My stomach knots. What the hell is wrong with me? This isn’t good. This isn’t normal. There’s no reason why my thoughts should be consumed by her. When I’m not with her, I want to be. When I’m not talking to her, I want to hear her voice.
I signed up for a distraction, but not this kind. Not the kind that settles inside your bone marrow. Not the kind that tangles in your soul.
My phone vibrates. My heart stutters, my breath catching.
A sigh escapes me when I see it’s my dad.
Dad
Good game tonight, bud.
You looked great out there.
I drag my hand down my face. I need someone to talk me off whatever goddamn ledge I’m on.
Matteo
Are you busy? Can I call you?
Dad
Of course.
The phone rings once and he answers just as it’s about to ring a second time.
“Matteo.” His voice is gruff and something rustles in the background. “Is everything okay?”
I swallow hard, sucking in a deep breath. “I don’t even know,” I admit with a ragged exhale. “I need help.”
“What’s going on?” There’s a twinge of concern in his voice. “Are you safe? Did something happen?”
“No, Dad, I’m okay. I’m safe. I’m in bed in the hotel room.” I pause, closing my eyes as I press my palm against my forehead. “I think something is wrong with my mind and I don’t know if I should go see a therapist or what to do.”
He’s silent for a second. “What’s going on, bud?”
“You remember Jade from the charity gala?” I rub my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”
“Okay…” His voice trails off.
“I—um—I can’t stop thinking about her,” I say with a heavy sigh.
My father’s quiet for a moment. “This is what you want to see a therapist about?”
“I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head. “Is that someone who could help? This isn’t normal and I don’t know how to get it to stop.”
“Matteo.” There’s a soft chuckle that sounds through the phone. “Bud… This is normal when you develop feelings for someone.”
“I’m not supposed to have feelings for her,” I say in a rush, raking my hand through my hair as I lean back against the headboard. “We agreed this whole thing was just supposed to be friends with benefits. I don’t get involved with women like this.”
“I know you don’t want to have a relationship with anyone, but what I don’t understand is why? What are you afraid of?”
My mind circles around the words I’ve never spoken to my parents. The things I’ve kept to myself because it’s not something I could ever just casually bring up to my mother or my father.
“Fully trusting someone,” I admit, my voice barely audible. “I leave before it gets serious. Before I have to put any kind of real trust in them.”
“But why, Matteo?”
I swallow hard, the words falling from my lips before I can stop them. “Do you think you would have ever known about me if me and mom didn’t go to Aston after Aunt B died?”
