“We may never know that, but what we do know now is that none of it was your fault, right?”
I sat up tall with confidence. “No, it wasn’t my fault.”
She smiled lightly. “Let’s stop there today and resume where we left off for the next session. I want to leave some time to get you in a good headspace. Before we do that, how are you feeling overall?”
My lips curved up with a small smile. “How I viewed what happened to me was shaped by how my mom responded to my pain. I’m beginning to understand what happened to me was not my fault.”
Darla smiled back. “That’s an important breakthrough when healing from sexual trauma. Everyone who experiences trauma has their own timeline for when they are ready to share.”
“I think I put it off because I thought it would be a moot topic since it happened almost twenty years ago.”
Darla shook her head. “Your timeline is your timeline. What’s important is you took the plunge to heal when you were ready. Now, let’s bring your focus into your safe space and store the difficult memories for the next session.”
“Okay,” I said, closing my eyes to picture my safe place. I lay at the top of a mountain overlooking a forest of trees situated in front of a field of lavender flowers. Off in the distance, the bright sun on a cloudless day made the lavender shimmer. I stored the anger and welcomed peace.
“How do you feel?” Darla asked.
“I feel good, all things considered. That was a lot to process, but I’m proud of myself for finally breaking down some of the walls I’ve built.”
“I am proud of you, too,” she said as she stood up and led me out of her office. “I’ll see you next week, take care of yourself.”
“Thank you, Darla,” I said sincerely, exiting the office to walk out to my car.
I had the urge to hear Grant’s voice. I found his contact on my phone and called him.
“Hey there, pretty girl. How are you doing?” he asked in the softest tone.
“Honestly, today’s session was intense,” I admitted. “But I had a breakthrough so I would say it was a win.”
“Hell yeah, it was,” he said. “I have a surprise for you when you get off work. Would you be up to coming over tonight?”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
TWENTY-SIX
PRESENT
Iwas immensely proud of Serenity for her vulnerability in therapy, even if it was tough. She was taking the steps to heal any trauma she had endured, which wasn’t easy. Most traumatized people avoided therapy because it required opening old wounds. I could attest to that because even though I've healed and grown so much throughout the years I’ve been in therapy, I still had moments that were too difficult to talk about. She has inspired me to work through the harder moments I have avoided myself.
Serenity has spoken more freely about her trauma and healing journey than I have. I wanted to return the favor and bear some pieces of my soul to her. When she told me she had therapy today, I planned an ice cream and reading date at my house. I thought providing her with her favorite treat and a quiet night at my place would offer her with a sense of safety after a tough session.
I headed to the gym straight from work so I could shower and be ready for Serenity when she came over. I had more confidence in the gym. I lifted heavier, completed more reps, and wasn't as drained nearly as fast. The picture of Serenity’s soft lips on mine, kept me energized.
I quickly showered and changed when I got home. I checked my phone to see if I had heard from Serenity yet.
Serenity
Will you dress cozy tonight, so I can dress cozy?
I laughed because I already wore sweatpants and a T-shirt.
Me
Currently in my closet looking for my duck slippers.
Serenity
Perfect, I’ll be there in twenty.
