I can’t make this man the only solid thing in my life because he never asked for that role, but it seems my mind and body have already done so, without my permission… or his.
It’s hot in the car, and as we wait for Vani to return with my stuff, I lean against the open window, letting the breeze brush over my damp cheeks. I’m not sure how long I stay like that, my mind whirling with one thought after another as the men talk in low, deep voices. My eyes drift as an exhaustion like I’ve never felt before seeps into me, bone deep.
Footsteps by the car jerk me back to awareness as Vani suddenly appears at the window. She has a big bag of my belongings, which she hands to her dad, who tosses it in the back of the truck.
“At least I won’t be short of clothes,” I say, almost laughing at how much seems to be in the bag.
“I grabbed a load without really looking, as I know you need to go. We’re all sitting ducks out here. I’ll call you asap, okay?” she says to me.
She reaches her hand through the gap in the window and gently cups my cheek. It’s a tender gesture, and it makes me feel a little less alone. Thank God for my friends.
But once more Jack steps in, ruining the moment. “No, we need to get rid of her cell phone. There’s a chance someone will be tracking it.”
He wants to take my phone? Hell, no. This is the only means I have of contacting my family.
“You can’t take my phone.”
“I’ll get you a new one, Camile. Just make a note of your family’s phone numbers, and you can contact them from that. You can’t risk keeping it now.” He drags his hand through his hair and shakes his head. “We probably should have gotten rid of it the moment you arrived at the compound.”
“Great, so now I’m going to be held prisoner and you’re going to take my phone. I might as well be dead.”
“Don’t fucking speak that way,” he snaps.
I shrink in my seat. “Don’t shout at me.”
“Then hand over your fucking phone. Unlock it first.”
“God, Dad, chill out. Jesus.” Vani stares at her father as if he’s grown a second head.
Saint grabs Vani’s hand and pulls her around to face him. He tips Vani’s chin up so he’s looking in her eyes and says in a clipped tone, “This is fucking serious. We don’t know where the risk is, and we’re all standing out here like, what was it you said? Ah, yes, sitting ducks. You ladies need to realize the severity of this situation.”
Vani flinches a little at either his words or his tone, and I realize that I’m not going to win this. Reluctantly, I do as Jack says and pass my phone through the open window.
He scrolls, using his own cell to take photographs of my saved contacts, then he opens the SIM holder, takes it out, crushes it beneath his boot, and does the same for my phone. Seeing the device that holds my entire life within it crushed when I’m already losing everything else makes something inside me break apart.
“I hate you!” I snap at him, not even caring that his daughter can hear every word I say.
“Hate me all you like if it means you’re still alive.”
God, he’s so fucking cold sometimes.
He gives a nod to Roman. “Okay, time to go.” He pats the side of the truck like it’s an old horse.
I curl up in the seat, cover my face with my hands, and dissolve back into tears. I don’t even have the emotional headspace to be embarrassed about the scene I just caused. Since when did Jack get to have so much say over what I can and can’t do? He’s not my father.
No, but you wanted him to be your Daddy,an insistent little voice whispers in my head.Now he is, and maybe you don’t like it so much.
My father’s dead, and Jack’s just some replacement I wanted to fuck because I have daddy issues. They’ll probably be ten times worse now, but his recent behavior has left me as wet for him as the Sahara.
If he wants me back at the compound, fine, but he’d better not think he can control everything I do. Right now, I hate him with burning ferocity. It’s easier to hate Jack than it is to grieve for my father, especially because of the very complicated relationship I had with him, or to fear for the safety of my mother and brother. I’d rather channel that anger and hatred and use it to make him hurt.
Why did he say that about me being involved with Ace? Is that what he wants? Deep down, I find it hard to believe, but he was the one who told Vani that Ace was following me around like a puppy. Perhaps I need to put that to good use to hurt him back.
The thought of hurting Jack gives me just enough spark to make me want to live.
I don’t speak the whole way back. Roman eyes me nervously in the rearview mirror a few times, perhaps wondering if he should try talking to me. I don’t make any attempt to talk to him. He’s doing Jack’s bidding, so right now I hate him, too. I know Jack and the rest of the MC helped Roman and the other Preachers a while back, so Roman owes him, but he’s still pissed me off by being on his side.
Jack rides close behind the truck. I’m constantly aware of his presence and the growl of the bike. It’s a bit like having my own personal bodyguard, except I don’t want one. I want to get on a flight or lease a car and drive past the border to find my family. What if they’re dead? What if I no longer have any family?
