I blink and look toward the locker rooms. Even though I just spent my entire morning with him, I had completely forgotten about Trevor. I yank off my hockey glove and run a hand through my sweat soaked hair. “Trev? He trains with me in the summer. He’s on a college team.”
“And shower with him?”
What?
I try to figure out what the look on his face means. “Well, like, I guess yes to the shower thing since it’s like a big communal stall in there.”
Wait a minute… is Declan…
“Is he who you practiced with?”
Jealous. Declan Hawkins is jealous. Holy shit, I am speechless and instantly turned on.
“Fuck it. Forget I asked.” He turns and tries to push by me, but I grab his arm just above the elbow. It takes all my willpower not to pull him into me and kiss him harder and longer than I kissed him under the fireworks. “I’m going home.”
“Not without me you’re not,” I growl back, and he looks at me again, finally. He looks vulnerable and maybe a little sad. Declan has always been way more serious than me. He’s also a bit of a pessimist and he puts an inordinate amount of judgement on himself even though he’s got a family that I’ve personally never heard say a single bad thing about him. If you spent five minutes in my house, you’d run out of fingers counting the amount of back handed compliments, critiques, and outright insults my parents hurl at Aspen and me.
“I’m being… I don’t know… like a total psycho,” Declan whispers, his voice pained. “I just… I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve never…”
“I know,” I cut him off. “Just let me shower, okay? And then we can talk.”
He gives me a curt nod. I take a step and then stop. I’m very worried that if I leave him out here, he’ll bolt. Our eyes lock again, and I tip my head toward the locker room. “Come with.”
“What?”
“You’ve been in locker rooms before, D.” I smile but I’m probably as nervous as he is. Something about him being nearby while I’m naked in the shower seems… not wrong but right. And it didn’t before. It just seemed normal. But not right. I am both fascinated and terrified by how scrambled my feelings are now.
“Yeah. But not with… your practice partner.” Oh shit. My easy smile evaporates as he looks so fucking jealous again I can feel my cock start to stiffen.
“I only practice on the ice with Trev. And in the weight room. For hockey and only hockey.” My voice is even and calm, which is hysterical because my hormones are absolutely rioting.
That hard glint in his eye seems to soften and I’m glad, even though it’s a turn on. Declan has always been a deep thinker - too deep if you ask me. And I think that’s why he feels things deeper than I do. Jealousy is hot to me but likely feels like a wild animal clawing at his heart and I don’t want him to feel that. I jerk my head toward the red door at the end of the row of bleachers. “Come on.”
Luckily, as I start to walk to the locker room, he follows without hesitation. I tell him to sit by my cubby where all my shit is stored and start to yank off my hockey gear, which is coated in sweat. I leave everything in a heap next to him on the bench that lines the wall. Trevor is already buck fucking naked and grabbing his towel out of his bag. “Hey,” he calls over his shoulder, but Declan doesn’t really look at him when he nods in response. “You’re Hawkins, right? The one with the twin brothers and the restaurant on the water?”
“Yeah,” Declan replies. His voice sounds off. “Trevor, right?”
“Yeah.” He smiles and wipes his face with the towel. I’m annoyed he’s naked and doesn’t seem to care. I’ve seen his junk a hundred times, but Declan hasn’t and I don’t want him to, which is fucking stupid. He runs track and has seen his entire team naked, I’m sure. Well, I mean the guys. “My little brother Tyson plays hockey with the twins.”
“Cool,” Declan says.
Trevor then walks out of the main room to the showers. I reach for my towel before taking off my underwear and wrap it around my waist. Being naked with Declan’s eyes on me will only make me hard-hard. I reach under the towel and shove off my underwear, leaving them in a heap on the floor and without a word, or looking Declan in the eye, I go to the showers.
I make sure to pick one as far from Trevor as possible and shower as fast as I can. Trevor beats me out and as I turn off the taps and reach for my towel, I hear him holler good-bye. “See ya!” I call back.
I’m drying off when Declan appears. He doesn’t speak but his big blue eyes and the warmth creeping into his cheeks says everything. I slow down, take my time sliding the towel over my damp body. He’s seen me naked before but this is a new realm. Completely different because I know how his lips feel. How he tastes. And he is looking at me like he’s never seen my body before and it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.
“So if not him, who?” Declan’s voice is rough like an unsharpened skate blade.
I wrap the towel around my waist and walk over to the white tiled half wall that divides the showers from the hallway to the locker room. He’s leaning on it, elbows stretched flat across the top, one hand on top of the other. I mimic him, resting my arms on top of his in the exact same pose. Partly because I need to touch him and this seems like the only safe option. And partly because this way I can keep him from running if he doesn’t like my answer.
“No one,” I confess so quietly I don’t know if he can hear me over the dripping shower head I just turned off. “I lied. I’ve never kissed a dude until last night.”
His whole body tenses. I can feel it in his forearms, which are under mine. “Why lie to me?”
I can’t tell if he’s angry or just shocked, so I just keep throwing truth bombs at him. “Because I didn’t know how else to make you okay with it. Make you want to try it. I’ve thought about kissing you for a while now and I’m going away to camp soon and it just became unbearable to think it might never happen.”
He blinks. He’s still tense. Still unreadable. My heart is thumping harder than it did when Trevor and I did speed drills on the ice first thing this morning. “But you date girls.”
