I nodded my head. “I can agree with that. Since you shared a piece of yourself with me, can I share something with you?”
“Always,” she said, placing her bowl on the side table and shifting her body to face me. “You have my full attention.”
I took a deep breath. “I might make this sound a bit vague since I haven't been open to anyone else besides Darla. The reason I started therapy eight years ago was because my family broke, and it turned me into someone who wasn’t me anymore. I was mean and angry. I knew my Gram would want me to find my way back to my true self. I still have this intense fear of getting too close to people and tragically losing them, or them leaving with things unresolved.” I paused to clear my throat. “I still suffer from panic attacks, as you know, as well as nightmares when I actually can sleep, which isn’t very often.”
She reached out to hold my hand. “Was that why you had a panic attack when we went to the fair? Because you couldn’t find me?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I had a flashback, which made the world around me fuzzy, and I couldn’t breathe.”
She leaned into me again and gave me a tight hug. “I’m sorry you had to endure such a tragedy that still affects you so muchtoday. I have moments of insomnia, too. So, if you ever need someone to talk to or to at the very least distract you from the racing thoughts, don’t hesitate to call me.”
“Right back at you,” I said, kissing her on the forehead.
She backed away and looked at me. “Forehead kisses are pretty serious.”
“Good, because I’m pretty serious about you,” I said, giving her another kiss on her forehead.
I saw a blush sneak up from her neck while she tried to look away. I put my hand on her cheek and turned her back toward me. “Does saying things like that make you uncomfortable?”
She shook her head. “Not at all. I’ve never had someone talk to me like you do. No one’s ever seemed to care.”
“I do,” I said. “I really do. I’m also scared shitless of messing it all up or letting my past prevent me from being the person I know you deserve.”
“I am too,” she admitted. “But if we continue to promise to be honest and patient with each other, then maybe we’ll prove ourselves wrong.” She looked at me with so much hope that I couldn't imagine ever breaking that promise.
“I like that idea.” We both gave each other a small smile. “Did you bring your book?”
“What kind of question is that?” She stood from the couch and grabbed her bag. “I never leave the house without a book in tow.”
“I’ll be right back.” I ran to my room to grab my copy from my side table. When I came back out to the living room, Serenity was cuddled up on the couch with her book and a blanket. I stood there and stared at her. The view was intoxicating.
She snapped her head in my direction. “Are you coming over here, or are you going to stand there and stare at me for the rest of the night?”
A burst of laughter escaped. “I’m still deciding.”
“Get over here,” she demanded.
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied.
I walked over to the couch. I swung my leg over her and lay back. I pulled her back into my body, so she leaned back against my chest and lap. I casually opened my book without saying anything further.
“This is nice,” she said.
I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “I could get used to this.”
We spent the rest of the night together reading and commenting on the book. I gently ran my fingers through her hair. Before I knew it, she had dropped her book and had fallen into a deep sleep. I grabbed her book and reached back to put it on the side table. I didn’t want to wake her up, but my legs were seconds from falling asleep along with her. I very slowly untangled myself from her, and she didn’t even slightly stir. She must be exhausted.
I decided to let her sleep. I went to my room to do my night routine. When I came back to the living room, she still hadn’t moved a muscle. I couldn’t have her sleeping on the couch, though. I lightly picked her up, and she cuddled into me, still not waking up. I took her to my room and laid her on my bed. Once she was tucked in for the night, I turned off the light and went to sleep on the couch. I was able to fall into a deep sleep myself.
I woke up the next morning at sunrise. I hadn’t heard even a slight noise from my room to indicate that Serenity was awake yet. I headed to the Nespressomachine to make a cup of coffee and poured Serenity a glass of the leftover apple cider from the other night. I made a quick breakfast of bacon, eggs, and hash browns. I loved waking up early and having a quiet morning to myself. I sat at the table to drink my coffee, eat my breakfast, and journal. I usually journaled about my nightmares or racingthoughts that came to me at night, but I surprisingly slept through the night. I must have been tired, too.
I finished and walked into my room with Serenity’s apple cider and a few pieces of bacon and set it on the end table next to the bed. She was still fast asleep. I grabbed my clothes and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Once I was showered and dressed, I itched the door open and was met with Serenity slowly opening her eyes.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
She sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. “What am I still doing here?” she asked, looking over at me. “Did you carry me to your bed?”
“Don’t worry, I slept on the couch. I didn’t have it in me to wake you up last night. And if you were that tired, then you shouldn’t have been driving anyway,” I lectured.
