“You think my parents would let me do anything but?” I shoot back. My voice is cold and clipped but he knows it’s the subject matter - my parents - and not him I’m bitchy about. He nods. “And I mean, it’s not disgusting. It’s good. But it’s never felt like it did last night.”
And then he does something I never in a million years would have guessed Declan Hawkins would do right in that moment. He smiles. It’s slow, soft, and exudes this incredible energy. Like pure hormones. “Yeah. It was… you can kiss.”
“So can you,” I reply immediately. “My sister is a dipshit.”
“It was different with you,” Declan says, and he leans in a little bit and his voice gets deeper but quieter. It’s a low rumble I feel hot and heavy, first in the base of my spine and then lower. “I thought too hard about what I was doing with her. I didn’t think for a fucking second with you. I wanted it too much to think.”
He pulls his arms off the ledge. I hate the feel of them sliding away from my own. As he steps back I do too and as I readjust my towel at my waist, he walks around the wall so he’s in the shower room with me. “What was it like for you?”
I look up at his question. He’s not smiling anymore, and he looks… like he’s the one who’s naked. In front of like five hundred people or something. I know what I say next he’ll carry with him forever, like a brand on his soul. But I do know I have to be honest with him, even if lying might be the thing that makes his life — and mine — easier. “It was so good I’ll always wish I could do again.”
He’s walked all the way around me, so I’ve turned with him and now my back is against that half wall and Declan is towering in front of me in his sneakers and jeans and Lobster Shack t-shirt. He runs a hand through his blond hair, which has been bleached almost white from the summer sun, and his intense eyes level me with a stare that’s equal parts confidence and vulnerability. And he says the words that I know will change both our lives forever.
“You can kiss me as much as you want.”
4
ABBOTT
“I honestly wasn’t expectinga red carpet or a parade or anything,” I grumble to Aspen.
She laughs, right in the face of my pain, and then leans over and kisses my cheek as an apology as I park the car. “Dude, he’s had a rough year.”
“And I haven’t?” Okay now I sound like a pouty child. Even my gorgeous niece seems to realize it because I swear, she tilts her head and stares at me judgingly as I glance at her in my rearview mirror. “I mean, I get that his was tough. And it’s not a competition and I shouldn’t compare.”
“And you got through it,” Aspen replies as I turn off the car. “He’s still going through it. His whole family is. You know how relentless this town is when it comes to feeding like vultures on people’s fuck-ups.”
“Being gay isn’t a fuck-up,” I snap back a lot more quickly than I should. I know she knows that. She has been my only protector and champion for much of my life. Her smile softens as the humid wind blows a thick curl across her cheek as we get out of the car and she pulls Andie out of her baby seat in the back. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Aspen replies as we walk side-by-side toward the front door of Hawkins’ Lobster Shack. “I really should thank Deck next time I see him because he shifted the town’s focus from the fallen church girl with the mystery offspring.”
I almost smile at that, but it isn’t funny. Aspen still hasn’t told me who Andie’s dad is. It’s the only secret she has ever kept from me and it scares me. I wonder who the hell is so bad that she can’t tell me their name. Does she know his name? I wouldn’t care if it was a nameless hook-up. I’ve had my fair share of those, so I sure as hell am not judging her if she has. But without knowing, I can’t fully protect her.
“Anyway, just give Deck a little time,” Aspen tells me, adjusting the sun hat on Andie’s small head.
“Are you coming with me for moral support or to enjoy my humiliation if he disses me again?” I have to ask.
“Both,” Aspen says. “But if I’m going to help organize your day with the Cup, I should be there for this negotiation. And Mrs. Hawkins loves fawning all over Andie so she might help sway them.”
Andie smiles up at me, all pudgy adorable cheeks and bright, big eyes as if she knows what was just said. The kid might understand what we’re talking about. My niece is the smartest baby in the universe… not that I’m biased or anything. I hold the door open for them and as we all enter, the bell above it jingles.
A few people bother to look up. It’s not very busy since the lunch crowd would only be starting at a little after eleven. Finn is behind the counter and he grins. And then two guys sitting at a booth near the door do a double take over their milkshakes.
“Hey!” I call out and wave because they’re both blatantly staring. Even before the trade, random people would always say hi to me in Ocean Pines, and sometimes offer unsolicited advice on what I should do to improve my play or advance my career. I’m the first professional sports player to come out of this town so I try to just be grateful people care rather than be upset or annoyed.
“It’s so awesome you’re gonna be on our first major league hockey team!” the taller of the two boys says. “Can we get a photo?”
I nod and they slide out of the booth to run over to me. They flank me and one holds out his phone for a selfie. As he tries to figure out the best angle, they both gush some more about how cool it is and how excited they are for the Riptide and all that as I smile and nod and try to absorb their praise without the pressure. Because it reallyispressure. They have expectations and I’m not sure I can meet them. It’s part of what pulled me into the dark place last year - not meeting the expectations of the team and fans when I was playing in Boston. I figured that out thanks to a bucket load of therapy.
After a couple selfies they head back to their milkshakes and I join Aspen, who is sitting at the counter across from Finn, who is grinning.
“Hey stud, can you sign our take-out containers? I bet we could charge more for them that way,” Finn remarks like the snarky but loveable goof he’s always been.
“I’ve got something better than an autograph just for you,” I start to raise my middle finger and Finn barks out a laugh as Aspen covers my hand with her own.
“I really have two kids now,” she sighs.
I ignore her and take my hand out from under hers. “So, I was wondering if the rest of your family was here too, Finn. I have something to ask you all.”
