The words sit on the tip of my tongue. I almost say it. Almost push?—
But I don’t.
Showing up is easy. I’ve always been good at that.
But kicking the door open? Pushing for what I want?
That’s not me.
I’ve always told myself that’s patience. Respect. But as I watch her face turn to stone, I’m not sure anymore.
Players are coming out, and when Logan and Coop start approaching, I don’t back away, because I’m talking to my handler, and that’s normal.
When Logan and Coop flank me, Scottie gives a curt, professional smile.
“Why so serious, gang?” Coop asks.
Scottie’s smile strains. “Lucas thinks he should whip off his shirt and have people sign his back.”
Coop and Logan look at each other past me. “That tracks,” Logan says.
Coop eyes me. “You thought I was a blowhard for doing a backflip after a homer, but you want to take your shirt off for fans to sign? I thought you were a baseball purist.”
I put my hands on Coop’s shoulders and look him dead in the eye. “What about my body isn’t pure?”
Scottie groans and pivots away to direct Diego toward a photo backdrop.
She really is an exceptional actor.
And it’s starting to rub off on me.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Scottie
The moment the clock strikes ten, a text arrives.
Lucas
Curfew obeyed. Aren’t you proud?
I smile at those five words. My mom tried to call a couple of hours ago—she wanted to talk about Jake’s incident at the charity event, wanted me to coordinate damage control, wanted me to be useful—and I didn’t pick up. I just texted her that I’m busy but I’m on it, and she responded with a heart.
I don’t have anything left for anyone else tonight. Pretending I don’t want Lucas to kiss me every time I see him is already hard enough.
No—that’s not quite right.
I do want to kiss him. I want his arms around me so much, I ache. But what I really want is to smile at him in public. To touchhis shoulder. Let him grab my hand and tease me. Flirt, out loud, where anyone could see.
I want a Jumbotron kind of love. Just with someone who’s not Jake.
As easy as it is to blame Jake, though, I keep coming back to the same uncomfortable thought: would I actually have the guts to do any of that, even if he weren’t in the picture?
I don’t know.
Lucas proved himself for so many months. He offered exactly what I claim I want, but I never took him up on the offer. I told myself it was because he was so … earnest but unserious.
Maybe the fact that Lucas and I can’t be seen together is more convenient than I want to admit. Maybe I’ve been using Jake as a reason when the real reason is that I don’t know how to be someone people come looking for—I only know how to be someone people come to when they need something fixed.
