I smile to myself, the action effortless as she plays right into my hands. “That is perfect. I look forward to hearing from you, Madeline.”
We hang up and I sit back in my chair, some tension easing. Where my son failed, I will not. Though Kieran was a good strategist, he failed at playing the long game, and rushed into things. Hence the two failed fires his people had set. Me? Well…the time for keeping my hands clean is over.
Soon, theCouncilwill choke on their own inadequacies, starting with the collateral damage their preciousDocshould never have left out in the open…
No matter, one man’s mistake is another’s playground… And there can only be one at the top of this jungle gym.
“Fucking hell,” I moan as I blink against the lights. My head hurts from all the sedatives these doctors have been throwing at me. Jesus, my stomach revolts from the pain, and I have to breathe carefully while I wait for it to pass.
“One moment. Let me give you some medication.”
I don’t recognize the nurse’s voice, but there’s a soothing sensation that helps the bile pass. Staring at the man, I open my mouth to ask what he just put through the IV—which is new—but he’s gone before I can choke out the words.
Fuck. None of this makes sense to me anymore. The feeling of complete loss swamps me. I miss having Master next to me, holding me. I miss my Owner. And my Daddy. I miss…
I fight against the panic that begins to well up. It’s like being pricked with a needle, scratched where only a tiny bit of bloodshows up, but soon the force of panic turns into a torn gash. I shudder against it, trying to force it back to the pinprick, to where it’s manageable, because I can’t keep losing all of my breath.
I drop my head into my hands, ignoring the thick gauze still surrounding my wrists. “Please, just…please.”
I beg, whimper, pray. To Gods I don’t believe in. To the universe. To anyone. Hell, at this point, I just want relief. Any relief.
“Shh, Cucciolo, I have you.” I jerk as Hollis’s arms wrap around me. Fuck. I don’t even know where he came from, but the strong love that pours from him is a balm against the fury and pain that beats inside me like a live wire.
“I’m…I’m so sorry,” I mewl. “I didn’t mean to disappoint you. I swear. I swear, no matter what you saw, I didn’t mean to be evil. I promise… I promise, I would never hurt someone like that on purpose.”
The dam breaks and the tears flood out, words tumble even as I lose sense of what I’m saying. Promises. Vows. Begging my Owner not to leave me. To forgive me. Please… All I want is my Owner’s love and forgiveness.
Eventually, it stutters to a stop. The words, thoughts, everything. I’m too worn out to feel anything but empty, even as I lay in Hollis’s arms, as he joined me on the bed at some point. Fuck if I know when.
Gathering my courage, I glance up, meeting his eyes for the first time. The pain is there. The sheer agony. I hate that I’ve put it there, and shame blazes through me in response.
My voice is hoarse as I once again repeat words that have almost lost meaning. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize again,” Hollis responds hotly, his slender fingers gripping my chin painfully. “Whatever that bitch did was on her, not you. I know you, Cucciolo. You are notevil. That blood isnoton your hands. You did not destroy his innocence—she did. And I never want to hear you take the blame for that vile bitch again.”
I wet my lips with my tongue, impossible hope battering against me. “You…you don’t hate me?”
“Never,” he vows. His eyes don’t stray from mine and I let myself get lost in him, in the beauty my Angel gives.
And then I remember… Fuck. I have to be completely honest. I know my Owner demands it.
“I…I love you. And Daddy. But…” I stop, unsure of what to say. Well, it’s more that I don’t want to cause him pain by saying what’s in my heart. No matter how much I’ve tried to tear it away.
Hollis nods seriously, loosening his grip on my chin, but before I can panic, he runs his fingers through my hair. I wrinkle my nose as it needs to be washed and definitely cut.
“You still love Allesandro.” The statement is flat, and I flush, my shame complete at his unimpressed wording.
With a deep breath, I respond simply, “Yes.”
“I…I cannot forgive what he did to you.” The strangled words lay between us, and I wish I had a way to fix it, but I don’t.
“I know,” I whisper. For a moment, there’s silence, before I break it, hating myself for needing to. “I’m not asking you to forgive him. I’m asking you to forgive me for still loving him. Because while you’re my Owner and my Angel, and Tennant is my Daddy, the truth is…Allesandro is still my Master. You all own different parts of my heart, of my soul. And no matter how much I’ve tried, I’m unable to kill that part of me. I?—”
“Yes. I know,” Hollis interrupts before I can mention my suicide attempt. I wince at the censure in his voice, but he’s right and I know it. “I have nothing I need to forgive you over. Not even loving Allesandro. If he’s who you need…we’ll figure it out. But it’s going to be a hard road.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, uncertainty choking me.
“If you want your Master back, it’s not going to be that simple for either of you. You both need to work on things. Individually and together. You will see someone for what you’re going through.”
