“It just started to feel like pressure. Like it was this fragile thing that was destined to shatter but that might just break when I didn’t want it to, you know?” I say and wrap both hands around my mug because one hand doesn’t seem like enough suddenly. The mug is getting heavy and my hands are shaky.
“I sort of understand, maybe.” Mom puts down her mug and sweeps her long chocolate hair back behind her shoulders. The silver strands, which seem to have doubled in the last year but still aren’t enough to call her salt-and-pepper, glint in the sun coming in through the window behind the couch. "I was hell-bent on losing mine from the age of fifteen. I was flirting with every guy in Silver Bay. Looking back I have to admit that I took rebelling to a new level because I was so angry at my grandmother for abandoning your aunts and me. Anyway, what made me finally do the deed was that a guy I fooled around with… he tried to do it without my consent. Luckily your Uncle Big Bird and your Uncle Luc had taught Rose, Jessie, and I had to throw a proper right hook and it was enough to stop him and get the hell out of there. But that spurred me on to find someone I wanted to do it with and do it with sooner rather than later. Take charge of my own destiny type of thing, I guess.”
I nod slowly. Why do I suddenly feel like I might burst into tears? Why is it hard to swallow? Why can’t I take a deep breath?
Mom leans forward, slowly, deliberately. Her voice is even and calm, two things it rarely is. It’s unnerving rather than soothing. “Honey, did something happen to make you want to take charge of your own destiny?”
The doorbell rings. I jump ten feet, spilling coffee on the throw rug. Mom scrambles off the couch. “I’ll clean that.”
I swear and put my mug down on the coffee table, shaking my hand because it’s been scalded by the coffee as I rush to the door. I'm not expecting anyone so I'm hesitant to open the door. I rock up on my tip toes to peek through the peephole and see Crew.
“What the heck!” I whisper as my mom rushes back into the living room with a dishtowel and cleaner she must have found under the sink.
“Who is it?” Mom asks. “Is it a serial killer? Do I have to find something to clobber someone with?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t think it’s for me. I’m just going to ignore it.”
I start to walk away from the door but Crew knocks again and then speaks. “Olivia?”
Both of Mom’s eyebrows shoot to the ceiling. And she stops scrubbing the stain. I shake my head and hold a finger up to my lips. Her mouth opens but she shuts it without a word. Then her eyes move. To the window. Our building is one of those classic two-story jobs with outdoor hallways that look onto the pool and courtyard. We have a big window next to the door that looks over the courtyard, and the open hallway runs right by it.
“The curtains are open.” I make the realization out loud. Mom nods. “He sees me.”
“He does,” Mom confirms and waves happily at Crew.
She stands up and walks over and opens the front door. Now there's nothing but the metal storm door between me and Crew, and my mom. How could this be more awkward? "Hey Mrs.… Callie. Hi Olivia.”
“Hey. What’s up, dude?” I ask like he’s a bro and we’re homies from the same frat house.
My mom’s eyebrows shoot up again. She reaches past me and opens the storm door, motioning for Crew to come in. “Please excuse Olivia’s manners. They must be on the floor with her coffee.”
Crew looks baffled but only slightly, which is a feat. I glare at my mom who smiles innocently at me.
“Olivia, I… I was hoping I could get a minute with you. Alone,” he starts and then he clears his throat. “And spoiler alert, I might need more than a minute.”
“I have company.”
“I’m your mother, not the queen of England,” Mom butts in like only a mom can do. “I’m going to go tidy the kitchen. Why don’t you two go for a walk.”
“It’s Los Angeles, Mother,” I remind her with the tone of a moody teenager. “People don’t walk.”
“We could go for a drive,” Crew suggests, shoving his hands in his pockets and gluing his eyes to the hardwood. Guess I’m not the only one acting like a moody teenager.
“Yes. Go do that. I’ll tidy." Mom grins like she's Cupid and her arrow hit someone right in the ass. I glare at her again and she shrugs then waves the coffee-stained cloth she's holding. "Have fun. Make good choices!"
"Oh my God," I hiss and roll my eyes. Crew hands me a coat off the row of hooks next to the door. It's actually Tenley's faux leather bomber, but it's cute and coincidentally goes well with the jumpsuit I have on so I just shrug into it instead of arguing.
I send one last glare at my mother from over my shoulder as Crew exits the apartment, holding the storm door open for me. She winks at me, gives me a thumbs-up, and actually mouths two words very clearly—‘Great choice!’
She knows. She knows I slept with Crew Westwood. Kill me now.
Chapter20
Liv
Idon’t know what we’re doing. I mean, he’s interested in Shelby. Why is he here? It must be because he doesn’t want me to tell anyone about what we did. Maybe he’s worried it will ruin his chances with Shelby.
We get to the sidewalk in front of the building and I stop walking. He is a few feet ahead of me and doesn’t realize I’m not behind him for another couple of feet. He turns back to find me.
