“Like you?”
“Like me.”
I dip my head down and capture her lips. It’s not slow or cautious. It’s hard and deep, because I’m so fucking hot for her right now, it’s unbearable. She doesn’t seem to mind the force with which I sweep into her mouth or the hard press of my lips against hers. A few minutes later I pull back and we’re both breathing heavy.
“What about you? Are you allowed to do stuff?” I ask when I catch my breath and she nods. So I let a hand slip from her neck, down over her breast and I stop and cup one firmly so she knows it’s not a mistake. I mean to touch her. “So this is allowed?”
She gasps a little as my thumb, rubs her nipple through her T-shirt and I feel it pebble. “Yeah and so is stuff like this…”
She palms my hard-on.
Holy shit.
I actually feel my knees weaken. I can’t stop staring at her face. She’s beautiful and confident, not a bit timid about what she’s just done, and I swear I get harder because of that. I push my hips out, pressing myself into her hand, and lean in to ghost the column of her neck with my lips. “It’s good to know what the rules are. So to be clear I could, in those first six weeks, put my lips here?”
I kiss the shell of her ear and gently bite her earlobe. She shivers and my hands move under the hem of her shirt. “Yes. And I can put mine here.”
She presses her mouth to my left nipple, which is at eye level for her, and when I feel her tongue circle it I grunt. We need to stop this or I am going to fuck her and I can’t fuck her. Can I?
She nips my nipple and a current of lust as strong as an electrical current shoots down my spine and into my balls. I push my hands up the soft skin of her torso, lifting her shirt with it and she lifts her arms so I can remove it completely and throw it to the ground. Her skin is perfect - alabaster with a peppering of pale freckles on her shoulders and I want to kiss each one, like the ones on her nose. But that urge is replaced by the need to put my mouth on the swell of her breasts, pushing up from her bra. So I do. She shivers again.
I pull both straps from her shoulders at the same time and bend my knees a little so when I dip my head, I have her right breast in my mouth as soon as it’s exposed from the bra that I’ve tugged down. I hear the faintest, breathiest “Oh my God.”
Her skin tastes faintly of strawberries and smells of vanilla. Her hands move to my hair, nails scraping against my scalp, creating a tingle that rushes down my spine. “Still allowed?”
“Mmm hmm,” she moans and I move to her other breast. Her hands move to my sweatpants and before I can even fathom what she’s about to do, I feel her palm, soft and warm, wrap around my bare cock. “This is allowed too. If you want.”
“You’re all I want,” I confess, my voice thick. She strokes me. I groan against her breasts, then move my hand to the front of her jeans.
She’s lost a lot of weight. The dialysis is screwing with her appetite, so the top of her jeans is stretchy and loose. I pop the button but don’t have to get the fly undone to make my way into her underwear. I feel a soft thatch of hair and then … wetness. She whimpers.
“Is this allowed after the operation… just so we’re clear?”
She nods. My middle fingers traces her slit. “Terra… is it allowed now?”
She nods.
“Look at me.”
Slowly her eyes raise. “Yes.”
I slip a finger into her and she gasps, her hand around my shaft tightening. I attack her mouth as I slide in and out of her with two fingers now, my thumb rubbing her clit. This is everything my bumbling younger self wanted to do with her for years, but was too terrified to admit. She pulls back from the kiss abruptly and I freeze. We look at each other, the weight of what we’re doing, our hands all over each other, is heavy but in a good way. “You know what we can do right now? Before the op?”
“What?”
“Have actual sex.”
“With each other?” I sound like a complete imbecile, but the idea has been so completely off limits my entire life that it feels taboo even now that she’s half naked in my arms.
“With whoever you want,” she replies softly.
“Terra…” I take my hand out of her pants. I have to tell her about Aspen, but she won’t let me speak.
Terra covers my mouth with her hand. “Look, right now I want you and you want me, right?”
I nod.
“And after tomorrow we aren’t going to be able to act on it, or anything with anyone, for six weeks so … why are we overthinking this? What if something goes wrong and we never get to act on this or anything ever again?”
