“I’ve only topped.” I pull back and work my hand harder — longer strokes, more pressure. But when I speak I do it clearly and in a strong voice because he’s being sucked into oblivion with each stroke and I want to make sure he hears what I say. “But I want your cock inside me, Declan. You’re going to fuck me. My ass is yours.”
He lets out a growl of lust fueled gibberish and grips the sides of the tub until his knuckles are white and then he snaps his hips into my hand hard and fast as he comes. I’m transfixed, watching his come splatter across his chest and be washed down the drain seconds later. As his body relaxes and his breathing evens out, I lie myself on top of him. We’re too damn big for this tub and our limbs are tangled at awkward angles, but who gives a fuck.
We’re together. Again. Nothing about this is wrong.
Only when the water starts to run cold do we bother to get up and clean up properly. I jump out first and hand him the towel on the rack before grabbing a perfectly folded one for myself off the shelf above the toilet. “Can you stay?” Declan asks, and I nod. “All night?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Aspen has Javi over tonight so I bet she doesn’t even notice I’m gone.”
He’s standing there naked, dripping on the bathmat as he rubs the towel over his hair. “You gotta tell me when the hell that became a thing.”
“I just found out about it the night of the storm,” I tell him. “I don’t know all the details and I don’t want to, but it seems to have grown from a bed buddy situation to something solid. And I’m happy for her.”
“Javi is a great guy,” Declan says without hesitation, smiling. “And he’s handled a lot in his life so if anyone can handle your sister, it’s probably him.”
I smile. He smiles. I wrap the towel around my waist and he does the same and then he pulls me into a hug, his lips ghosting the curve of my neck. “Was that just dirty talk? Because it was spectacular. I came harder than ever.”
“Nope. It’s the truth,” I reply. “Glad it was a turn-on.”
He pulls back and looks at me. “You’ve never bottomed. Not once in all these years?”
“No. I mean, to be fair there hasn’t been a lot of opportunity,” Abbott replies. “I don’t trust anyone to keep my secret so I haven’t been with a lot of people. A sort-of boyfriend in college, and four anonymous hooks ups since. All one-night stands.”
“That’s it? In all these years?”
“I gave women a shot too,” I reply and shrug. “A couple bed buddies. Not my thing.”
He’s still staring at me like I’m a puzzle with a missing piece. “Sex isn’t everything, you know? And besides, I have my own hand. And toys. I make do.”
“Toys, huh?” Declan smiles. I shove him and turn away and grab my clothes. I’m bent at the waist grabbing my jeans and shirt when I feel his hands on my hips. My whole body freezes except for my towel-clad ass. That tilts itself up, like I’m ready to go right now. I’m not. But teasing can’t hurt. He bumps his hips into my ass cheeks and lets out a soft moan. “You want me to top?”
“Yeah,” I manage to spit out. “Soon.”
He lets go of my waist and I scoop up my clothes and stand up to catch Declan in the middle of a giant yawn. I remember he mentioned pulling a double today. He must be exhausted. “When’s your next shift?”
“I’m going out on the boat with Robbie at five. Dad has the day off.”
“In the morning?” When he nods my jaw drops. “Let’s get you to bed.”
“I want to argue with you, but…” He yawns again, and I laugh. He reaches out and yanks me to him by the back of my neck, kissing me. “You’ll stay?”
“Yeah.”
We get into bed together, both naked, and it’s incredibly surreal. In all our time together, as friends and more, we’ve never actually slept together. Declan lies on his side facing me, but I tell him to turn over and he does. I big spoon him and in just a few short minutes he’s snoring softly. And then I just hold him. It’s everything but it still doesn’t feel real as I lightly drift in and out of sleep.
Am I really doing this? Finally? Will it end my career? Does it matter?
My brain swirls with questions I don’t have answers to, so when his phone alarm goes off at four forty-five, I’m awake. He turns it off and then rolls over, groaning, and looks at me. “So that was real.”
“Yeah. It was real.”
“Robbie’s going to know you spent the night. Your car is still in the lot,” Declan warns me and I feel a spike of panic. I’m not ashamed of who I am or who I love, I remind myself. It’s just muscle memory, being afraid of being found out.
I prop my head up on one arm and smile much more confidently than I feel. “Crashed at my best friend’s place…”
Declan nods and heads to his closet. I notice everything hanging perfectly, and it looks like his t-shirts have been ironed. That’s the Declan I fell in love with. I grin as he quickly throws on some clothes and runs into the bathroom to brush his teeth and smooth his bed head. I find my clothes in a heap on the floor and throw them on. When he gets back to the bedroom, he looks shocked that I’m dressed too. “You can stay. Sleep in. Leave when you want.”
“Yeah but I didn’t tell Aspen I would be out all night and she might freak if she wakes up and I’m not there and there’s no note or text or anything,” I tell him.
