His voice is tense, frustration dripping off of it. “You told me to call, and I’m calling but you aren’t answering? Is something wrong? Because I’m in the middle of a crisis myself and I need to talk to you too. Where are you? Call me!”
He’sin crisis? That’s his message? He sounds more annoyed than concerned, and it makes me angry. But it also makes me hurt. And what the hell is his crisis? I let out a heavy sigh. I started this morning in such a euphoric state, and it all went sideways. Now I feel defeated, broken, and so fucking tired. The last thing I need is to feel worse than I already do, but that’s how I feel for not responding to Griffin. And there’s this new weight on me, another burden, because he’s clearly going through something, and he somehow needs me for that. Everybody fucking needs me.
“Do you know where the coaches are before the game?” I ask Dixie as we approach the friends and family lounge. “Are they in the locker room or their offices or up in a booth?”
“Not sure. When I worked here my only concerns were players and press,” Dixie says, and then she waves at Zoey, who is sitting on one of the sofas in the lounge, with Declan passed out in her arms.
“I should put him down to nap, but…” Zoey motions toward the stroller in the corner of the room and then looks up at us with sad eyes. “I just need to snuggle him today, after everything. How are you all holding up?”
Dixie sits beside her and softly runs a hand through the baby’s strawberry blond fuzz. Her eyes are visibly watering. “I don’t know if he’s even going to remember his grandfather.”
“I need a drink,” Winnie snaps and turns and heads to the bar.
“We’ll make sure he does,” Zoey promises, and she uses her free arm to side-hug Dixie. I feel my chest get tight and the pressure inside me grow. I feel like a car in one of those crushers, with everything pushing in on me on every side.
“I need to find Griffin,” I mutter and walk out of the room. I also just need a break from my family…even though admitting that makes me feel horrible.
I’m walking down the hallway when the hockey team emerges from their dressing room ready to hit the ice.
“Hey, Braddock sister number…?” Duncan Darby, the big red-headed lug of a defenseman says with a dopey smile.
“Two,” I finish for him. I look at the rest of the players marching by me. I see Levi next, and he walks right over to me. His expression is grim but that doesn’t mean much. I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve seen Levi crack a smile and the guy lived with my family for a summer.
“I’m so sorry about your dad, Sadie,” he says quietly in that gravelly voice that is only rivaled by his brother Eli’s low rumble. “Obviously I’m going to be here for Jude, but if you need anything just reach out, okay?”
I just nod. He tries to give me a hug, but it’s awkward because of all the equipment and because it’s Levi. Captain Robot, or whatever it is they call him.
Jude walks toward me and comes to a stop in front of me. In his skates, he’s towering over me more than usual. “What are we going to do? How do we change his mind?”
Fuck.
“We’ll talk after the game,” I reply curtly.
“There’s got to be something we can say to change his mind,” he replies. “I’m going to start calling specialists again and—”
“You’re going to get your head in the game and win this,” I bark back. “That’s what Dad wants right now and you know it.”
He steps closer, and now he’s right on top of me. It’s not menacing, it’s desperate. He lowers his voice; it’s strained. “You think I give shit about hockey right now? It’s taken everything in me not to walk the fuck out of here and go to the hospital and talk some sense into him.”
“Braddock!” Levi calls in his captain voice, which is somehow deeper than his regular one. “We gotta go.”
“Go. Put it aside and play well, Jude, please. Just do this for me,” I beg and turn to leave him. Only now Eli is right in front of me. I know what he’s going to say, so I answer him before he can get the words out. “She’s trying to stay strong. She’s in the lounge with everyone and she’s holding it together, so stop worrying.”
Thankfully, he nods and follows the rest of his team. Before he turns the corner. I call out. “Where’s your coach?”
“Sully?” he questions and I nod. “He’s in the owner’s booth.”
“Eli!” Levi barks.
I know I won’t be able to see Griffin now until the first period ends, so I head back to the lounge to watch the game on the monitor in there with my sisters and Zoey and some of the other players’ family members. I text him and tell him I’ll be in the lounge. He doesn’t text back right away, but I understand. His eyes have to be on the ice, not on his phone.
And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, they do. Winnie is still at the bar when I walk back in the lounge, and the bartender is refilling her shot glass. Clearly she’s been downing tequila since I left. Dixie has red, puffy eyes, so she’s been crying again, and Zoey looks like she joined her. Declan is the only one who isn’t falling apart. I start to get a stress headache.
Jude takes two stupid penalties and gets into a fight in the first period. I wish I were at work because I could check my blood pressure there. I’m sure it’s through the roof. My phone buzzes three minutes before the intermission. It’s Griffin telling me to come to his office.
I jump up. Dixie looks up at me, sniffling. Winnie cracks another beer. Zoey is trying to soothe a fussing Declan, who seems to have started to pick up on the dismal energy of his relatives. “I’m going to meet Griffin. I’ll be back.”
I don’t wait for any kind of response. I just leave the room and head down the hall, past the locker room and toward the offices. Griffin’s door is open, and he’s pacing behind the desk. Before I’m even in the door he’s talking.
