks where he does and I want him to claim me, to show the world who has taken my maidenhood. He pushes the thin fabric to the side, our hearts racing against each other, pounding so forcefully it's like they want to touch. He teases my clit, and I grab the sheets, twisting the silk between my fingers.
Pushing a finger inside me gently, a moan catches in my throat and I arch my back wanting more, wanting him. Looking down at me, his green eyes search mine for any sign of discomfort or regret. He will find none. His finger slowly starts to gain rhythm and I find myself moving with him.
“'Baby girl, you are perfect.” His breath tickles against my throat as he raises up, making sure he can see all my reactions. He adds another finger, stretching me even more. My hands reach up, grasping at his back. I put my hand under his shirt that has ridden up and feel the marked skin there, leaving my own marks as pleasure takes over me.
His breath catches as he feels the tightness and then he pumps quicker into me. My body shakes beneath his touch. The pleasure takes over my entire being and stars dance in my sight. A loud moan I can't control erupts from my lips, but he catches it with his mouth before biting my bottom lip and withdrawing. Hewaits just watching me as I catch my breath, brushing the hair from my face.
“I love watching you come around my fingers.” He quickly slides his body against me, using his knees to push mine further apart, and begins to untie the laces of his leather pants. “Now to see how beautiful you are with me inside of you.” Worry takes over me at his words, Thylas has been with women before. Many women if I had to guess. What if I'm not what he wants? I won't know how to please him like those other women have.
“Thylas, stop ... I …” the panicked words leave me before I can stop them and he stops completely. I look away from his stare, embarrassment inching into the places desire had once explored.
“Did I hurt you?” his words come out as a whisper against my skin.
“No.”
He leans over me and smooths my hair, looking down at me. “Then what's wrong?”
“It's not that. I'm ...” I can't meet his eyes, so instead I stare up at the ceiling wishing the bed would swallow me whole, along with my confession. “I'm still a maiden.”
He kisses my forehead, breathing deeply and taking in the scent of my hair. With one last kiss, he removes himself from me, and a frown crosses my face. He doesn't want me because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not like the women he has been with. They know how to pleasure a man. Surely, with a little time, I could figure it out. But we don't have the time.
“Thylas, I want this ...” I reach toward him, but he is already off the bed, fixing his rumpled clothing.
“I want this too, Naxa, but not like this. Not as a secret, not so rushed. I won't have that, because if I am the first one to claim you, I won't be able to let anyone else have you. At the end of theday, I must remember you aren't mine to have. Just add this to the rest of the mistakes I am sure to make.”
