I meet Faith’s curious gaze, and I know she is going to be hurt by what I say next. Gritting my teeth, I dive in. “I called Jack Renault, and he’s going to pick you up and escort you to work today. He’ll be on bodyguard duty, so you have nothing to worry about.”
I caught her, mug halfway to her mouth. She slowly lowers it and nods. She meets my gaze, to her credit, not looking away as I sever the routine we’ve been in for the last few weeks with no explanation.
“Okay.” She straightens her shoulders, clearly holding back whatever she is feeling. “What time will he be here?”
“Thirty minutes.”
She nods. “I’m going to finish getting ready.” She places the mug into the sink, and without another word, she turns and walks away.
I exhale, watching her go.
“What did you just do?” my mother asks in the tone I recognize as the chiding one from when I was a child.
I run a hand over my face before answering. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Jason. I spent last night with Faith. I know you’ve been working from her shop, protecting her, making sure she’s safe. Now suddenly you’re sending her with a bodyguard? The poor girl looked blindsided.”
I swallow back a curse. I probably could have handled it better. But when? I made the call to Renault while she showered, then fell asleep on my side of the bed before she turned in for the night. I just need a break, and I took it. I left her in bed to shower and later met up with her in the kitchen.
“It’s for the best,” I tell my mother. “We were getting too attached. It wasn’t a normal situation. The guys were getting annoyed that I wasn’t there. We’re close to opening a new version of the club. I need to be focused.”
She narrows her gaze. “What did it?” she asks, lowering her voice. “Was it your father? Me? Almost losing Sienna? Or was it Levi that severed you emotionally?”
I rear back in shock. All this time, I thought I kept my feelings to myself. Went about my life. Lived it to the fullest. I never showed anyone my weakness, and yet here is my mother, nailing it in one breath.
“All of it maybe?” I say, uncharacteristically allowing myself to have this conversation.
“Jason, I can see how deeply you care about this woman. She’s special. She’s intelligent, smart, can run a business, and she cares about you. Don’t lose her because you’re afraid.”
I shake my head. It goes so much deeper than that. I don’t deserve happiness when Levi is buried and I did nothing to stop it. This is a thought I rarely let myself have, but I allow it now because I need the reminder. With my mother pushing metoward Faith and Faith’s pull so strong, I have to prompt my memory. The thought of Levi will keep me strong when desire threatens to pull me into the light.
“I can’t, Mom. She deserves someone who can give her everything. And I’ve given up on having it all.” I deliberately glance at the clock on the microwave. “We need to get going.”
My mother sighs. “One day you’re going to look back and realize that you alone destroyed any chance you had at happiness. A chance you deserved. And one Levi would want you to have and live for him.”
I shake my head and walk away.
***
Faith
Jack Renault isa large man, bulky and heavyset, wearing a blazer beneath his winter jacket. I feel safe with him but not as safe as I felt knowing Jason was nearby. I’m not stupid. I knew our arrangement couldn’t last. Not when he has an important business to run that has opposite hours of my own, but I enjoyed the time I had with him.
And if I gave it thought, I assumed we’d have an adult conversation before he up and hired a bodyguard and went back to his normal routine. Instead he waited until he slept with me and then ran scared. I have no doubt that’s what occurred, either.
After an incredible night where he opened up emotionally, after we gave ourselves to each other in intimate ways I never have imagined, he slipped out of bed before me and I woke up alone. I have no doubt it was deliberate. Then his mother arrived, and we had no time alone to rehash or discuss, and Ihonestly think Jason was relieved. Now I have a bodyguard, and Jason’s distance speaks volumes.
Well, it isn’t like I have nothing to do. Although it was only this past weekend that I provided the treats for Izzy’s son’s birthday, three of her friends contacted me via email already.
“Faith?” Kelsey calls me from the kitchen.
“Yes?” I glance out at the shop devoid of customers and walk into the back.
The young woman seems nervous, which is unlike her.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“I was wondering if you had more hours for me? My classes this semester are almost over and I—”
