“Because…” Because I’ve been accidentally falling in love with Landon and now we’re entirely fucked. And there’s a smidge of a possibility I’m the dad. So yeah. Hi. Your son is gay, has threesomes, and forgets condoms. Bet you regret saying you won’t go anywhere now. You want to run as far from me as you can now. “Never mind.”
I finally break free of his hold and manage to get by him and out of the kitchen before he can grab me again. He follows me into the living room, but I turn my back to him and stand at the fireplace, like I’m cold and trying to warm up. Truth is I feel nothing. I’m numb.
“So… you’re upset Landon is going to be a dad?” he questions calmly.
“We don’t know if Landon is the dad, but, yeah, he probably is,” I say vaguely.
“We don’t know?” he repeats. My dad is much smarter than he looks. “Who else could be the dad, Grady?” He doesn’t even pause long enough for me to respond. “Could you be the dad?”
“Doubtful,” I say quickly.
“But… not impossible?”
I don’t want to answer that, so I don’t, which I know is an answer. I close my eyes when I hear his sigh. If I turn around, he’ll look at me with disappointment. He’s never looked at me with that before. I don’t turn around because I don’t want to see it. I’ll never be able to unsee it.
“So you’re…” He pauses, and I wait to hear a million different things I expect, like how I’m an idiot, a fool, making the biggest mistake of my life. But he says the one thing I could never have expected. “So you’re freaking out because you might be a father? Or is it because of Landon? Does he know you’re a potential father?”
“Yeah. He knows. No, he doesn’t care. I mean, he’s not angry at me.”
Somehow, this is the truth, at least part of it, but it’s making me feel worse telling it to him. I try to take a deep breath, but my lungs forgot how to expand. I hear Dad move. His hand hits my shoulder. “Okay, so this isn’t the end of the world.”
He gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze that fills me with guilt and anger. Because now he thinks without a shadow of a doubt, I’m straight. And that’s going to make it even harder to tell him the truth one day. And if this kid is mine… on the off chance… how do I explain their conception to them when I’m older? Yeah, so I’m gay, but I agreed to a threesome with your mom because I had a crush on her boyfriend. What a fucking clusterfuck.
I jerk away from his touch, turning to face him. “Gram and Gramps are going to fucking disown me, and probably you and Mom and Shelby for good measure.”
“My parents will be over the moon to have another grandkid,” he replies. “And to be honest, Nancy and Phil have been itching for a reason to disown your mother since she started dating me. The failed hockey goon with a den of sin.”
He cracks a small smile, but when I don’t return it, it fades from his face. “Look, Grady, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. First things first, you need to find out if the child is yours. Then, if it is, you have to decide what that means.”
“It would mean I’m going to be a dad,” I say stupidly. The words feel like a foreign language on my tongue. Like, I don’t quite know how to pronounce them.
“And have you ever thought about that moment?”
I nod. “I want kids. I’ve just kind of convinced myself I’m not a guy who will get to have them. And I mean… I never thought that if I did get to have one, it would… be now. Like this.”
He smiles again. “I wanted to start a family about two years into my NHL career. After I won the Calder trophy, but before I won the Stanley Cup. I really wanted a picture of my kid in the Cup.”
“You got that.”
“Yeah.” His smile dims a little. “I have a picture of Shelby in the Cup after Jordan won it when she was one, and another with you in it after Luc, Jordan, and Devin won it together when you were three. Not exactly what I planned, but you know what? I still fucking love those photos. And you and Shelby. No matter how or when you guys happened, I’m still glad you did. And if this kid is yours, eventually you’ll feel the same.”
I know I will. But whether I’m the father or not doesn’t matter. This baby has blown up my life as I thought I knew it. Because if it’s Landon’s, I have to walk away. I have to let him and Angie reconcile.
“You don’t look like you feel better,” he says. “Not even a little.”
“It’s just… complicated.” I finally find a way to get air into my lungs and then exhale slowly. “I appreciate that you aren’t disgusted with me, Dad. I do.”
“I’m shocked,” he admits. “I had no idea you were involved with anyone.”
“I’m not involved with Angela. It was a one-time thing.”
He nods. “I’m not going to scold you for a one-night stand. I get these things happen.”
“And now… It’s just fucked.”
“It could be worse. Landon could hate you,” Dad says. “I mean, he was with that girl a while, wasn’t he? I saw her in the profile the NHL Network did on him when he was battling cancer. She was his high school sweetheart. So the fact that he’s not murdering you for hooking up with her after they broke up is… lucky?”
Dad looks skeptical, like he’s trying to put together a puzzle with a piece missing. And before I can think of something logical and not at all incriminating, the light in the hall flickers and then comes back on. I glance through the pass-through into the kitchen and see the clock on the oven flashing. Finally!
