“I came back here. Very end of June for twenty-four hours for the interview,” I explain and with every word that falls from my mouth she looks sadder and sadder. “I didn’t tell anyone. I was worried it would jinx it.”
“And you decided to add in a little sex with the ex?” Terra interrupts. “That seemed more appealing to you than seeing your best friends, the family that basically took you in?”
“I accidentally ran into Aspen. Nowhere near Ocean Pines and she was getting over someone. I was … in a mood,” I swallow and heave out a loud breath. “King’s Rock was great for work, and for finding myself and figuring out what I really wanted but … what I really wanted wasn’t any of the women there.”
“It was Aspen?”
“Hell no,” I bark back. “But she was there and she wanted me and I wanted to be wanted. And we fucked. Two consenting adults using each other to get off. That’s all it was, no matter what.”
“You keep saying no matter what,” Terra notes and tilts her head in confusion. “What the hell does that mean? Is that like a ‘even if she was the last person on earth I would not date her again’ type of thing?”
“Yeah, even if she was the last person on earth, Aspen and I would never be a couple again.” My heart starts to beat faster and I pause, preparing myself for what I have to tell her next. Because I have to tell her… Aspen will kill me but… “Even if—”
“But you’d sleep with her if she was the last person on earth,” Terra interrupts and runs her hands through her hair as she starts to pace my living room again. “Because you did. You picked her for that need, even in a world full of other people. She’s your go-to for sex even after all this time. You picked her.”
“I didn’t pick her,” I argue back. “I went to find you. That night I drove to the Shack but you were kissing a dude I now know was Tom. You werewithTom. Aspen was with no one.”
I can see her try to decipher the meaning of my words, looking for some hidden message, scared to take them at face value. So I clarify. “I said King’s Rock was great for figuring stuff out. Well, you know what three years there made me realize? I want you. I wanted you for years, and I was finally in a place where I thought I had something to offer you and at a time in our lives where I didn’t live in fear of losing your brothers. So I came back, but you were taken.”
She’s this tiny little statue, in the middle of my living room. Staring ahead, eyes glued to my face, chest barely moving because she’s hardly breathing. “You wantedme?”
“Iwantyou,” I repeat. “Do you want a beer? I feel like you need one right about now.”
“Yes,” she says, and so I walk over to the dining room table and grab the open beer and hand it to her. She takes it and puts it to her lips, taking a long sip. “Well, I can’t drink alone. That’s sad.”
I take the bottle from her, slowly, letting all my fingers brush all of hers. I raise it to my lips and watch her watching me. It’s hot. It’s making me hard. I take a long slow sip and hand it back to her. “Now you’re not drinking alone.”
“Are you like a closeted nudist or something?” She asks and motions towards my naked chest with the beer bottle. “Every time I come by you’re half naked.”
“That would make me a half-nudist,” I reply and run my fingers along the waistband of the sweats I changed into when I got home. Her eyes follow my fingers as they skim the space between my belly button and the waistband with the intensity of a cat tracking a laser pointer. “You want to focus on my affinity for going topless instead of the fact I just told you I want you?”
“It’s easier,” Terra replies softly.
I cock a smile at her. “When have you ever done anything the easy way, Tink?”
She blinks and shakes her head, and takes another sip of beer, more of a gulp this time. She speaks but her eyes stay on the bottle in her hand. “I came over to clarify what Finn told you. About sex after the op. Youcanhave physical activity as soon as you want to after the operation, just not actual intercourse.”
“Really?” I heard what she said, but my brain can’t seem to process it.
“You can do stuff, just not…that,” she says and I watch her cheeks start to turn pink as her knuckles around the beer bottle go white. I reach out and slowly peel the bottle from her vice-like grip, worried she’ll accidentally break it.
“I’m confused. Can you elaborate?”
I am far from confused but she is smokin’ hot when she squirms. “You can mess around with yourself or someone else. Or both. You don’t have to be celibate is what I’m saying. You’re the king of Google, put those fingers to work and find out for yourself.”
Her breathing is shallow, I note as my eyes skim over her chest. How the hell does she look so good in a plain black T-shirt? “My fingers are good for more the Googling. In case you’re interested.”
I notice her arm. The inside of her left forearm has a few long, large swollen lumps from her forearm to her biceps, to the point where it looks visibly deformed. It’s from the dialysis, I know. She catches me staring.
“It looks worse than it feels. But this is why I usually wear long sleeves when it’s like this as you know,” she explains, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want pity.”
She pivots and takes two steps towards the hall that leads to the front door but I grab her by the shoulders. I step up right behind her, half a foot between us and lower my head so it’s hovering next to the side of hers. I squeeze her shoulders. “So let’s get back to the post-op sexual contact stuff. You’re saying, no sex for six weeks but I can… touch myself? Jerk off?”
Her breath audibly hitches. My dick feels the sound like a warm caress. She nods her head and her soft hair brushes my cheek. “Sure. Or other stuff.”
“Like what?”
I use my hands on her shoulders to gently turn her to face me. She surprises me by tipping her head up and meeting my eye. I thought she’d be too timid. “You could… kiss someone.”
