It’s been almost one whole week since Matteo told me he’s in love with me.
The morning after, I got an email from my editor with the first round of edits for my book. The relief I felt was indescribable. After fighting for my life through writer’s block, producing a story my editor approved of was an amazing feeling. I’m still riding the high, back in my groove.
And it feels so good.
Thankfully, there wasn’t too much I needed to rewrite, however, it was a welcomed distraction. It was a better excuse to keep my distance from him while I try to figure out what the hell I’m doing here.
We said we wouldn’t catch feelings, yet here we are, both of us breaking that one rule.
I stare up at the ceiling, my eyes tracing invisible patterns against the white surface. Everything about the words he spoke have left me terrified. I want to trust him, God knows I do, but taking that leap of faith?
It left me paralyzed.
We’ve texted throughout the week, and he hasn’t brought it up once. There’s no pressure from him, no expectations. Just a steady calm, weathering the storm and waiting for me to turn my ship around to sail back to him.
I can’t keep holding his past against him. People change, as do circumstances. But just as quickly as someone can change, they can always revert to their old ways.
Although, the only way he can prove he won’t break my heart is if I give him a real chance to. I chew on the inside of my cheek, staring up at a small speck on the ceiling. My phone rings from where it’s sitting on my nightstand.
A heavy sigh escapes me, and my head spins as I move to sit up straight. Today has been a weird day with the way I’ve been feeling. Sometimes, I’m acutely aware of my heart beating inside my chest. Every once in a while the dizziness happens, but today it’s been coming in frequent waves.
My pulse races, the beating erratic as I take a second to catch my breath and get my bearings straight. I reach for my phone, my eyes closed against the dizzy sensation as I feel the device under my fingertips. I answer it without even looking at the screen.
“Hello?” I say breathlessly.
“Jade?” My eyes open at the sound of Ellie’s voice. “Are you okay?”
“Ellie… hey.” I say after a moment. I completely forgot we were supposed to meet up tonight. “Shit. I forgot about dinner. I think I’m okay, I’m just not feeling well today.”
“What’s going on?”
I explain to her about the way I’ve been feeling, giving her a brief overview of my symptoms. “I just saw my cardiologist last month,” I explain, inhaling deeply. “Everything looked normal.”
“Maybe you should go into the hospital, just to make sure everything’s okay.”
The hospital? It’s the last place I want to go. Unfortunately, it’s the only option since it’s Saturday and the cardiology office is closed. “I don’t know if it’s worth going,” I say slowly, chewing on my lip. Anxiety knots in my stomach.
“It’s your heart, babe.” She’s quiet for a second. “Even if it’s nothing, I think you should still get checked out.”
“I don’t know,” I say, scooting to the edge of the bed to stand up. As I change positions, the same sensation happens, a wave of dizziness and the racing of my pulse. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I’ll take you,” she says without any hesitation. “Unless you think you need an ambulance?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, shaking my head. “No, I’m not in that bad of shape.” I blow out a breath as I collect myself again. “Are you sure you don’t mind taking me?”
“Not at all. I’ll be there soon.” There’s a rustling sound in the background. “Stay on the phone with me until I get there.”
“Okay.” I sigh in relief, slowly making my way out to the living room. Ellie doesn’t keep talking, but I can hear her humming, so I know she’s still on the phone. I’ve been trying to not panic with the way my body’s been acting today, although there’s a comfort in knowing I’m not alone right now.
It’s a comfort I’ve been missing since putting distance between Matteo and myself.
I glance at the clock and grab the remote when I see it’s a half an hour until puck drop. I was never a hockey fan before, but I never really had a reason to watch in the past. This last week, I’ve had the Hillford Ice Hawks playing in the background while I’ve been working through edits on my book.
My stomach flips when I see Matteo on the ice. I should let him know what’s going on, although I don’t want to worry him for nothing. I’m only going to be safe, rather than sorry.
He doesn’t need the extra stress in the middle of the game.
It can wait until after I’m back home.
