I don’t know why I’ve told Aspen about all my crushes so far in life but not him. I feel like I can’t tell anyone. It’s like if I admit it, it will grow even deeper and I don’t know how to handle that level of infatuation. Also, I’m feeling more than a little vulnerable these days since being diagnosed with this albatross known as Lupus, and I’m worried she’ll disapprove. She hates my crush on Chuck onGossip Girl. She’s always trying to get me to be Team Dan. Aspen continues to stare at me and I know this conversation is far from over.
“Maverick? Why?”
“He doesn’t want to be attached to Grady because of his family issues. Turns out his mom gave him the middle name Maverick, after some character on a popular eighties movie about pilots or something. I don’t know, anyway, he likes it better and thinks it’ll make people forget his family and his past,” I explain and I know it’s insane that I know all that personal Jake information, and that it rolls off my tongue like a memorized soliloquy. After all, Jake said all this to Finn while he was working as a dishwasher at my family’s restaurant and I just happened to be prepping food for the lunch rush, but I remember it better than the book I read for English class last week. What I don’t tell her is that I immediately found the movie online—it’s calledTop Gun—and stayed up until midnight watching it on my computer that very night. The name is perfect, he’s a total Maverick. And I’m longing to be his Charlie.
“He’s been arrested twice,” Aspen says, not with judgement, but more like with awe. She’s always wished she was a wild child, but she’s almost as tame and boring as I am. “And he’s the only emanciated kid this town has ever had, I think.”
“The two theft charges were both dropped when the store owners realized his mom had made him try and steal those smokes and those groceries,” I remind Aspen, my voice a harsh whisper. “And the word is emancipated. You know Jake works hard at our restaurant and he’s even talking about finishing high school by taking night classes. He really doesn’t deserve the bad rep this town gives him.”
Aspen’s eyes get bigger, as does the shape her mouth has dropped into, and I know I’m screwed. I won’t be able to deny these feelings any longer because she has this uncanny way of seeing the truth even when you don’t tell it. I sigh and shrug like it’s no big deal. “He’s hot. And he’s nice to me—really nice. But I can’t tell if it’s because he feels he has to be because he’s always at my house hanging out with my family or if he’s nice because… he thinks I’m cool too.”
And Jake is the only one who didn’t look at me like I was some pathetic weirdo when he found out about the lupus. My brothers, God bless them, keep squinting their eyes and examining every move I make, trying to figure out what it is. Hoping to see something that they can understand. So far the only real outward sign I’ve had from lupus was a faint rash on my cheeks and the fevers. My dad is just a grumbling mess who won’t talk about it but is hugging me too tightly now. Mom cries and prays. Jake found out, I guess one of my brothers told him, and all he said was, “I heard about your illness thing. That sucks, Terra. I know you’ll handle it because you’re a badass, but if you need help with anything, let me know.” And that was it. No weird looks, no grumbling or avoidance or tears or stares. My crush grew even deeper that day.
“He likes you,” Aspen declares in a firm whisper. “Your brothers aren’t even that nice to you half the time so he’s not doing it for their benefit. He probably gets teased by them for being nice to you. That’s how brothers work.”
I want to believe her so badly.
Abbott suddenly grins and swings open the closet door. It hasn’t been a full two minutes. He’s short by probably 30 seconds and so Casey and Finn are in full-on make-out mode. Her arms are around his neck and his arms are circling her waist, his hands both palm-down on her ass. And I swear his tongue is in her mouth. “Oh my God I really am going to barf,” I hiss and grab Aspen’s arm. “Let’s go.”
“Hell no,” Aspen replies. “I want a turn.”
“You’ll get truth and it’ll be boring because we have nothing to confess. We have no life yet, remember?” I tug at her wrist. “Please. Let’s go before your mom figures out we’re down here.”
Finn and Casey have jumped apart and emerged from the closet, both flushed. I avoid looking at Finn and focus on Casey. I’m fascinated by her expression. Her eyes are glassy. Her lips are puffy and pink like she applied lip gloss to them but she didn’t. She looks…euphoric. I don’t think I ever understood the true definition of that word until this minute. Abbott slaps Finn on the back. “You just earned yourself a Secret Santa gift, Hawkins. Pick what you want. Casey you have to pull from the hat to get yours.”
Casey tries to calm herself, taking a deep breath before she pulls a piece of paper from the hat. “Truth.”
Abbott’s grin gets deeper. “Easy. Are you a virgin?”
“Abbott, come on!” Declan barks. “That’s not cool.”
Casey doesn’t seemed bothered though. “Technically.”
A round of oohs starts to echo from around the room. Casey flushes again and bounces over to the gifts piled under the fake tree covered in horrible pink tinsel. She grabs a gift I know my brother brought—a tin of homemade caramel popcorn and a gift certificate to our restaurant. That’ll come in handy next time she wants to drink sweet tea all day and stalk my brothers.
“Casey you also have to pick the next person to go,” Abbott announces.
Casey doesn’t even bother to look around the room she just says my name so quick and easy I don’t even register it at first until Aspen gasps. “O-M-G.”
She always says the text version of oh my god so her mom doesn’t get angry about taking the lord’s name in vain.
“Terra,” Casey repeats. ‘Let’s go, girl.”
“The children aren’t playing,” Abbott announces and waves his hand in our direction.
“Yeah, no. They aren’t,” Declan adds and Finn is nodding in agreement so hard I’m surprised he doesn’t snap a vertebrae in his neck.
“No one wants to betheirfirst kiss,” Logan calls out and people snicker.
“It won’t be my first kiss,” Aspen retorts and snickers erupt. “And you’re just scared you’ll learn a thing or two, Hawkins?”
“From you?” Logan rolls his eyes. “I dare you to teach me.”
Aspen turns beat red at that and I panic. I do not want my brother making out with my best friend.
“You guys are lame,” Jake announces suddenly turning the attention to himself. “Let them play. It’s not a big deal. They might pull truth and not every dare has to involve making out.”
Aspen leans right into my ear. “See? He wants you to play. He likes you.”
