“I have been with a man, and is that your secret to how you just let everything roll off your back?”
“Better than being stressed all the time.” She smiles and bats her eyelashes at me, before she continues, “You have not been with a man — you would have told me. I don't mean just kisses here and there, I mean actuallybeingwith a man, having one inside of you.”
My cheeks flush and this horrible heat isn't helping things. Siphonie knows that I've never technically had sex. A few hurried moments with fumbling hands and lifting of skirts, yes, but I've never truly found someone who I want to be with in that aspect, yet.
“It doesn't matter. He slept on the floor and I slept in bed.”
She leans back into the cushion of the bench again and sighs, “Mood killer. I'm ready to get to the Doorway of Aka. I've heard it's a beauty to behold. So much quicker than traveling by horse the whole way.”
I nod but don't respond. If I do, she probably won't stop talking for the rest of the trip. The whole morning has been full of her talking about this or that. Normally I enjoy her talking, it helps keep me out of my own head, but right now I'm enjoying my last few glances at my kingdom.
I saw Ereon this morning. He winked at me but didn't approach, appearing to be in conversation with someone in his guard. The man had a horrible scar across his face. Ereon looked happy though. He normally looks so serious, but he seems excited about going home. I've often thought about our moment on the beach. The way he looked, the way he spoke. It wasn'tuntil then that I had ever thought, maybe I wasn't his first choice either.
Will we be walking into Shaston, a woman waiting for him? Will she know about me? What if he continues to see her even after our wedding, what of the children that could come from such a union? Stop. I can't do this to myself. Those are tomorrow's problems and I'm still trying to get through today. But I’m trying to reconcile the Ereon who laughed and joked and seemed insecure, versus the one who wants punishment dealt for the slightest miscommunication.
The carriage comes to a halt and I look out the window, the Doorway of Aka just in front of us. Thylas appears beside the carriage’s window, already off his horse that follows behind him. I open the door quickly, too eager to stretch my legs and he helps me down.
“Wow.”
The Doorway of Aka isn't so much a door as a portal; it appears to be made out of a white stone with symbols etched around the round archway. The edges are covered with pink and blue flowers that seem to grow into the mountain behind. Through the archway, you can see a large tree beyond. The earth and grass are so vivid and bright, I feel the need to squint just looking at the picturesque landscape. That is Midaeliea.
“Princess,” Ereon calls, appearing beside me. I feel both Siphonie and Thylas shuffle a step toward me. Siphonie may like to pretend that looks are all she cares about, but she's still worried for me. “Isn't it beautiful?”
“It is. You've seen it before, I assume?”
He takes a step toward me, holding his arm out in a gesture for me to walk toward the portal with him. “I have, a few times on my trips to Antalis. Not that I've been to your kingdom much, as you know, but each time I see the Doorway of Aka, I can't help but be amazed.”
The symbols seem to glow a light white and I notice it's our old language, Antihana, the same language that Thylas has marked on his body.
“Do you know how to read Antihana?” I can't help but ask, maybe he can help me understand the words better.
“I don't. I would have assumed you would have learned the dead language of your ancestors.”
I shake my head in response, “No, very few are trained in it. I was not one of those few.”
As we walk toward the portal, the air around us seems to vibrate. It's like small little bees are buzzing all around us. The air is physically humming. My hands start shaking and butterflies awaken in my stomach.
“Are you okay, Your Highness?” It's Thylas from behind me. Damn him for watching me so closely.
“She's fine. Everyone's always nervous the first time they walk through the door. I've got you, Princess.” Ereon smiles down at me, but I don't miss the death glare he sends toward Thylas. I glance back as Thylas clenches his jaw. Rhenor simply pats his shoulder and grabs Siphonie's hand.
Since no one has entered yet, I'm assuming they are waiting on Ereon and me to be the first. It's strange seeing two different places at once the closer we get. I stop just steps away from the entryway and take a breath.
Ereon reaches for my hand. His calm cool hand holds mine softly, and he smiles toward me. “I've got you, Princess. The whole time.” He seems sincere and it's better than walking through on my own. He's done this before I try to tell myself, but it does nothing to ease my fear.
Putting on a brave face, I smile and straighten my shoulders and we walk through the Doorway of Aka together.
nineteen
ANARA
Ithink there was a time in my life when I was happy. I remember the smell of my mother's hair, and the lull of her voice as she sang me to sleep. I remember my father's rough hands as he worked so hard everyday. I remember the sounds of the ocean outside my room and thepitongibirds that sang high in the sky.
There are no birds here, or water for that matter. The space is small and dark and full of things that go bump in the night. Mywrist burns from the obsidian chain that's been placed around them, a way to make sure I don't escape. I couldn't even if I wanted to. My power was lost to me the moment I was thrown on this land. It felt as though something had been ripped from me.
I hear him coming down the halls and I try to catch my courage. What will the punishment be today? Assault of my body perhaps, or more beatings? It's sad that I almost hope it's the beatings. When he thrusts into me, I dream of running through our woods and the fire that didn't burn. I don't even pretend that I enjoy it anymore, not that I ever did. I certainly don't now.
He never touched me until he knew, and it's our fault we didn't hide it well enough. It's my fault for blushing, and his for glancing too long. I was supposed to be a toy, one used and abused, forgotten and replaced.
