Did she find herself feeling the same way I did?
Like she just needed to come home to the one place where her soul can rest...
CHAPTER SEVEN
ELLA
“Hey little sis.”
I smile as my brother’s voice comes through the speaker of the car. I glance at Chloe in the backseat as her eyes widen. “Hey big brother.”
Chloe’s eyes light up. “Wy-Wy!”
“Hey little lady. What are you guys up to?”
“We pulled up in front of the grocery store. We need to do some food shopping.” I pause, looking at the time on the dashboard. My gaze drops down to my hands and I pick away some of the paint that didn’t wash off my fingertips earlier. “What are you doin’?”
“I just finished with rounds. I was looking at my calendar and can get off on their anniversary.” He falls silent for a moment. “I thought we could go to the cemetery together.”
The anniversary of our parent’s death. It’s coming up soon and I’ve been avoiding thinking about it. That day is always a rough one and Wyatt hasn’t been home for it since we lost them. He comes back to visit when he can, but always avoids that specific date.
I’ll never forget the day we lost them. Wyatt was home from college for the summer break before he was leaving again formed school. They went out one evening for dinner, but neither of them made it home.
Wyatt and I both struggled with our grief and handled things differently. Wyatt started drinking but I was frozen in place, unable to move forward. One night, Wyatt got so drunk, he ended up in the hospital and that’s when he knew he needed to turn his life around. He knew he needed to finish what he set out to do, which was going to school to become a doctor. He knew they would have wanted him to finish and get that degree.
So, he left.
I didn’t blame him for it. We both needed space from here, from the memories of them, but this was the only place that ever felt like home. Eventually, I returned, although Wyatt still kept his distance.
“I would really like that.”
“Okay. I have to get back to work, but I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay,” I say quietly, the heaviness weighing on my chest. We’re still a few weeks away from the day, but it has a way of suffocating me. “Love you.”
“Love you too. Love you little lady!”
“Love you, Wy!” Chloe calls from the backseat. I stare back at her as I end the call with my brother, wishing my parents were here more than ever. They would have loved her so much.
My heart cracks but I immediately shove the feelings away. I have to keep moving forward.Always moving forward.
I get out of the car and get Chloe out, setting her down on the ground before locking the car.
“Come on, Clo,” I say softly, tugging on her hand as we walk through the parking lot. I fight the urge to scoop her up and carry her inside. She’s going through the toddler stage of finding some type of independence. She hates to be carried unless she is tired. Other than that, she wants to be on her feet leading the way.
Her soft curls bounce as her little feet scurry along. A giggle escapes her as she hops up onto the curb with two feet as we reach the front of the grocery store. We step inside the building and I lead her over to where the little carts are lined up. They are bright red with little white flags on them that readShoppers in Training. Chloe loves to push them around and pack the basket full of the things we need.
I grab a bigger cart and she follows behind me as we head to the produce section. Chloe stays with me, and I keep an eye on her as I begin to work through the list I brought along. She helps me as I hand her different things to put inside her cart. As we move around the store, she tries to be sneaky, grabbing little things to slip into her cart when she thinks I’m not paying attention.
She simply smiles at me and giggles when I frown at her and pull the things we don't need from her cart to return to the shelf.
Her smile is infectious and I can’t help but return it and wink back at her. It’s so hard to try to be stern with her sometimes. She isn't disobedient, she just has a little bit of a fiery streak to her. I can’t fault her for that. I want her to grow up to be strong and fierce. I want her to know what independence is, but to know that she can always count on me. I will always be here for her, for whatever she needs, at whatever stage of life.
I fought through my own struggles to be the best example I can be for her. That doesn’t mean there aren’t nights when I go to bed thinking that I am the worst mother in the world. That also doesn’t mean there aren’t times that I wish I wasn't doing this alone. She doesn’t have a father figure and that’s okay. Chloe has never asked about hers–not yet at least. I have no idea how I am going to approach that topic when it finally comes up.
She’s going to have questions. It would only be natural. I don’t want to lie to her, but I’m afraid to one day tell her the truth. Jacob made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.
I called him three days after I left. He was mad that I walked away from our marriage and had the audacity to accuse me of cheating. He refused to believe that I left because I no longer wanted to be with him. He convinced himself that I left him for another man. That I ran back to my hometown to be with someone else.
