My father doesn’t say anything at first, the silence stretching between us. “I would like to think I would,” he admits, his voice quiet. “I don’t know. I know your mother didn’t keep you from me on purpose, Matteo.”
He lets out a deep breath. “She sent me messages and they all went to the request folder. I never saw them. It’s not completely her fault. The phone numbers she found for me and the addresses—none of them were real.”
“But she knew you were in Aston, right?”
“She did,” he admits again and my stomach sinks. “A quick search on the internet told her exactly who I was and where I played.”
“And she didn’t confront you?”
“No,” he says after a moment. “Your mother and I lived two different lives at the time. You’re a professional athlete, you know how these things go. The way we met and what happened, it was so casual. She assumed it was something I did frequently, and honestly, she wasn’t far off. She was afraid and I couldn’t fault her for that.”
He clears his throat. “She made a mistake and that’s okay. We’re all human. It may have kept us apart for a few years, but we can’t do anything to change that.”
“Why didn’t she try harder?” I finally ask, feeling the weight lifting from my chest as I let go of the one thing I’ve been holding on to for years. “Why did she keep me a secret from you?”
“Bud,” he says softly, his voice tender and filled with sorrow. “You were never meant to be a secret. Things aren’t always so simple or easy.”
“Were you upset?”
“I was caught off guard by it all,” he says. “I didn’t believe her at first. But after the paternity results came back, I knew there was no way I was going another moment without being a part of your life. I could see where your mother was coming from. I won’t lie to you and say it was easy, but we got past it. I forgave her, with time, and look at what we have now.”
Silence wraps around me, the confliction compounding inside my chest. “You just trusted her without any reservation? Without any resentment?”
“I was hesitant at first, but I knew she was worth the risk. Your mother had a lot of guilt and regret and those feelings wouldn’t change anything. Together, we took a chance and now, look at what it has given us.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “We have created such a beautiful life together filled with so much love.”
I’ve been wrong about them for so long. I’ve created this scenario inside my mind of how things were between them. I questioned the validity of trust because of not knowing the truth. I never once thought of my mother’s feelings at that time in her life. All I could see was the deception, not the emotional turmoil beneath it all.
I never knew of her regret and guilt.
“I’m sorry you’ve been carrying this around for so long, Matteo. I wish you would have come to one of us sooner with these questions.”
“I was afraid to bring it up,” I admit, my voice soft. “I was afraid that maybe she never wanted us to find you.”
“I can see how you may have felt like that, but I can assure you it was never that.” He’s quiet again before he says, “I didn’t realize it had affected you this long after it happened.”
“It doesn’t, not really. It just made me question how to trust someone without any reservations,” I say, the emotion thick in my voice. “I should have asked you about it sooner.”
“It’s okay,” he says. “Trust is never an easy thing, regardless of outside forces. Taking a risk can be scary, especially because you never know what could happen.”
My chest tightens. “How do you know a risk is worth taking?”
“You don’t. You have to trust that feeling inside that tells you it’s worth it. You’ll never know for sure unless you do. The rest will fall into place, however it’s meant to.”
I blow out a breath. “You say it like it’s so easy.”
“Because it is. The mind is powerful, but ultimately, you control it. You control your thoughts and what you do with them. You trust yourself on the ice, you can do the same off it too.”
“That’s different,” I argue.
“Is it though?” he questions. “Trust is such a funny thing. Sometimes, it must be built. Sometimes, it has to be earned. And sometimes, you have to take a chance and trust that the right person can hold your heart without breaking it.”
I inhale sharply as his words sink into my mind. “How do you know they’re the right person?”
“You’ll just know, bud,” he says softly and I can hear the smile in his voice. “I have a feeling you might know already.”
My heart stumbles inside my chest.
I have a feeling I might too…
