“I don’t want to get my hopes up,” I said. “The never-ending crush I’ve had on him since middle school has gotten me nowhere. I can’t spend the rest of high school waiting for him, could I?”
She didn’t say anything for a long time. “You should tell him that. Tell him your feelings are too deep to continue as friends. You say you want to take the chance to potentially ruin the friendship because you think it could lead to something better. Seeing him with other girls is going to be too hard for you to continue the friendship as it is already. Either way, the friendship may already be doomed because of your feelings.”
I considered what she said for too long because the final bell rang. I decided not to respond. I gave her a quick hug and rushed off to class. Shawn was in my last class, and he looked chipper than ever when I approached the desk next to him.
“Did you decide on any snacks better than pickle chips?” he asked as I sat down. “You okay?” His expression was filled with concern.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said. “But yes, I actually came up with a pretty good compromise.”
“Compromise, huh? Tell me more.”
“Well,” I started, “you probably already guessed I’d choose popcorn because, duh. But they have flavored powders you can add to your popcorn, and I believe they have a pickle flavor.”
He laughed. “You’re kidding.”
“I swear I’m not,” I said.
“That’s awesome.” He smiled at me, and the way the light hit his face from the window made his forest green eyes sparkle. I couldn’t help but stare. Luckily, before I stared for too long to the point of it becoming awkward, Ms. McAllister started the last class.
Ms. McAllister was our English teacher, and her class was easily my favorite. Books had been my peace, my escape, and my saving grace for as long as I could remember. My life had been unpredictable with my mom and Andrés, making me feel like I never had control. When I entered a new world in a book, I completely immersed myself in the story and forgot all my real-life struggles. Books had been my constant, and I knew wherever life takes me, they’d always be there for me.
Shawn and I walked to the store down the street from our houses after school.
“Should we have an actual meal or just fill up on a copious number of snacks?” he asked as we browsed the aisles.
I put my hand on my chin, thinking. “Pizza! I’m getting pepperoni, and you’re not allowed to whine about how basic my pizza choice is.” I gave him a stern expression.
We both laughed. “You do like basic pizza and basic movie snacks, but I still love you.”
My heart sank to my stomach. We’ve said ‘I love you’ to each other plenty of times, but it was usually as a way of saying goodbye on the phone or after school, not just in context to who I was as a person. I needed a moment to myself before spending the whole weekend alone together. “How about you go grab the candy, I’ll get the other snacks, and then we can meet in the pizza aisle. Sound like a plan?”
“Perfect, see you in a bit,” he said, walking toward the candy aisle.
I heavily contemplated the advice Emma gave me about moving forward into a relationship or pausing the friendship altogether with Shawn. He was my very best friend, but how would I manage seeing him with other girls? Could I truthfully handle hearing him talk about someone else or seeing it firsthand?
I was so in my head, standing and staring in the chip aisle, when Shawn approached. “I was waiting for you in the pizza aisle forever before I grabbed the pizza and came to find you. Can’t decide?” he asked.
“Yes,” I lied. “I want something cheesy, but also maybe barbecue.”
“I have the perfect solution,” he admitted. “Get both, and we can throw them all in one big bowl, so each bite has a little of both.”
“Wow,” I said. “You really are a genius.”
“Just don’t tell anyone. I have a cool guy reputation to uphold.”
“I hate to break it to you,” I said. “But I think most people know you’re a huge nerd. A cool nerd, but still a nerd nonetheless.”
He rolled his eyes, “Whatever,” he joked.
“I think we forgot something,” Shawn stated.
I groaned, “What?”
“Ice cream!” he yelled.
I laughed. “Don’t you think we have enough sugar with the candy?”
“Don’t act like you’re going to say no to ice cream. I’ll even let you get your favorite flavor even though it is an old person flavor.”
