“Now look at us, being match makers at our own dinner party.” She giggled.
“I would say it went as well as expected. Do you want to give me a tour of your place so we can give the two love birds some privacy?”
The condo itself wasn’t very large, with the living room, dining room, and kitchen being on one side of the house and the two bedrooms and bathrooms on the other. You could see the personality Emma and Serenity brought into their place, with the art hung on the walls, candles in every room, and fresh flowers on each of the end tables.
I wasn’t surprised by anything in Serenity’s room because everything looked soher.She had a wooden antique desk in the corner with a laptop and a bunch of labeled notebooks situated on top. From what I could see, she had a school notebook, a therapy notebook, a work ideas notebook, a mental health journal, and a budget notebook. If one word were to describe Serenity, it would be organized. Across from her desk was her queen-sized bed covered in a lilac bedspread. She had a full wall of shelves for her books. The shelves were labeled and categorized by genre.
“This room screamsyou,” I told Serenity as she closed the door behind her.
“I’ve never brought another person besides Emma into my room. This is my safe space and where I do my best healing and idea making for work.” She walked over to the bed, and I joinedher. “If you ever can't get a hold of me, I’m probably wallowing in this room.”
“I’m a bathroom wallower myself.” I gave her an understanding expression. We both had a place where we could let all our feelings out without judgment or questions from others. I was honored she had invited me into her safe space. I hoped I could be a safe space for her, if I wasn't already.
“I guess now is as good a time as any.” I shifted uncomfortably on her bed, and she noticed.
“Is something wrong?” Her brow furrowed.
“No, quite the opposite, actually.” I reached over for the cow I won her at the fair, so I had something to do with my hands. She could tell I was nervous, so she let me hold onto the cow and put an encouraging hand on my shoulder. “You have become the most important person in my life. You’re the first person I want to talk to when I wake up and the last person I want to talk to before I go to bed. Any time anything significant happens, you’re the person I want to call. I love telling you everything just to see your different reactions. Your passion is inspiring to me, and I hope I can continue to watch you grow into the woman you want to be. All that to say, I’m falling for you. That is no way to say that we need to commit to a relationship right this second, but maybe it’s a chance for us to move forward.” I stopped rambling and waited for her to say something.
She didn’t say anything at first; she instead stood up and went to her desk. “Found it,” she said, showing me a loose-leaf piece of paper with red writing sprawled on it.
I scrunched my eyebrows together. “What’s this?”
“I made a list of what I’d like to accomplish with you and with my healing before committing. Everything is marked off except sharing my deepest trauma with you. Darla told me I had no timeline to share, and I have no responsibility to share it withanyone, but I want to be with you, and I think the only way I’ll know if I’m ready for the next step is if I start sharing.”
“There’s no pressure, but I agree. I’ve had a block that’s been in the way of finding happiness again.” I took her hand off my shoulder and held it. “Either way, Serenity, I am all in with you.”
“Would you be willing to go to my birthday dinner? It’s a few friends, my great aunt, and then my mom usually shows up. She’s part of the trauma I’m healing from, so it would be nice if you met her, and then you may have a better understanding as I share more.” She tried to smile but it didn’t meet her eyes.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” We both stood and held each other in a tight embrace. “We should probably go check on our friends and then get ready for bed.”
“Can we sleep like we did last night?” she asked in a hopeful tone.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” I kissed her forehead, and we walked hand in hand back to the living room to join our friends.
THIRTY-TWO
AGE 18
Imade it to my last semester of senior year in high school and could hardly wait to move to attend college. I had endured enough trauma from living with my absent mom and her abusive boyfriend, so I was counting down the days until I could be away from them.
“Are you okay?” Shawn asked as we dressed after sex. My response was delayed because he continued, “Serenity, you good?”
I shook myself out of my reverie. “Yeah, of course. Let’s grab something to eat and watch a movie.”
We walked into my kitchen to browse the fridge. Neither of us heard the front door open because we both jumped when Andrés entered the kitchen.
“I see you have your boyfriend here while no one is home. What are you two up to?” He wore his famous smug grin. He even winked at me when Shawn wasn’t looking. It had been a few months since he watched me in the shower, and the sight ofhim still made me sick to my stomach. I even showered a few times at school to avoid the situation from happening again.
“We’re just friends,” I said with a little more bite than I intended. I didn’t want to be on his bad side, so I softened my tone. “We’re looking for a snack before we start a movie.” Shawn looked at me with a confused expression. He probably wondered why my tone shifted so rapidly, but I couldn’t talk to him about it.
Andrés finally left us alone, and I let out a long sigh, clasping my shaking hands together.
“What was that all about?” Shawn asked.
I fidgeted from one foot to the next. “Nothing, I still don’t trust him after what happened a few years ago.” I wished the version Shawn knew was reality, but it became so much worse.
He looked like he didn’t buy it, but he didn’t push. “You know I’m here for you, right? I won’t let anything happen to you.” I wish I could believe him, but I couldn’t.
