“You sticking around?” he asks.
I lick my lips and step backward. “Nah, I’ll head back today.”
He simply nods. He gets it. He knows about the club, my show, the life I’ve created for myself, and he’s so deeply proud of me.
He grins and points at me, stepping away. “I’ve gotta get out there, but kinda scared to see my baby sister on that stage. I think I’d cause a little too much trouble for you.”
I chuckle, dropping my chin.
At least he speaks only the truth.
“I’ll see you soon,” I whisper. The smile that tilts the corner of my mouth is strained, but I hide the pain expertly.
“Love your guts, Blainey,” he says, pinching my chin, then flicking my nose with his thumb before turning around and taking off back toward the entrance.
I stand there and watch his retreating back, and when he disappears out of sight, I breathe, “I love you too, Keats. So fucking much.”
My chest falls heavy with my exhaled breath, and I close my eyes.
One single tear burns a trail down my cheek.
It didn’t take me long to realize I couldn’t do this.
Being back in Shadow Heads was too raw and seeing Laney’s closed casket had torn open the weeping wounds I had worked so hard to stitch closed.
So,I ran.
I keep my eyes on my boots as they snap twigs, crunch leaves, avoid rocks, and scale over mossy, cracked headstones.
I feel like I’m in a death race for my life.
I have to get out of here.
Now.
The wind whistles around me as I shove open the creaky gate and race toward my car. Ripping open the door, I slide right in, press down on the locks, and try to shove my key into the ignition as large tears leak from my eyes in what resemble ominous puddles. My hands are trembling violently, and when the keys fall to my feet, I just leave them there, closing my eyes and slamming the back of my skull against the headrest.
“Eyes open, little moth.”
Rope is around my neck.
I’m going to die of strangulation.
I shove two fingers beneath the hemp and scream. I scream so loud I feel the coiled flesh in my throat burn.
Oh god, it burns so bad.
What is happening to me?
There is a loud bang to my left, and I quickly snap my head toward the sound, my eyes snatching open. When I see Tyler’s face in the window, I curl both of my hands around my throat,realizing there is no physical noose around my neck.It was all just a shadow of my trauma.
I’m losing my fucking mind in front of the one person I know can save me…but also,abandon me.
The pads of my fingers seep into my throat as I clasp the canal tightly and dig my nails into my skin. I close my eyes and sob, the feral sound tearing through my entire body when Tyler bangs at the window again, his fist coming down heavier with each connection.
“Blaine, let me in, fuck.” He slaps his hand down on the glass in frustration, and I unknowingly reach out, unlocking the door.
I need him like I need air.
